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Depressive's Guide to the Wedding Season. Tuesday June 16, 2015

Despite being a hopeless romantic, I confess, I don't "do" weddings terribly well. No, it's not because I'm 37, still single, and the prospect that every face will read: 'Ah bless, you must wish this was you dear?' (Arrrrrrgh!) No, I just don't enjoy large gatherings of people; I never have. (Nor do I care much for all the tradition of weddings: the first dance, the wedding cake, the photographs, bridesmaids,...and I'm afraid this bride would so be giving a speech!)

So, how to cope?

Do what works for you.

I used to feel it was only right and proper to be on form for every last part of the day. Not anymore. Take the evening, for example. I don't dance (at least not in public) but if I don't dance, I can't converse (on account of the music's volume) and if I can't converse, well, I must sit there with an affected smile or else folk will think me a miserable singleton sucking sour grapes. It's tedious, no?

No, I'm not letting the side down by slipping away before the evening party in preference of a quiet evening. The same goes for feeling you must hang around for the interminable "Photo Shoot" (you'll find me snoozing in a quiet corner).

Do what works for you.

Don't fret about expensive gift giving.

If you have oodles of cash then by all means make the newly wed's day. If money is tight just now, remember this: it won't be the most expensive gifts that the couple will cherish the most. Be creative with your giving ideas (Pinterest is great for this). Your friends will know when a gift has come from a place of genuine thought, love and affection.

Put your phone away and keep it away.

In all probability the happy couple have spent no little amount of time and energy, to say nothing of expense, in order to give their friends and family a beautiful day. The least I can do in return then - even if feeling unsociable - is to try and put myself out there a bit. Seek out those looking a bit lost or alone (the bride and groom can't look after everybody, all day, all of the time) or take some quirky, impromptu photographs. Who knows, I may even meet my Martin Shaw slash Tom Hughes slash Stanley Tucci (I know. Told you I was a mass of contradictions!).

Easy on the liquor.

Alas, for me, the anxiety after a big event can be acute. If I've remained sober-minded I'll surely have less to overthink.

I'm also aware that when I'm nervous or overtired (or just downright happy, actually) I can give off hyperactive vibes. This can be misunderstood as "drunk" (I hate that!). A lemonade for me please.

What helps you to keep smiling through a large scale celebration?

A Moodscope member.

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w00dsmoke Tue, Jun 16th 2015 @ 7:48am

Oh Suzy...where have you been all my life?
At last someone who seems to be on my wavelength. Lets meet and get married?
(Only wish I was thirty years younger!)

Anonymous Tue, Jun 16th 2015 @ 8:38am

Loved this Suzy - I'm afraid my coping mechanism for big events sometimes is something along the lines of "no I'm not coming". However this then leads to massive guilt feelings for letting friends down. I think age brings a growing acceptance that I'm simply not a party person so for me I think the better response would be to attend but not be afraid to leave at an early hour if I've had enough - who knows one day I might be the last person to leave :-)

Anonymous Tue, Jun 16th 2015 @ 9:29am

Maybe if all the moodscopers who hate these events were to go to a party/event for themselves.....who would be the last to leave then?!
Well done, Suzy, a great blog as I am sure so many will agree. Even those of us who don't mind a wedding or a party, don't always want to stay to the end, watching people get sillier and more drunk. I was designated driver for a New Year husband and others kept asking me how much I had drunk as I was laughing and happy...I hadn't been drinking, I was just happy!
Ka :)

Anonymous Tue, Jun 16th 2015 @ 10:14am

I'm with you here Suzy. And I think there are probably many who feel this way. I don't like big gatherings and I'm certainly not comfortable with the fact that I've got to try and look happy when I'm maybe feeling the exact opposite. What to do? I've come to realise I can give much more of myself in shorter bursts of say 2-3 hours. It also helps if I go to a party knowing I'm only going to be there for that length of time. If I start enjoying it, fine, I might stay longer but if not at least I'm safe in the knowledge that the drudgery (that sometimes a wedding can be) is not going to last all day long.

Julia Tue, Jun 16th 2015 @ 3:56pm

I am a party person but the frustrating thing is, my low depressive feelings stop me from enjoying many social occasions. For me the rare combination of having a good day and attending one, a wedding, party, anything involving having a good time, is wonderful. I suppose because it is so rare I feel I must, and want to, make the most of the day and night. But it's hard work when I'm not feeling good so I agree with most of what you say Suzy. The wedding day for the couple getting married is the best day of their lives usually so we should enjoy their happiness and all the effort and expense involved in getting their guests together for the celebration. Thanks for your blog and thoughts Suzy

Mary Blackhurst Hill Tue, Jun 16th 2015 @ 4:54pm

I love the wedding ceremony, the vows, the emotion. I agree, the rest of the day can be a grind. A usually find a quiet corner and a kindred spirit (surprising how many of them are around) and at the end of the day I've got a new friend (even if we never meet again). Oh, and lime and soda is a much, much better choice than vodka and tonic. Every. Single. Time. Lovely post Suzy, thank you!

K DC Tue, Jun 16th 2015 @ 5:03pm

What helps me with these situations? Meet my little yellow friend.

Social occasions where I don't know people are the WORST. And then there's finding clothes to wear, when I have few nice event clothes, then shoes which are never right. And am I over dressed or underdressed? Will people start at me and whisper and snicker? You get the idea.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 16th 2015 @ 11:57pm

I'm another 'party for 2' type! My anxiety in advance goes off the scale. Then once I'm in, I'm great but it is a well practised mask and act. Thanks Suzy, I'm beginning to feel more normal! :-) love ratg x.

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