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Can you be your own best friend? Thursday April 24, 2014

Frankie in her blog last Sunday asked 'Who's Your Friend'?

So, who's your 'friend'? Can you be your own 'best friend' and reassure and encourage yourself? In my heart of hearts, I firmly believe that we are all doing the best we can – we just need to remind ourselves every day.

This reminded me of a wonderful story I often use in sessions to remind everyone I work with that we all have the ability, or is it 'power', should we choose, to search within to find the answer to our own unique questions.

"Old Sioux Story"

The Creator gathered all of creation and said, "I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it. It is the realisation that they create their own reality."

The eagle said, "Give it to me, I will take it to the moon." The creator said "No. One day they will go there and find it." The salmon said, "I will hide it on the bottom of the ocean." "No. They will go there too." The buffalo said, "I will bury it on the great plains." The creator
said, "They will cut into the skin of the earth and find it even there."

The Grandmother Mole, who lives in the breast of Mother Earth, and who has no physical eyes but sees with spiritual eyes, said: "Put it inside them."

And the Creator said, "It is done."

(Contributed to the Blue Star Four Directions Conference 2001

This is why I always say that the real and most challenging journey is all about 'inscaping' (going within) and never about that supposed quick fix of 'escaping' and seeking an external fix, all too often of a materialistic or short term nature.

We will all require assistance along the way, even a compassionate reassuring external voice. The 'real' sustainable answer to our own multitude of unique challenges will however, always come from a continually developing inner self awareness.

If we are really determined to do our best, to grow and to 'add' to life, to inspire our children and associates, our unique answers will come from our inner unique self.

So in answer to Frankie's question 'Can you be your own best friend'?

I believe that in the end you have to be - therefore absolutely yes - as challenging as that may seem - as that is the only person who will accompany you, to the end of your life journey.

A Moodscope member.

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Anonymous Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 8:43am

Absolutely Les. And thanks for the reminder...

Lex McKee Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 9:49am

The Kingdom (=rule=power) is within you? This is a wonderful story, Les. I wonder if there was also an evil creature listening, jealous of humankind, who then saw its chance to distract humankind for thousands of years looking outside of themselves for 'the answer'? The evil creature then went on to get a job in marketing!

Sorry if that seems a bit harsh to the marketing folks - I actually think marketing and advertising can be brilliant and artistic. My concern is that we are forever encouraging generations to look for 'the answer' in the wrong direction. Time for some inscaping I think, or is it (M)in(d)scaping... or even 'Moodscaping'?

Anonymous Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 10:20am

love reading this :)

thank you so much for sharing

i have only recently started looking within myself and learning to love and accept all the me's inside doing a daily meditation and also using tapping

all with the help of louise hay she showed me the way and i am so grateful for her

i am starting to learn the triggers of when i feel the urge to self harm and also and especially with my depression something that i have suffered with for most of my adult life

i am not taking any meds for that anymore and will never take them again i am the only one that can help myself by becoming my best friend and learning to love the me's inside my head

i still have days when i feel really down but i am not staying down for so long and i can def see the road ahead more clearly and know that i will get there

i also have reminders going of on my phone and have also downloaded some really good apps that also help to keep me focused

Anonymous Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 10:29am

we have both inside us and its for us to ignore the evil side and try and concentrate on the good the side that wants to love and accept

also depending on how you are brought up makes a big difference in my family i was told from a very young age that god could see me and knows when i was bad but going to confession each saturday i could be absolved from any sins and for a while i thought great it means i can do what i want and wilbe forgiven by just saying afew hail marys etc

also my dad who was the catholic married a divorced woman so couldnt go for communion till he had divorced her again wtf

i turned my back on mainstream religion and now am more spirtual and with the help of amazing teachers such as louise hay and wayne dyer i am finally learning to be at peace with me and the evil side that had quite a grip has gotton quieter i know its still inside and will always be there but i am gaining more control and intend to remember to sit in stilness and only listen to my inner core the one that is intune with the universa and spread as much love and kindness around as i can :)

i hope i dont cause any offence to anyone that is the main stream religions as that is not my intention everyone is entitled to believe in whatever they wish

heather Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 10:47am

Wow "the realisation that you create your own reality" - this is something that I have learnt to believe (but mainly on good days !) - still struggling to believe that I create the bad days or being able to alter them much, but this timely reminder is going to help me. I'm no good at getting down to meditation but I do find the chant "I'm Sorry. Please Forgive Me. Thank You. I Love You" felt deeply from within, does tend to shift things and brings me back to the acceptance that my feelings are my own responsibility and yes, my own reality, and therefore we do create our own reality. Wish I was better at it though ! But still naive enough to believe that if we wish hard enough sometimes wishes come true !

Anonymous Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 11:14am

What a wonderful story Les, thank-you. Despite my own words I still struggle to "be my own best friend" - and thank-you to all the previous bloggers today who have given me much food for thought. Inscaping; yes, so necessary. My default position is to "escape" into busyness and over-activity; but this has come at a very high price in the past on more than one occasion. My greatest challenge to date offered by my yoga teacher is: "Can you sit silently with yourself, and accept every part of you - the good and the bad?". Ouch! Frankie

Julia Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 3:00pm

In my experience in the workplace, I found that other people didn't allow me to be my best friend. For whatever reasons (self aggrandisement, greed, jealousy, insecurity etc etc) my bosses and many co workers caused me to have a very low opinion of my ability and my personality. I depended on them for my monthly income and eventually had to leave. I couldn't stand it or them any longer. Of course all that is behind me now thankfully and I can be my best friend. However when you are under such pressure to conform to others' standards and you just cannot sustain that lie any longer, you end up, or at least I did, not liking yourself and being too weak in spirit to do much about it. I like your blog Les and it's a good idea not to be too hard on oneself, to like yourself etc but it's terribly difficult when you have to earn money in a job that's not for you. However I am sure the work you do with young people must help enormously to equip them with the skills I just did not have to survive a hostile work environment.

Mary Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 3:56pm

Great story Les (I can always tell it's you at the first sentence). It's a long journey towards self acceptance and love for many of us, but it's great when you can, at last say, "You know what? I rather like myself: I am happy to be me." Even when the great black beast has us in its maw and is busy chomping away at us!

Richard Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 8:32pm

I loved reading this. Thankyou so much for sharing. Tapping seems to be popular. Where can I find out about it?
Warmest regards,

Les Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 10:24pm

Hi Richard
For tapping put EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) into any search engine and take your choice. if I remember has loads of free stuff

Les Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 10:33pm

Hi Anonymous
Your initial comment has prompted the next blog - look out for it.....

Les Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 11:03pm

Keep going on that 'inscaping' journey.....great that you are off meds....fab that you are starting to learn your triggers - self awareness is the start of all personal change.......
Keep going

Les Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 11:24pm

"There is hope in dreams, imagination, and in the courage of those who wish to make those dreams a reality." Jonas Salk

"A leader is a dealer in hope." Napoléon Bonaparte

"Nothing happens unless first we dream." Carl Sandburg

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don't give up." Anne Lamott

les Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 11:53pm

Ahhh..... these bloomin wise yoga teachers.......!!
Change your language tho.......start saying your default is to 'inscape'.....and then guess what might happen....?

Les Thu, Apr 24th 2014 @ 11:58pm

I was never allowed to 'chomp' or be 'chomped' in my 'maw' at the dinner table - or the 'great black beast'.......very rude ;-)

Les Fri, Apr 25th 2014 @ 12:03am


Aye - your money or your soul - the modern day highwaymen..??

And your legacy will be....?
Tough one.....

Anonymous Fri, Apr 25th 2014 @ 4:35pm

Even if it isn't true? So by saying it often enough "I need to inscape / I inscape to find myself / by inscaping I protect myself " whatever, the affirmations become true? Is it really that simple?

Which has just reminded me of another yoga teacher I know who says "Visualise the positive outcome".
Maybe it is that simple ... I can but try!
Thanks Les

Les Fri, Apr 25th 2014 @ 10:30pm


Put it more simply - 'telling' yourself that your default position 'is to escape' - let alone then embedding it by writing it - then that is exactly what will happen.

Writing things deepens them far more strongly - as you did above.

Writing affirmations also strengthens them - if you believe they work for you.

It your own 'belief' that predicts it...hence you need to be your own best friend. See this weekend's blog that I think Caroline is fitting in to carry on that dialogue..

Anonymous Sat, Apr 26th 2014 @ 5:25pm

Thanks Les; I say affirmations most days and yes on the whole they work very well for me; it never occurred to me to write them down!

I have in the past written down negative thoughts - mainly when grieving and also when very angry - I found it helpful as often I would be repeating myself - so I could then say to myself "It's ok; you have already written this bit down - you can let it go now". It helped break the cycle of the "perpetual rumination" Dawn referred to. (However I haven't thrown away what I wrote - I don't look at it often, but I don't think I could throw it away - not sure why ...) Thank-you for taking the time to reply - also for today's blog. Frankie

Anonymous Sat, Apr 26th 2014 @ 8:11pm

Thank-you for replying Les; I used to write things down - when in a dark place to deal with grief and anger - then when I started repeating myself I could tell myself "It's ok; you have already written about this" - for me it was a good way to let go of negative emotions. I have never considered writing my affirmations down - this is something I will try - thank-you Les - it had never occurred to me before. (Interestingly, I still have the book I wrote in - I haven't yet been able to get rid of it; I don't look at it, but it sits there on my book shelf should I need to revisit it - if only to remind myself of how far I have travelled since then). I have already replied to you so apologies if I am repeating myself - but I can't see my last post!
Thank-you for taking the time to accompany me on this part of my journey Les; I really appreciate it. Frankie

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