Moodscope's blog

10

June


Can there be too many questions? Saturday June 10, 2017

I have always liked asking questions. Would you ever have guessed?

When I was a child my question asking was encouraged and even admired, but as I grew older
the pride of parents grew to tiredness then embarrassment.

I never meant to make people feel uncomfortable by my questions but I always seem to have so many in my head.

I thought that by asking questions I could learn more but as I grew older my questions were either ignored by teachers or I was a nuisance. (Can you imagine that?).

At university, I used to ask questions in tutorials and sometimes a tutor would ridicule me before answering the question. Afterwards people would come up and tell me they did not understand the concept either and thanked me.

I am not sure why people see questions as annoying. Or is it me that people find annoying? Do I really want to know the answer?

When I first started taking medication I asked the doctor many questions but he just smiled and said just take the tables and be a good girl, I was in my 30s at the time. I changed doctors.

I hope now people are encouraged to ask doctors questions but I do know many health professional get frustrated because people ask questions based on Dr google.

As consumers how will we get answers if we can't ask questions?

I have read when you first meet someone that is possible to ask so many questions that the person feels like they are being interviewed or worse interrogated.

A shy friend says she asks lots of questions in social situations so she does not have to answer any.

Now I did have several, well four, questions to end my blog, but I have decided to give everyone a chance to ask your own question? You can ask to me or the whole of the Moodscope community.

Or you can answer the title of this blog. What will you do?

Leah
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Molly Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 2:34am

Too many questions and I am overloaded. A conversation should flow without firing questions at someone. I hate being put on the spot.

In medical or professional terms, then that is fair enough, if we are seeking knowledge and advice. On a personal level, questions can show an interest in the other person but only if the person is at ease with the subject in hand and the 'questioner' is not doing it to intimidate due to their own insecurities or gains.

I once had a friend round for dinner quite regularly and she fired questions at me so she could carry on eating and I was so busy answering the questions, I never got to eat my own dinner.

Molly xx

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 7:35am

Molly I think your friend was not being fair. I have a cousin who always ask me loads of question about myself and family so she would not have to talk about herself. I am now thinking if anyone has done that while I was eating. Thanks for your comment.

The Gardener Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 12:23pm

Molly, this is from yesterday when I used the word 'weird' seemingly in wrong context. This nephew started hard drugs when young - he is very brainy, but has resisted all occupation - nobody has 'named' his problem. I hold to the word 'weird' as odd, difficult to cope with - which his staring into space for hours is

Molly Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 3:20pm

Hi Gardener. I don't really like the word 'odd' either. I wonder if people think I am 'odd' or 'weird'. Perhaps I am. Thing is staring into space is one of the symptoms of some mental illnesses and it's not easy getting a diagnosis, especially if the person doesn't seek one of course. Although I appreciate this behaviour is hard to cope with. Thanks for responding xx

The Gardener Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 4:58pm

Bit more, Molly, been thinking. Since 'political correctness' words are a minefield. I think we have an almost primeval fear of anyone who is 'different' we have not been trained to cope - as I take Mr G back and forth to the psychiatric hospital (he goes to the Alzheimer unit) more and more of the 'inmates' claim me as a friend - and I am coping - I learn their names, shakes hands but draw the line at kissing the young man with acute acne!

Molly Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 6:14pm

Without wanting to be rude or in any way offensive Gardener, I think it might be your generation, as mental illness is much more accepted and recognised these days. It took ages, for instance, for my parents to even start to try and understand my problems and still they struggle. Personally I don't have a fear of anyone that is 'different'. In fact I rather like the fact that they are! I fear you are digging a deeper hole when you say you refuse to kiss the man with acne !! I have eczema so I won't expect any kisses from you then, I will send you some though :-) xxxxxxx

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:32pm

Gardener I suppose a behaviour can be about context. If your nephew was staring into space at night outside for hours he would been seen as being interested in astronomy not weird. Many brilliant inventors were seen as odd in their times. Edison's teacher told his mother to keep him at home because he was too odd for school.

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:35pm

Molly I think as I said to Gardener that odd or weird ( I have been called both) depend on the context and Whoi is doing the naming.I prefer the word quirky. I agree getting a diagnosis and the right diagnosis can be tricky.

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:44pm

TG and Molly, I didn't see your second replies till I had replied to the firsts. Thanks for the interesting discussion which does bring up many questions. I think some people can't cope with people who are different but I dont think everyone behaves like that and I dont think we all have a primeval fear of people who are different. Do you think it is an age thing or a personality thing? I know young people who don't accept mental illness and older people who do. I like being different odd weird and quirky and like people like that as they are far more fascinating. I think things have changed with mental illness being accepted more than 40 years ago when I was diagnosed but I think there is still a way to go. Thanks to you both for raising interesting ideas.

Molly Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 11:28pm

In my experience, it's an age thing. With no personal dig at gardener, I have experienced similar attitudes, as I guess that older people had tougher lives, were taught differently to us. I'm sure in twenty years time, there will be something else that comes along that we don't understand. But I prefer to keep an open mind, as no one knows what is going on in someone else's head.

Eva Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 12:39am

Hiya my pennyworth I don't think it's specific to age, I think appreciation of what it's like to have or have had mental illness is dependent on experience, some older folks I know are really engaged and have a full and empathetic understanding of mental illness, and other younger folk I know have no understanding or tolerance at all. And vice versa, I think it's down to their experience and character.

Eva Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 12:59am

Oh, and I'm content to be a weirdo quite proud of it infact

Leah Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 2:13am

Eva I think there is a difference between calling oneself weirdo than having others label you like that without your consent.

Leah Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 2:16am

Eva Thanks for your reply. I also thinks it depends on the people you meet.

Molly Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 9:26am

Eva, I agree it is not specific to age, I also know many younger people that don't get it. Many of my friends don't but it does seem quite common in older people because they were brought up with a real stigma behind mental illness. I know we still have a stigma but it is not as bad as it used to be. Older people have old fashioned views on many things, is what I was trying to say but generally yes experience, character and who you meet along the way. Let's all be weirdos together.

Leah Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 10:14am

Molly There was an Australian move in the 1960s based on a book about an Italian migrant called they're a weird mob! So behind weird in Australia is part of our heritage. Let us all be weirdos together. I like being quirky too,

Molly Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 12:06pm

When I was about 8, my mum told me there was this weird woman who lived nearby. It really scared me as I didn't really know what 'weird' meant. How was I to deal with this? How could I avoid her? What was she capable of? Would she kill me? I have had a problem with the word 'weird' ever since!! Quirky is much better!!

Leah Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 2:52am

Molly I can see why the word weird scared you. The woman was probably a friendly woman with an interesting past.

Molly Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 1:39pm

She was probably quirky Leah :-) xx

Leah Tue, Jun 13th 2017 @ 2:09am

I hope to be a quirky old woman that children want to visit!

Gillian Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 6:55am

Hi I totally get that. I am in a new work environment. I sought the professionals to get help to learn the job and was then moaned at for asking too many questions. The problem I have is that most of my team, that I work with will not ask anyone else apart from the other member on our group. Rather than getting a quick decision they talk amongst themselves to get a result that can take ages and turn into a general chat-no problems with that we need a break. But If I interject with an answer I tend to get ignored or challenged by the rest of the team. It then isolates me so I don't bother getting involved anymore. I still ask the professionals on my team and I really don't care if I get graded down because of it. At least I know I am doing the right thing. I am quite a sensitive person but feel some days that I am in a battlefield.

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 7:37am

Gillian What an interesting answer. Work culture regarding questions can be hard to work out at first. Maybe your team was told not to ask questions. It must be frustrating for you. Thanks for adding a different perspective.

Gillian Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 6:57am

I forgot to mention that my entire group are new at this job. I seek advice from another team- a small group of people I must add.

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 9:54am

Gillian I wish ou all the best in your new job. Keep asking questions.

the room above the garage Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 7:13am

Hello Leah, I do so enough your blogs! They are like little stir pots for me, they turn over my mind like turning over earth to plant. I adore a question and I tend to ask. Nothing I love more than finding out something untold for years...when I first met my father in law I just asked what I was curious about involving his work travels. My then boyfriend said he'd never heard the stories as he'd never felt he could ask. I like to ask :-) and if people don't wish to answer there are plenty available words to craft a gentle non answer :-) My question to everyone is what are you going to do with today? I'm going to be standing in a soggy field but I'm sure it will be fun at times! I wish a good day to all, and if it's not a good day I wish a little peace for you. Love ratg x.

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 7:40am

Tratg, Thanks for your comment and question. I have had people say to me like your then bf did to you, that they found out stories about their relative from my questions. I think not being emotionally involved a stranger can ask question where a close relative could not. To answer your question- Well my day is heading towards dusk. Tonight I will relax and rest and maybe catch up with sorting and pricing. What are you doing in a soggy field besides standing?

Jane SG Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 7:47am

Tratg - I'm going to finish a piece of work unfinished from yesterday, run my daughter to drama and then a flash mob dance performance in town, then maybe go to a barbecue if I feel up to it. I hope you enjoy your soggy field! X

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 9:54am

Jane, Just a simple day for you. Is m exhausted just reading it.

Dragonfly Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:28pm

Dear Ratg, I'm also keen to know what you were doing standing in a soggy field! Jane SG - your flash mob dance performance sounds fun, I hope it went well. Today I continued my training for the 10k run I impulsively signed up for, which is in August. I'm running for York Mind and am very pleased that I've now increased my distance to 8k :). Leah - I think questions are good and show a natural curiosity or interest in something/someone. I studied for my degree as a mature student and one of the most helpful things a tutor ever said, during my first year, was that there's no such thing as a silly question. As someone who was still lacking in confidence, and often felt overwhelmed by just actually being at uni, that was great to hear x

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:47pm

DRagonfly Thanks for your reply. 10km I am tired thinking about it! Thats great. I like it when people say there is no such thing as a silly question . It would give you confidence. Alas I have not heard that a lot.

the room above the garage Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 1:44pm

Soggy field in Ireland to watch my son in a piping competition. But the rain didn't arrive. The sun came instead so we now have crispy faces!! :-)

Leah Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 2:54am

I would love to go to Ireland- it is on my to do list!Ratg, I had a vision of your son piping icing sugar then I thought you may mean bagpipes!! How did your son go?

the room above the garage Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 10:41am

Brilliant! I laughed to read that! Yes bagpipes :-) his band were second in their section, celebrations! He suffers anxiety though so although its been a happy weekend he is now drained. In school but drained.

Leah Tue, Jun 13th 2017 @ 2:10am

ratg How wonderful he can cope with competition inspite of his anxiety. I hope you both are proud of him.

Jane SG Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 7:45am

Hi Leah, I'm known for asking the 'wrong' people the 'wrong' questions! E.g. Asking my chief executive if he was going to sing happy birthday to me on my birthday! The answer was no. I talk to anyone and ask them all sorts of things! Xx

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 9:55am

Jane What is a 'wrong' question? What is a 'wrong' person?

Jane SG Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 9:14pm

From some of my colleagues perspective Leah. The whole hierarchy thing at work where you're 'not supposed' to talk to certain people,like some of the directors, and certainly 'not allowed' to say incorrect things! Or have a joke with them! But I do anyway! Xx

Leah Tue, Jun 13th 2017 @ 2:15am

Jane I don't like that hierarchy thing either. I was taught by my mum to respect everyone and I assume that back. When I was a teacher's aide(before I was a teacher) I used to say good morning to the director of education who had offices near my school and I worked with his wife. he never acknowledged me even though I said hello to him every day!!! After a term of being ignored he said good morning Leah!! I nearly fainted!!

Orangeblossom Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 8:44am

Hi Leah once I asked my Mum the wrong question at the wrong time and she told me to shut up and go to sleep. That I was boring. That has totally undermined my self -confidence. I know it it was the wrong question to the wrong person at the wrong time. I don't ask many questions but perhaps I could change the way I interact. Nowadays I tend to preface questions with "I wonder whether or if"....

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 9:59am

Orangeblossom, That is sad that your eagerness was squashed. I know as a parent sometimes after a Long day of never ending questions at night I'd say I will right down your question and we will answer it the morning. I must admit sometimes I would say I am so tired tell me in the morning.

Jul Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 9:10am

Questions! I do ask questions as I don't like talking about myself unless..yes you've guessed it, I feel on top form. Then I get bored with other peoples' conversation and their talk about themselves which on previous occasions I have somehow found fascinating (so relieved I didn't have to talk!) Many, I would say most, people love to answer questions about themselves and if you are a good listener, this gives them carte blanche to talk for Britain. It works for me really. I have a set of friends who know me well enough to gauge my mood (I think) and actually over the years of our friendship, we have all had the chance to air our views..them more than me I have to say. My daughter once said I was mysterious not revealing all about myself which was a nice thing to say.Having been married for a good few years, I do get irritated by my OH asking me questions, I've just told him the answers to a few moments ago. Leah,I realise I haven't asked a question! If we were all to meet face to face, I would never have said all this but would instead be asking you loads about yourself/ves. How are you today Leah and how has your day been? What's the weather like done under? Jul xxx

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:04am

Jul I like the way you reveal things about yourself here . I hope in real life you would relax and reveal about yourselves. I am ok and the weather has been cold but not too cold.

Jul Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 9:11am

Down under

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:07am

I like done under better than down under.

Jul Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 12:54pm

Ha ha! Done under it will be then in future Jul xx

the room above the garage Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 10:42am

Done under :-D

Leah Tue, Jun 13th 2017 @ 2:11am

That is me Leah from done under but never under done!!

LH Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 9:26am

Hi Leah,
I love asking questions and love being asked questions.
I view it as showing an interest but have found that people are sometimes a bit uncomfortable with direct questions about their thoughts or feelings as opposed to their shoes or house decor.
I think in professional situations people, especially managers, can feel threatened by questions as they can imply criticism of their plans i.e. if nobody questions their plans they must be right but questions may highlight they are not.
Thanks for your blog

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:06am

LH Thanks for your comments. People can feel threatened by questions. You say you like asking questions but you did not ask any.

Claire Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:15am

Hello fellow moodscopers. I have been reading moodscope every day since August 2015.

It seems much longer as I have learned mountains from it about myself about people. I have contributed very little only in the early days. A busy life and no room for blogging. But today after reading Leah's questions, I feel compelled to. I was also like you, always questioning, more for genuine clarification and deep desire to understand the world, but latterly myself. I am 50 years old gone December and decided that having learned so much from my experiences - from the first trauma at 10 years old and subsequent chronic trauma up to and including all those years until recently - that "enough is enough" sorry I am not a Tory, that I am choosing life, love, and living, laughing, hope, hope and hope again.

It is a choice, but I can only make that choice now, after years of learning about myself and the experiences through experiencing trauma first, then reflecting on it, through drugs during episodes, through attending depression workshops in the 90s, through studying counselling and mental ill health to level 3, realising that I do not want to be a counsellor, but want to just understand the theories and theorist etc behind my experiences. Through subsequent person-centred counselling and then applying CBT strategies that I had learned from studying the subject. I got myself through this (my poor family, particularly my husband) have suffered. But no more. I am healthy now, I also run, as I produce a lot of adrenalin, through anxiety, or sometimes just excitement on the other end of the spectrum. I over think, I scan all the time, but less so now, as realise I need to be more selective in my receiving of information in whatever medium.

I do know that I was not born this way and I do not believe anyone is born this way. I believe that genes have something to do with having a propensity to certain things, and I believe that genes have something to do with how my brain reacts or not reacts, chemically or psychologically, based on how I view, perceive situations, or think.

I believe, thinking, my brain and how it functions in my thinking is a contributor to my behaviour. But also there are extremes of experience that have to also be taken into account that I have no control over or responsibility for.

I have spent 40 years healing. Daily moodscope reading has contributed to the last two of those 40 years and I am deeply grateful to you all. All you virtual moodscopers. I love you. You are realy people and although I will probably never ever meet you in the flesh, I want to know that I love you as my fellow men and women.

I have more than survived. I have lived a life and now I am Living my life.

One thing that I have not mentioned and want to thank also, is the faith in my life, which is God. I was a cradle Roman Catholic. So I call our Creator God, but call our Creator what you will, it really does not matter. But it is our Creator that has been at the centre of everying in my life. Which is why I am Living now and will continue to live through eternity.

God Bless.

Claire

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:32am

Claire hanks for the detailed response and telling us about your life and what has worked. I am glad you have worked through your problems, Thank you for reading all the blogs. Thanks for replying today.

Claire Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:24am

PS in answer to your question Leah, there can never be too many questions. Just write them down, then deal with each one according to its priority. That's one view anyway. Curiosity is good. The motivation behind the curiosity might not be. But it is up to those involved in the questions that can make that judgement based on the content of what is discussed following the questions.
Claire

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:35am

Claire, Thanks for answering my question.I agree curiosity is a good thing.

Claire Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:31am

I'm making up for 2 years worth of silence...haha! :-)

Today, I am going to a coffee morning with my 10 year old daughter, not my typical past time, just want to support the cause and then taking her for a treat to get her hair trimmed. (she's only had her hair cut professionally once in her life!) I usually cut it. Then groceries as guests arriving later. Then probably going to see my husband sing in his funky band at local pub party, if I have the energy. If not, just in front of the box with the kids, after my 14 year old has been revising all day!

Have a wonderful day, and thanks for listening folks x

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:38am

Claire I hope this i the first of many replies and blogs. Thanks for answering ratgs question. You have a busy day . I like the idea of singing in a funky band. All the best.

The Gardener Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 12:34pm

I love RATG description of 'little stir pots' pestle and mortar or Macbeth witches. Want to make sense, blog fascinating, had a maddening morning and steam coming out of ears. When I was a mature student I learned very quickly NEVER to ask a question when lecture hour was nearly up. Asking questions in the public domain, as at meetings, is an art forms. In boring meetings I would play consequences under the table with my pals - or the crossword. If I wanted to be noticed I would make sure I was where I could make sure the chairman could not avoid me. At conferences I was always careful to formulate any question - as I was often the only woman I was terribly visible. Also, so many 'questioners' only wanted an opportunity to rant or make a speech. Still remember the facers posed by children and grand-children. Here in France I had an English boy of 8 and a French boy of 11 (separate occasions) who would pass up visits with their families to plague their poor hostess with questions. And they were so horribly bright and persistent

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:54pm

Gardener You have written many interesting ideas about questions , Thanks. I think planning and timing are important when asking questions in the public. I used to ask questions in tutorials and be ridiculed by the tutor only to have students come up afterwards and say how they appreciated my questions as they did not understand the concept either but were too scared to ask.

The Gardener Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 3:26pm

Been cogitating, sleeping in the sun and cheering up my under the weather neighbour (92) she'd stopped e-mailing and I was worried - 40 minutes phone call, so OK. People with children and grand-children - when do you think they are most questioning? A 10 year old spent time with us - what did he want to do for his last day? Go for a walk with Granny. Up the river we had the prospects for the premier football season, and down the first class cricket averages - I tried to show an intelligent interest - but I get no further than knowing the state of their favourite teams. Am I an old curmudgeon? Or has our role been taken over by social media? Shouldn't think they even ask the age-old question 'where do babies come from?'

Molly Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 6:26pm

So true ! Those innocent questions are missed as they learn it all now themselves on line. Well also schools now teach sex education, which they didn't even in my day (I'm 48). My latest blog (that has not been published yet) is about the internet and social media. I am totally torn as to whether it is a great thing or a terrible thing. I wouldn't want my kids on it ! But as I don't have any, I find myself still wondering where babies come from.....

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:57pm

Gardener I think it depends on the child on what they ask. I know children who still ask questions innocent and embarrassing.

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 10:59pm

Molly, I am smiling at your last sentence. Sometimes I think children think they know more than they really know. Also they can have lots of misinformation as well. I look forward to reading your blog.

Molly Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 7:03pm

I have a question Leah, why are people so judgemental ? Those of us that are unwell - yes unwell - have to deal with people on a daily basis, who refuse to even try to understand the struggles some of us face and I am feeling really annoyed, so I would be very interested to hear from anyone who wants to answer that question.

Leah Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 11:05pm

Molly I think that would be a great question for a blog. I have no idea why people are so judgmental I don;t think everyone is but I know I dont think I am but then I catch myself making a snap judgment because of something superficial. I am aware I have this tendency . People's backgrounds, culture, life experiences can all add to them being judgmental. That was a general answer.In regards to mental illness I think lack of information, prejudice and stubborn rigid ideas can make people judgmental and not compassionate. A great question- Thanks Molly for all your contributions, much appreciated.

Victoria Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 11:35pm

Because I feel safer. Because it is easier. Because I see myself as normal and you are different and therefore dangerous. My life will be ok if I'm not like you. I feel bad about myself and being mean about you makes me feel better. Because I have never experienced someone like you. Because I have no concept of what this illness/feeling means. Because those really are just ugly shoes. Ive used I statements for ease and whilst somewhat flippant, I guess the answer is because... I've spent today worrying how badly my colleagues may feel about me not being at work and coming up with justifications in my head for how this is not a holiday, that they should be thankful, that they don't know what the morphine not working at all feels like, that they don't know how embarrassed I am that Gatwick called two fire trucks, an ambulance and the incident commander just because I just couldn't stand up any longer. But in their heads the questions may be, I don't understand, why do you feel like that? Why can't you come to work? Why can't you stand up, why do you make a fuss, why do I have to do everything, why are you still in bed, why can't you just feel better?! If we're lucky, both sides can take a step back, and think about the other person.

Molly Sat, Jun 10th 2017 @ 11:45pm

I would be happy to write another blog if my blogs didn't take so long to publish. For me it feels like that moment has gone from when I wrote the blog. Others seem to get instant publication, even when it's controversial. Which is has been lately. But I do appreciate your comments and feedback to what I have said xx

Molly Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 12:13am

Wow, that was a reply and a half Victoria. Thank you, I am not sure what to say. I am truly lost for words. You mention morphine? That has thrown me a little? I can only add on a general note that people are mainly wrapped up in themselves. If I took a day off when I was depressed, by boss rung me up and shouted at me down the phone that there were urgent things to be doing. I only needed a day or two - the other days I was there 24/7 for him. I fear that you have something more wrong which I am so sorry. Please do not feel bad. I was told many times to put myself before any job. I didn't listen and crashed xx

Leah Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 12:31am

Victoria What an amazing reply. I can see you are trying to understand how others may see you and others and how they may judge you with out really knowing you. I like your last line about taking a step back and thinking about the other person. If only people would do that before judging and saying hurtful things. Thanks again.

Leah Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 12:33am

Molly That is sad that your boss had no understanding of what you were struggling with. I suppose it is hard to out oneself before any job when you have a boss who won't let you take one day off. Take care xx

Molly Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 1:23am

Most bosses and colleagues do not give a flying floosy - they want the job done - end of. If they are ok, how can you possibly not be ?

Leah Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 2:21am

I read about one exception about a boss who experienced depression and then found his own company to help companies cope with mental illness among their workers. All the people in company had a lived experience with mental illness and they spoke to companies to create more awareness. I know this is just one company but it is a start.

Molly Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 9:42am

Yes you hear the odd good thing going on but it's rare. I wonder how many companies actually take on board this sort of thing. I suppose it comes back to character/personality/experience. Discrimination is not supposed to be allowed, but it goes on all of the time as there are usually ways around it. Plus an unwell person, whether it be mental or physical or both, may not be strong enough to contest it.

Leah Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 10:16am

I agree, one hopes things are changing but ingrown prejudices are hard to shift. That is why I am lucky to have my own business.

Victoria Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 10:33am

Thank you. I was worried I was a little ranty as I'd just finished sobbing at a book! I have fibromyalgia as well as depression and anxiety so I have a lot of pain and everything plays off everything else. I've been in a flare since Jan but caught a cold at the end of April and it's chucked me right down. I push myself so hard to keep going that I literally crash, to the ground. It's funny how quickly something like that becomes normal and my partner keeps reminding me that it isn't. I on,y fell down once this week, isn't normal. I was at a conference last month that I really wanted to go to because I was speaking. I knew it would take a lot out of me but it wiped me out. I managed to get to the airport and arrange to take an earlier flight home but on landing I had to get on the transfer bus thingy and the assistance I'd requested wasn't there so, down I went. People are so lovely but I feel so guilty for all the fuss. Same with ending up in a&e when none of my pain meds worked. None that they gave me (morphine etc) worked either, and I feel such a fake because I'm not, you know, in a car accident or something. My boss is pretty good, but I know I could never hold down a job in the private sector as they couldn't handle my sickness. But I'm not constantly sick enough to meet criteria for government assistance. So I have to have a job, and I like having a job, but sometimes it is so exhausting. My boss told me at my performance review that a few of the team had mentioned that I put people off in the morning if I don't smile and chat. That it looks like I'm angry that I have to be at work. That links back to what you were saying about questions. Someone asks me how I am in the morning and it takes so much brain energy to think of an answer that isn't "I'm exhausted and about to fall down but I need to keep my job so I'm here". When's I'm feeling bad I can go from being fine with chatting and questions to falling down exhausted and I don't know which questions will set it off or how long my energy will last. I'm sure it's the same for many people with mental health issues. I just want to look at people and say "do you know how much effort it took to get out of bed this morning, how can you possibly expect me to have the energy to answer when you ask me whether I want tea or coffee?!". Except there wouldn't be an exclamation point because I'm too tired ? It does sound like I am luckier than you though Molly with your job and I sympathise with you.

Caroline Ashcroft Moodscope Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 12:00pm

Hi Molly, I understand your point about your blogs not being published the next day, but the blogs very rarely are. We receive quite a few blogs and we need to make sure that there is variety in the subject matter in any one week and mix up the short and the long ones etc, plus there's editing to be done so we do try to publish them soon after they are submitted but can't guarantee it will be within a day or week. I hope you understand as we really do appreciate the blogs everyone sends in. Carolinex

Molly Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 2:57pm

Hi Caroline, I really do not expect my blogs to be published the next day, I just struggle to understand why some blogs are chosen over others in no particular order. I suppose I like some sort of order and wonder how you prioritise? I spend days fretting about my blog and personally it makes me want to say not to publish it, but I realise you have a difficult job to do. I am worried that I may have to come off Moodscope as I am not sure it is doing me much good. I used to enjoy it but I cannot tolerate people judging mental health as I have enough of that in the real world. M xx

Molly Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 3:08pm

Victoria, never worry about a rant, I am the biggest worrier for that. It is ok though, it is what the site is about, to have a good old rant. I really do relate with what you say on so many counts, I really do, I will try to reply more later xx

Caroline Ashcroft Moodscope Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 7:59pm

Hi Molly, there is no specific order for the blogs as we don't know what's going to turn up and they are chosen for many reasons and are published as soon as we can after they are received because of their content or their style or their length or if something is topical. Please don't ever fret about your blogs - if we don't feel a blog is appropriate we will explain why by return. I don't think anyone is judging mental health, everyone here is very supportive - each person has their own views on depression, medication, therapy etc. and their own way of saying something, but it is very rare for anyone to judge or criticise anyone else. I think there are people old and young who don't understand many aspects of mental health, including those that are suffering. Carolinex

Molly Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 8:31pm

Fair enough Caroline. Perhaps I've just been in a bad mood. Molly xx

Leah Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 3:00am

Victoria, You have to deal with so much. It is hard when you ask a question when you don't know what a person is struggling with or how much effort it took them to get out of bed or get to work. I wrote a blog about people who ask me to smile and how it annoys me! There is more I can comment on, I will try later as I have a shop and have customers now. Take care.

Leah Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 3:02am

Caroline Thanks for explaining about how the blogs are used.

Leah Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 3:04am

Molly Your comments and blogs are an asset to Moodscope . You are honest and that is refreshing.

Molly Mon, Jun 12th 2017 @ 1:46pm

Thank you Leah - that means alot to me xx

Eva Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 12:58am

Hi Leah, I do ask questions, also as some other folk have mentioned to gain space in a conversation, but generally it's at the beginning of an encounter, so that I can settle down and get comfortable and then I also converse. I think that I feel my way around a conversation so I would hope that I respond to the way my companion is feeling and wouldn't put them under pressure if they weren't up for it. Good blog.

Victoria your observations are spot on, a really good bit of writing. I'm sorry that you got into that situation at Gatwick, I hope you are having an easier time now, and look to the present for peace.

Leah Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 2:22am

Eva Thanks for explaining your questioning style.

Leah Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 2:26am

Questions? Questions?
Do questions provoke for questions or more answers?
Thanks to ratg and molly for asking questions and everyone's comments that provoked more comments and discussion.
Thank you all so much. It is never too late to make a comment.
I may put more planning into my questions who knows?

Molly Sun, Jun 11th 2017 @ 9:45am

:-) thank you too Leah for your responses xx

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