Coping with now

2 May 2020
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There's no doubt that a lot of life is suddenly altered. There's so much more that we are not sure about, more we don't know. Far greater opportunity to be anxious, unhappy and fearful for the future.

But, I'm keeping clear sight of my foundation stones. The things I know are sure and true and which will still be my foundation stones when we reach the end of this. 

Three of my foundation people died a long time ago; my grandmother Rose, my mother Joyce and my father Raymond. From each of them I have their watch. Each day since this scary situation started I wind each watch and tell each of them what I'm planning to do. My fourth foundation person is my sister Linda. We are in email contact every day now, just a quick check-in to make sure we're both ok, with proper conversations in between. I can't say that my relationship with any of these foundation people was or is perfect, but they're my cornerstones and I'm comforted and calmed by keeping them close to me every day now. 

All we can do is trust the future and do what we can to make this better for ourselves and others around us.

Best wishes to all

Patricia

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

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Comments

Oli

May 3, 2020, 6:34 a.m.

Hi Patricia, you got me thinking if your foundation people realised their impression on you. Do any of us? We create memories for other people. Some things we do will be forgotten but we never really know what goes into someone’s long-term memory. I think if we create good things then with a bit of luck we’ll create nice memories too.

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Jul

May 3, 2020, 6:44 a.m.

Hello Oli. Your reply is interesting. I've been thinking a lot recently along these lines and wonder what memories people might have of me. Not in a narcissistic way but it stems I suspect from hearing and reading all these tributes from family members and friends of those who have died from Covid 19. My mother died a few years ago and my memories of her are very lovely positive caring ones. I know what I thought but didn't express at her funeral and I still think the same now. She unwittingly created memories for me. Thanks for this Oli. Jul xx

Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 6:51 a.m.

Thanks Oli and Jul. Yes, those very many things we didn't say and aspects of people we didn't fully realise or appreciate when they were with us. I'm repairing and repainting garden furniture at present and there's almost a running commentary going on, particularly from my dad, which is helping to chivvy me along and stay motivated. Px

Dido

May 3, 2020, 6:45 a.m.

What a lovely concept! Foundation folk! that's going to give me food for thought today. Thank you Patricia. feeling more Hopeful Dido

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Jul

May 3, 2020, 6:51 a.m.

Good morning Patricia. Thank you for writing for us. You are right to remind us of the benefits of being grounded and feeling grounded by thoughts or people. Another Sally wrote the other day that she looked forward to her coffee after walking the dog each morning and I meant to acknowledge this as something I related to and which made me feel grounded. A very small thing admittedly but very important in enabling us to cope with now. As for people in my life who give me a sense of calm these days, the numbers are dwindling sadly. Somehow their virtual presence doesn't have the same effect as actually being with them in the real world so hopefully once we are allowed to resume some sort of normality, they and I might revert back to type so to speak. Your blog is so helpful Patricia thank you. Jul xx

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Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 6:59 a.m.

Hello Dido, hope the food for thought is flavoursome. X. I'm also finding 'virtual presence' a mixed blessing. It's great to see people, but when the video call or whatever ends, I feel more empty than at the end of a phone conversation. It seems to amplify the present weirdness in some way. Px

Jul

May 3, 2020, 7:06 a.m.

Oh Patricia I am so glad someone else feels empty after a video call, well not glad exactly but relieved it's not just me who feels this way! I've got one starting soon so have got to make myself look presentable. My OH says I'm always in self analytical mode afterwards and doesn't understand why I'm so negative about my video "performance". I come away thinking how silly I was to say this and that and everyone looked bored they were having to speak to me!. Oh dear.Jul xx

Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 7:24 a.m.

Good luck with the call Jul. The only reassurance I can offer is that your uncomfortable feelings are probably matched, in one way or another, by the others. Unless it's a serious meeting, I wear a pair of minnie mouse ears to mine. Then I know I look silly! Px

Valerie

May 3, 2020, 7:59 a.m.

Hi Patricia, I was told that a friend is in the doghouse with his wife.He was trying to set up a video call to another male friend,neither had done it before.He had the computer in the bedroom, not thinking to tell his wife.She stepped naked from the en suite shower and walked past the screen.x

Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 8:05 a.m.

Yes, these new ways of communicating can be very revealing. X

the room above the garage

May 3, 2020, 9:16 a.m.

Hello Jul, I definitely find a phone call more enjoyable. Less restrictive and more personable. Long live the telling bone!

Molly

May 3, 2020, 11:39 a.m.

I hate video calls too! Such an effort! You have to make sure you look half decent and then I spend most of the time looking at myself, thinking do I really look that awful, the mirror must be lying to me’ ! Then keep the conversation going whilst staring at each other. My brother is good at that by firing loads of questions at me and then I’m utterly worn out! Xx

Jul

May 3, 2020, 4:30 p.m.

Hi ratg and Molly. Phone calls are much more civilised! Telling bone..not heard of that ratg!. Jul xx

Molly

May 3, 2020, 5:49 p.m.

Jul, it’s dog and bone where I come from !! I don’t even like the phone, but today I was in the mood to make a couple of calls, guess what, I got answering machines, so I went to bed for an hour. I mean, how can they not be available !!! How rude. Lol xx

Jul

May 4, 2020, 9:54 a.m.

I don't like the phone either! Jul xx

The Gardener

May 3, 2020, 8:30 a.m.

Thanks Patricia. My father was a most difficult man, but he set me on the path of trying anything, and of extreme hard work, marvellous foundation. My poor husband inherited this person - he seldom said 'no' to my wilder ideas (except for banning an application to do a Winston Churchill scholarship behind what was, then, the Iron Curtain). Looking back, he must have had some scary times, especially one Easter week-end, when 'The Times' had the picture of a sunk ferry on the front, he thought I and our 3 sons were on it. 2 days agony before news got through of our safety. He did drag me back from another scholarship, most amusin

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Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 8:51 a.m.

Yes, my father was difficult and I resisted learning the lessons he taught me as a child. But my goodness I've been very glad of them since

the room above the garage

May 3, 2020, 9:14 a.m.

Hello Patricia, what a wonderful, proactive thing to do, wind their watch and talk. Just beautiful. My great aunt died this week and I’m going to pass this little gem on to my Aunty. Thank you for a beautiful blog today, it’s lifted me, love ratg x.

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Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 9:47 a.m.

Hello ratg. I'm glad it's come at just the time for you to pass it on. It felt like such a silly thing to write about, a bit mad really, but it's proving to be a point of sanity in this utterly bonkers world. Px

Bearofliddlebrain

May 3, 2020, 8:51 p.m.

Bear hugs dear Ratg, so sorry for your loss. Even harder to bear at this time of not being allowed to visit other members of the family to console each other 8(( hooe you can take some comfort from the kind Moodscopers today. Bear hugs x x x

Molly

May 3, 2020, 11:59 a.m.

Hi Patricia This is lovely and sounds very comforting. I’ve said this before but nothing much has changed for me and it won’t change when isolation isn’t over, so it’s all a bit surreal really. That doesn’t say for one moment that I’m not empathetic towards others whose lives have been disrupted or worse. I seem to be functioning better, maybe because I feel the world isn’t carrying on without me. Who knows, maybe when it starts spinning again, I might be able to jump back on to an extent! Thank you for the blog. Molly xx

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Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 12:14 p.m.

Hi Molly. Yes, I seem to be functioning a bit better, but I think it's likely to be because I'm not feeling any pressure (real or manufactured) to do things out in the 'real' world. It's not my fault that I'm not doing lots of those shoulds, oughts and really musts like joining this or visiting that or going to whatever. I'm just getting on the best I can and all the things I'm not doing are not my fault. Brilliant! Px

Molly

May 3, 2020, 2:09 p.m.

Well said Patricia, exactly that! Love Molly xx

Jul

May 3, 2020, 4:32 p.m.

here here Molly and Patricia! Or is it hear hear? Jul xx

Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 4:50 p.m.

So I'm taking the very best of this that I can. Thank you Molly. Pxx

Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 4:53 p.m.

So I'm taking the very best of this that I can. Thank you Molly. Pxx

Oli

May 3, 2020, 5:16 p.m.

There's something in this idea of being able to function better because the world slowed down. This is a unique time; the (human) world never waited before. It's reminding me of something @Leila wrote several times about feeling that she's waiting. I'm not really connecting the dots here but I have a sense that we can spend a lot of our lives waiting for stuff like the PTSD to go, or the anxiety to go, or the low mood to g... waiting our time while the world gets on without us. Only now in this time of coronavirus the world is waiting too. It slowed to our pace, so maybe, somehow, things feel more aligned. Don't know, just thinking out loud.

Molly

May 3, 2020, 6 p.m.

Too right Patricia, I like your positive attitude. Agree Oli, I just don’t think of the future too much. I just get through another day. The future will take care of itself xx

Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 4:57 p.m.

Thanks all for welcoming me in. I read the blog every day but haven't written before. It's been good. So thank you. Very glad to be part of this great group. Px

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Molly

May 3, 2020, 6:05 p.m.

Patricia, I didn’t realise you were a new-be! It’s a lovely group! Thank you for joining in. You get great support on here. Love Molly xx

Patricia E

May 3, 2020, 7:13 p.m.

Thank you so much Molly. I agree with Oli, I've spent a disproportionate amount of my life waiting. Waiting for things to happen. Waiting for miracles to happen. Waiting for things, generally bad things, to pass. Just now the normal passage of time has slowed to a crawl and I think there are things I may be able to attend to during this time when we are less detached from what's really real and there's less 'nonsense' to be having to deal with. Not sure if there's going to be any difference in the end, but I do believe everyone will be a bit more thoughtful and questioning. Hope so anyway. Px

Bearofliddlebrain

May 3, 2020, 8:58 p.m.

Just lost my reply to you Patricia, but wanted to say thank you for writing today for us. And what great responses I you’ve had!! I too, like the idea of winding up the watches and chatting to the foundation stones of your life. Even though there isn’t much going on, I bet you have plenty to tell those loved ones. Keep taking care of you :) I’m thankful the world has slowed down, but so sad that still yet more people are dying every day, when it probably shouldn’t have been their time. Stay safe everyone and keep well. And try not to panic and get anxious about the lifting of lockdown, it’s all worrying but if we each are careful and perhaps wear the face masks...you can protect me and I can protect you :) Bear hugs xx

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