Are You Getting the Love You Need?

Wednesday June 12, 2019

They say that it's love which makes the world go round.

I'm not sure of that – I think it's probably physics, but there you go: some people will say anything, especially if they think it sounds good.

It's true however that we function best when we love and are loved.

Even if we are in a romantic relationship, have families and friends who love us, we still need more. We need to love ourselves, and to show that love to ourselves.

There have been blogs before on the five languages of love: words, touch, gifts, deeds, time; so, I shall just jump straight in. We all tend to need one or two of these more than the others, so work out from this what kind of love you need most.

Words: Can we say warm and encouraging things to ourselves? "You did a good job there: you should be proud," "You look great!", "You've got a real talent for that." It's not blowing our own trumpet; it's giving ourselves some positive feedback, even if no-one else does.

Touch: While nothing can replace tender, passionate sex with another warm human being, there are things (beyond the obvious) we can do to satisfy our need for touch. And, touch within love does not only mean sex. A pat on the back can transfer love too. If we have pets, we know how good it feels to stroke them. Indulging our sensual side with a walk in the open air, a hot bath, or fleecy blanket to snuggle in can work too. For some people, working at something with their hands gives a sensual satisfaction. Wood, clay, fabric, wool are all particularly tactile mediums.

Gifts: giving ourselves something is often just as nice as receiving a gift from someone else. At least we know it's something we want! It doesn't need to be expensive: my favourite gift to myself is nice stationary, or a book I've been wanting to read. I often buy myself flowers. I love to see them every day in my office. We should be able to do this without feeling guilty.

Deeds: When was the last time we did something nice for ourselves? Something that gives us pleasure? Something which gives me great satisfaction is a squeaky-clean bathroom. So – occasionally – I give it a really good deep-down scrub. The pleasure is not in the job itself, although cleaning can be quite therapeutic, but in the sparkling bathroom afterwards.

Time: This is the big one for me. The best gift to myself is time to myself – to spend however I choose – away from the demands of work, my husband, my children and even my friends. I wrote about one such day in "Going Down to the Sea (Again) on 1st May this year. I cannot recommend it enough.

So, don't wait to be given love by others; it's time to give yourself some love today.

How will you show yourself some love?

A Moodscope member.

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