Blog through the fog.

Saturday December 23, 2017

The fog being my brain.

Why do we develop these mental states that haunt us and tie us down?

I observed that my nerve left me some time in my early 50's. After a very active career, filled with travel, new people, hard work and daily changes of routine, I had become reluctant to even drive to the garden centre! Driving now being the cause of several heart pounding moments on the M25, among others. The fear of the open road, of all the obstacles, dangers and aggressions of some fellow drivers. It is enough to make me a recluse, except that our lives have to move on.

So have I now become trapped in my fearful mind. Imagining the worst outcome of every journey and searching for non-motorway routes for every trip? People say to me that they too dislike driving, but they will still take on a drive to Manchester or Marseilles, disliking but doing.

I however would do anything to get out of such mileage, for fear of the loss of control or collapse at the wheel. Life limiting.

So why do we change? Life experience should make us stronger not weaker? Fear creeps up on us and slaps us on the back. Pinning you down and slowing your step. It infects your world, grabbing at your insecurities, expanding your imagination of the imminent disasters you could befall. Pull yourself together. Get a grip. It's all in your mind. It's not real.

Oh but it is. To me.

A Moodscope member.

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