24

January

Anyone for tennis? 

Sunday January 24, 2021


I’ve become Wimbledon ready! Surprised myself, no, shocked myself! Feeling proud, ten out of ten. 
 
I was over 40 before I started growing up. Began to peel away the layers of guilt, shame and negativity. I guess that is proof it can be done no matter what age or stage. 
 
Despite walking very closely with one of my brothers for more than a year, holding him up and helping hold up and push on his business, my mother found a way to cast deep scorn on me today. I had the audacity to walk through the cold, deliver her fresh milk to her doorstep along with a birthday present for my brother. I’d already spoken with him, he was due to visit her, and so it seemed a good place to leave his present. Especially as for the last ten months we’ve all stayed physically apart to help keep each other safe. And especially as he has no way to get to my house, legally I’m not permitted to enter his and every single hospitality venue is locked down. She frowned, looked up at me with a puckered face and asked if I would not be seeing him today. He didn’t even get his name, I’m guessing that was so she might sound even more authoritarian.   
 
I don’t take bullying anymore. So I hit that ball back over the net with the arm of Serena Williams, smiled calmly and said this was probably the best legal way I could get it to him. It’s a bit of a sadness not to have the mother relationship I would have loved but it’s been a huge benefit in teaching me how I parent. 
 
Ah I’m just letting off steam. I have no physical tennis capability whatsoever. But I’m pretty proud of no longer absorbing negativity and of how my mental tennis is shaping up. Anyone joining me? 
 
Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

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