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Breaking down my emotions. Tuesday February 18, 2014

I started using moodscope as I felt myself struggling.

When I began I was at an epic low point. I had good intentions galore, but after a break away, I returned to my world and was affronted by a myriad of problems. I was lost. On my worst day I decided to do the Moodscope test. I also did it the next day and the next. I found myself allowing it to work for me. It wasn't worth fighting because it could actually help.

Moodscope has helped me to break my emotions down into manageable chunks. Instead of being overwhelmed by negativity, I have become able to identify on one day that perhaps I am feeling jittery and distressed, but in fact I am not scared and I can actually still say that I am excited about at least some aspects of my life. It makes the whole thing less categoric, and I can get to know my daily ups and downs a lot better.

The test works for me as a sort of magnifying glass, through which I can examine my reactions to each different emotion card and how they fluctuate, or don't.

Take the determination card for example. I am a person with set goals: I have an aspiration which I have been working towards most of my life and it is, in fact, a huge part of what I am. I'm forever working for it and, for my sanity, forever trying not to let it be everything I am. This aspiration and these goals have largely caused the depression which I have battled with since my early teens, from the pressure that I, and others, put upon myself.

However, having these aspirations and goals gives me an unwavering sense of determination. On a really bad day, when my goals seem very far and I would like nothing more than to never leave my bed, I can still comfortably give myself a two or a three for determination. On a great day, I can be elated and have achieved something good but my determination will remain the same. I am determined. All the time. And I'm quite proud of that. It's a life raft, in a way. It keeps me from scoring a zero, it's a small comfort when everything else is going wrong.

Maybe there's a card that's always flipped to the positive side for you. If there is? Well done you. That's fantastic. It's certainly a quality to hold on to. Unfortunately this goes the other way too. I'm usually distressed and almost always nervous. But seeing these cards marking high most days lets me address the problem. Better the evil you know than the evil you don't, right?

Well, ten months after joining moodscope, I'm still scoring myself every day. Sometimes it's low and sometimes it's high, but on the whole it is a great deal steadier than it would have been this time last year.

I want to wish you a wonderful day, but in the case that you aren't having a wonderful day, I offer a knowing smile and I hope that your tomorrow is better. Record your emotions, good or bad, and learn from the patterns and repetitions. Get to know yourself better.

All my love and best wishes to each of you.

A Moodscope user.

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Itscoldoutside Tue, Feb 18th 2014 @ 9:52am

Thankyou Rika, a wonderful post, brought a tear to my eye and made me feel so much less alone.

Anonymous Tue, Feb 18th 2014 @ 10:15am

good to hear its not just me who always scores high on distressed and nervous cards. also scared, frightened and upset ones. hard not to beat self up about this so your post helps remind me of the rest, this morning despite feeling very anxious, I can score a little higher for others - enthusiastic, inspired. How easy it is to overlook this. I know the more regularly I take the test, the more I am able to detach a little from the wave of emotion that engulfs me. I shall try and do every morning, first thing. Thanks Rika.

Anonymous Tue, Feb 18th 2014 @ 11:36am

Hi Rika, this is a great post! Instead of just assuming what i was feeling with certain emotions, today i really focussed in a mindful way on each card and tried to be curious about what was really going on inside. Had a few surprises! Thank you!

Silvia A Tue, Feb 18th 2014 @ 3:06pm

I really appreciate those posts about the use of Moodscope. Like this another one

So far, they encourage me to do it daily and to learn more about how to use this tool
I do not score so well in determination!.
Thanks, Rika

PurpleSuzi Tue, Feb 18th 2014 @ 3:34pm

Thank you Rika.
A wonderful post.
Best wishes to you too.

Anonymous Tue, Feb 18th 2014 @ 4:33pm

Dear Rika; thank-you so much for your post and in particular your good wishes for a wonderful day and "knowing smile" - so comforting. I am really trying to "get to know myself better" and I am, thanks to Moodscope and the brilliant Moodscope community - thank-you one and all. Frankie xxx

Julia Tue, Feb 18th 2014 @ 5:09pm

I liked the "knowing smile?" too Rika and Frankie. How are you Frankie? I am so much better overall with your advice. xxx

Anonymous Tue, Feb 18th 2014 @ 11:27pm

Hello Julia; how lovely to have a message from you when I find myself back at my mother's with the inevitable discussions about my alcoholic sister - even in absentia she is ever present! Current dilemma - to find keys to drinks cupboard which seem to have gone mysteriously astray ... as has a bottle of whisky ... (Your words of wisdom in December are still with me and I am so grateful for all that you shared with me then.) That said, it is much calmer here with her absent ... though it breaks my heart to say that ...
Apart from that I am doing ok - plodding on ... though reluctantly still struggling to come to terms with my condition and its constraints and limitations. I can't say that I have more energy, but the ampytryptilene (one day I will learn to spell it!!!) has helped remove the "wading through treacle" feeling - consultant appointment end of March so we shall see. I am sitting here with a smile on my face just because I have read your message - thank-you Julia for being there - and isn't this Moodscope community wonderful? It has and is really helping me to "always look on the bright side of life" (are you a Monty Python fan?!) I am so glad that things are better for you. The recent blogs have been particularly good I think, especially the "right prescription" a couple of days ago. Helps me to take my medication more willingly ...
Bye for now and thank-you again Julia. Frankie xxx

Caroline Ashcroft Tue, Feb 18th 2014 @ 11:44pm

It's great to see the Moodscope community emerging and flourishing. Thank you to all of you who are there for each other :-)

Julia Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 5:43pm

Hi Frankie
Where is your sister now then? I do know that feeling of constantly having to think of her and that she is a topic of conversation all the time. It's really not fair that a member of the family should dominate your waking thoughts. I have so much to thank you for Frankie as the Amy tript (!) has done wonders for me. I know my recent blog was full of gloom and I do still feel like that some of the time but I know the Dr will always prescribe the Amy whatsit and it does help. I never lie awake tossing and turning. I may not sleep deeply every night , in fact far from it but this is the only drug which i can truly say has ever helped me. I have tried to cut the dose to 5mg and that is good because when I take 10 it works after taking 5 for a couple of nights. I have put on weight , a bit and some mornings I feel so tired as if I can hardly walk upstairs (that's why I cut it to 5mgs) but it's not always like that.Do let me know how you get on with the consultant at the end of March, via Caroline if you prefer. Moodscope is wonderful Where else would I have met you with your wonderful life saving advice for me? Bon courage Frankie. xx

Anonymous Sun, Feb 23rd 2014 @ 8:22am

Beautifully put Rika. Thank you for sharing. Even on the days when I feel like crawling under a rock or curling up and dying, I'm still determined, strong, It's such a paradox but it's so true. It helps me to keep on going. And now 2 years into Moodscope, I'm finally starting to "live" inbetween my goals instead of being completely down most of the time because my goals haven't materialised yet. Eureka! With joy and hope, Katie

Anonymous Sun, Feb 23rd 2014 @ 5:02pm

Hello Julia; SNAP!!! I too have put weight on (back to the 5:2 fasting diet tomorrow!) - but I suspect that this is as a result of a LOVELY week full of sweet treats with my mother then with my brother and family (WITHOUT MY SISTER!!!); sad to say but we have all enjoyed a wonderful, calm, peaceful time ... She is back with her (possibly abusive) husband - so not sure when we will see her again (she is abroad). Only hassle, the question of padlock on drinks cupboard but that appears relatively minor ... SO glad the ampytriptylene is helping you. I suspect that part of my problem is unrealistic expectations of "feeling good" as being the norm and therefore feeling a failure if I do not feel good; have you read "Women who think too much" by Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema? Brilliant title and good book (for me). Also, ruminating on this (and other positive self-help books) helps distract me from the never-ending worries about my sister ...and the idea of "letting go for today (if bad) - tomorrow is another day" Thank-you for your kind words which mean SO MUCH to me - yes Moodscope has been HUGELY helpful to me too; and yes I will let you know how I get on with the consultant.
I wish you peaceful nights and thank-you for replying which I really appreciate ...
Frankie xx

Silvia A Tue, Feb 25th 2014 @ 1:16am

Just a note. On Friday, I got the best score ever! I was able to deal with objects and one room in the flat really improved. On Saturday, I forgot to eat and went to bed too late. On Sunday, I made myself a delicious lunch and tried to do all the laundry at once. I ate more at 3.00 am and at 4.00 am I slept. I do not need to say that there was no active morning today (Monday) not to mention that my score lowered 30 points and the day was not a productive one.
I have already realized that it is difficult for me to keep a regular rhythm. Or, in other words, after a very good day of activity by myself ( I mean no external force) I usually go improductive the following day. Most often because the elation makes me go to bed later.
Using Moodscope I could see it.

Silvia A Tue, Feb 25th 2014 @ 1:20am

Julia "that's why I cut it to 5mgs " - Julia you talked to your doctor before? I think we should not change medications without talking to those responsible for its prescription.

Julia Tue, Feb 25th 2014 @ 7:32pm

Thank you for this advice Silvia.I did tell my Dr I sometimes took 5mgs. She seemed ok with this. Thanks again

Julia Tue, Feb 25th 2014 @ 7:40pm

Hello Frankie
I don't think I have read that book Women who think too much. I thought at first I had but then realised I read a book called Women who love too much! I think I think too much nowadays, I know I will buy this one.Thank you.I have unrealistic expectations too of thinking I will feel better all the time, for ever so to speak. I often think this , that I'm not realistic and that I must accept my situation. But I will read the book. If it's helped you, it will help me. It's difficult to reconcile having one member of the family who doesn't for whatever reason fit in. One can feel such guilt and feel that it could be our fault. I do hope your sister is not back with her abusive husband. I have to finish this now but will write more. xx

Julia Wed, Feb 26th 2014 @ 6:32pm

I think I know what you mean Sylvia. That elation means we do too much on that day and over stimulate our minds and bodies so that the next day we feel bad because our minds are still stimulated and too active for our bodies to rest properly that night.Interesting observation Sylvia!

Julia Thu, Feb 27th 2014 @ 3:17pm

Hi Frankie
Do you think we should discuss our issues in emails rather than here? Julia xx

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