Creativity and what it means to me.

12 Nov 2016

Before I suffered from insomnia and didn't really think much about creativity or worry about defining myself in any way, I objectively liked art and writing, literature and everything one would associate with the word. However I didn't see myself as creative.

I do now though so what has changed?

What has changed for me is the lows and highs I now experience from the good nights and bad. Before, I probably slept the same every night. Now, how I sleep defines how I feel the next day to such an extent that I lost my job because of it and now structure my days around that one thing. Insomnia or a good night's sleep.

Insomnia has forced me to think about myself more; to analyse my reactions, my interpersonal skills and my creativity.

Over the past how many years of insomnia, I don't dare think about it... I have changed into two people, one an extrovert on the scale of mild bi-polar as it only lasts one day at a time, a creative person who can write and feel good about myself, talk to people, be witty and so on and the other persona, who is self doubting, cross, cautious in my approach to people and generally lacking in self confidence.

So creativity has assumed mega proportions for me. I like creativity in others and myself but for the most part, it is elusive. I chase it but it doesn't appear as I am so tired and fed up with endless sleepless nights.

Creativity is important to me as I feel it's self-expression and is at the core of who I am. Or is it? You see I don't know.

I wish I didn't attach so much importance to it but it's the fact that I lose it so often that makes it so important.


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