Anniversaries; celebrate or commiserate

11 Dec 2020
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Anniversaries can remind us of happy times like birthdays, weddings, milestones like graduation, years in business, the age of an organisation, a country, a building etc.

Anniversaries can remind us of sad times, tragedies, disasters, deaths, wars, divorce, loss, and many other things.

I suppose with a happy anniversary it is easy to remember all the good times and to be happy and share the day with others.

With sad anniversaries do we remember only the sad times, or do we also reflect on the good times we had before the sad times. I know with some instances all the memories will be sad so even the thought of acknowledging an anniversary is too much.

There are people who remember every birthday and every anniversary of the death of a loved one, whereas other people choose to only remember their loved one’s life and celebrate that.

 

As I write this blog today is the 15th year since I opened my shop. I do feel sad that it is no longer, but I also am trying to feel grateful for all the years I had, all the pleasure my shop gave me and others and to remember the wonderful times. So today I will look at photos of my wonderful cluttered and quirky shop and smile because I was lucky to have it.

 

Of course, being positive about the anniversary of the passing of a loved one would be so difficult and different. Every anniversary is different and we all cope with sad and happy anniversaries in our own way.

 

I wonder if you could share with me how you share sad anniversaries and anniversaries that are happy and sad?

Do you think that happy anniversaries get more attention than sad ones?

Leah

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

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Comments

Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 1:47 a.m.

Another great blog Leah. I know your anniversary is coming up, losing your home and shop, but I really like the way you are seeing it as 15 years of pleasure. Everything ends I guess, at some point. I look back to relationships and friendships and wonder if they just took their course. Death is different. My husbands mum and dad were born on the same day. The anniversary was on the 5th, just a few days ago. It affected him a lot. Our wedding anniversary is a nice one to remember as it went so swimmingly well. I’m the sort that will find fault in everything and then it will play on my mind over and over. I did find one fault. I hadn’t adjusted my bra properly so one **** was lower than the other. Small price to pay. I’m yet to lose my parents so I have not experienced how anniversaries will affect me in that respect. I wonder if the build up to an anniversary of any kind, makes it kind of worse, knowing that date is coming. I’m like that with many things. I have to switch off before the day arrives. Not really with anniversaries as such but Christmas can go do one! And my wedding, I just didn’t tell anyone! Registry office was booked for 9.30 and we were home by 10. Sorry I’ve gone off the subject. Anniversaries, I certainly think a celebration is better than a commiseration. If we are able to think that way. Not easy. I hope for you Leah, that once the first anniversary is over, you will be able to reclaim your life somehow. Time does heal, even though it sounds like a cliche. Love to you, Molly xx

Reply

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 9:01 a.m.

Molly I like your comments as you take the time to think about the question andI reflect on how you relate to the answer. I agree that the build up to an anniversary can make it seem worse as you think about it ages before and be reminded by others or in the media. By the time the day comes it can be overwhelming.

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 9:02 a.m.

Molly thanks for your kind words and your supportxx

Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 3:55 p.m.

They might ask to interview you again Leah. I can understand that it being in the media makes it much worse. Hard to escape from. And of course the significance of the date, New Years Eve, an emotional day as it is. It’s good you have chosen to turn TV off etc xx

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 7:57 p.m.

It’s more all the photographs and videos that are triggers rather than interviews but I doubt that I would be asked as I have moved away. Thanks fir thinking of me.n

Molly

Dec. 12, 2020, 12:48 a.m.

I know, I said that about the interviews on a different level, not to do with the blog xx

Leah

Dec. 12, 2020, 9:44 a.m.

Ok that makes sense.xx

Paul

Dec. 11, 2020, 6:04 a.m.

Hi Leah Another subject close to my heart birthdays and anniversaries are great when your young, I personally don’t like the fuss these days having too many birthdays makes you Age. On the 16th of this month it will be 50 years since I lost my dad. He was only 40, I was 14 at the time. This had a massive impact on me as a teenager a very sad Christmas and reminded and every anniversary for many years were sad. I’m not keen on Christmas and I’m sure it’s because of those memories. 50 years has dulled the sadness I think it was made worse as I’m 1970 no one talked about it even at school we had to pretend it had never happened. I have a good friend that celebrates the anniversary of the day he met his wife rather than the wedding day. We do celebrate our wedding anniversary 43 years and counting. I remember it like it was yesterday. Wasn’t yesterday an awful day lol Thanks for today’s blog Leah always good blogs from yourself. Take care Paul

Reply

Marigold

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:43 a.m.

Gosh Paul, you are not keen on Christmas....whatever is wrong with you!!! ( tongue firmly in cheek here) Too much mither all round.

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 9:04 a.m.

Paul that would make Christmas sad for you. Wedding anniversaries are funny because in my day men got in trouble for forgetting the day but why could nit the woman remember the date,

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 9:06 a.m.

Marigold, I am trying to work out what mother is without googling,!!

Catherine

Dec. 11, 2020, 9:20 a.m.

A northern English word meaning to bother or fuss. When I lived in the south of England and said ‘Don’t mither me' if the children in my class were going on and on about wanting to do something, or nagging me, they hadn’t a clue what I meant! Same with 'get your pumps on' for PE. I had to remember to say plimsolls! For such a small country we have a lot of regional words in England, and that’s leaving out Scotland, Wales and Ireland, who have many more. Thanks for the blog Leah, I’m pondering it x

Marigold

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:20 a.m.

How about words for bread rolls,Leah there is no dictionary on earth that will help you!

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:58 a.m.

Thanks floppy ears found mother. I don think it has made it to Australia.

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:59 a.m.

Marigold, I only no one word bread rolls or maybe buns or do you mean fancy names. ...?

Bearofliddlebrain

Dec. 11, 2020, 1:45 p.m.

Baps! Buns, rolls, Leah, up north on one side of the country there are barms or barm cakes....it goes on! Paul, I remember using pumps not plimsolls! Leah, to mither was to bother someone or fuss so you’d say ‘stop mithering me! Or my mum would say ‘you’re mithering me to death!’ We did have some of those sayings in north Wales. There were even differences in the Welsh language between north and south Wales for various words....quite funny, especially when learning the language and the text books were printed in the south Walian Welsh and our teachers would change the words...!

Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 3:59 p.m.

I have never heard of Mither either.

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:02 p.m.

Bear I might say mothering here and see if it catches on. Except I am the one who mithers!, Never heard of barns etc. Here we tend to just add ie or y to words to make new ones, brekkie, cosine, footy, etc. Thanks for the information.

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:03 p.m.

Molly my auto text wants to change mither to mother! It is funny how words vary from regions and even families.

Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:48 p.m.

Yes I did notice Leah, but I realised you would know what a mother was !!

Leah

Dec. 12, 2020, 12:01 a.m.

Molly when I wrote my 2nd last post I didn’t realise I had already written mother. I am queen of accidental typos. .

Molly

Dec. 12, 2020, 12:45 a.m.

I know! But we all do it, ****** predictive text xx

Leah

Dec. 12, 2020, 9:55 a.m.

I just do it so much I am sure it is gremlins.

greenjean

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:07 a.m.

Hello Leah, an interesting & thought provoking blog - have been thinking about dates and anniversaries since I read it. For me I remember the date of the birthday easier than the date a loved one died, although I usually have.their date of death written down. I like to remember my Dad and Mum on their birthdays I never have trouble remembering those dates. They are happy memories and remind me of the great parents they were and the things I learned from them. However I did just have a little chuckle as I remembered my Dad’s funeral day. After the service the wake was at the family home in my Dads amazingly colourful and well kept garden on a very hot August day. Whilst the adults were having tea and sandwiches indoors, the children were having a water fight in the garden! We didn’t stop them, my Dad would have loved that so it didn’t seem the least bit disrespectful. I do hope things will only improve for you Leah and that 2021 will be a very positive one. Take care x

Reply

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 9:10 a.m.

Green Jean, I think remembering birthdays of deceased people is a good idea.I do that. Ire breed the day my shop opened and am not sure what do about the day it ended.

Oli

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:20 a.m.

I remember working with someone who's life was dominated by anniversaries. It was quite extreme, and for me it was another example of how we create our realities. In his world almost every day was related to every other day. In his world the connections were visible, strong, clear, and real; for me, I could see the rules which bound him were completely arbitrary. So you think to yourself, "what else do we do this with?" And then you think, "what's going on here?" As in, what are we actually doing when we link one thing to another, and what makes some of these links strong, and others flimsy? Bit of a light bulb moment, for me at any rate! Leah, I don't have a head for anniversary detail, my brain doesn't attach any importance to the links of dates so I forget them. I can remember a few: the date of the first gig I went to; the date I stopped smoking; the birthdays of some people. I can't remember many dates people died (e.g. I can remember my dad's but not my mum's). I think it's worth spotting when we get mentally entangled in arbitrary links. I look out for it in others (easier to spot) and myself (harder to spot). "But they don't *feel* arbitrary!" Yet they are.

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 9:22 a.m.

Oli, once again a comment I will need to think about. I can see a world where that is controlled by anniversaries would be complicated. Entangled in arbitrary links, puzzles me as all links to anniversary are founded in dates in my world

Oli

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:47 a.m.

Exactly Leah! Here's an example using me so you can see what I mean: 26 Nov 1991. That date probably has no significance for you. But that date is significant for me. Is the significance real or arbitrary? It's arbitrary -- the value of the date has nothing to do with (well, I guess where the planet was in relation to the sun -- which is all a date *really* is) but in the way I've related myself to that date. For you, the date is meaningless; for me, it's full of significance. And that's another way to see the arbitrary nature of this thing. What's impressive is the way our lives are governed by these largely invisible arbitrary relationships. The fella I mentioned at the start was trapped in the way dates had assumed significance in his head. He was extreme but we all do it, and not just with dates.

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:53 a.m.

Oli, I can see what you mean but to me dates are important to the individual.because of what they’re represent so how is that arbitrary. ?

Oli

Dec. 11, 2020, 3:21 p.m.

Here's a thought experiment: If you were stranded on a desert island without a clue how the Gregorian calendar is calculated, would *the actual dates* still be important? On this island there are no dates now. It's just you and a few palm trees. You'd eventually become good at spotting the passage of time and you'd notice the cycles of sun, moon, and stars in the night sky. Seasons cycle too. Remembering is still important, so how would you decide to remember important anniversaries? Arbitrarily. You just decide. It's your island, your calendar, you're in charge. And back in the civilized world it's not actually any different. E.g. "25 December" was an arbitrary choice. I keep coming back to the bloke who was convinced his important dates were important. He was focusing on the detail of calendar -- and more complicated because he would link dates together in (arbitrary) ways. The real point, for me at any rate (!), is that our reality can be shaped by stuff that seems grounded in the real world but isn't.

Oli

Dec. 11, 2020, 3:25 p.m.

BTW, Leah, I love the blog. I don't know if I said that. I enjoy thinking like this and it forces me to clarify my own thoughts. x

Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 4:26 p.m.

Hi Oli I can’t say I really get what you say about the chap you worked with. But husband often used to say “where were we this day last year?” Or “what were we doing this time last week?”. Used to drive me mad! Lol xx

Oli

Dec. 11, 2020, 4:53 p.m.

Ah no worries -- it's actually valuable feedback Molly because I want to work out a way of either putting some of this stuff into a book, or videos, or both. These notions all come from research I'm interested in and I want to be able to explain it in plain English -- and it may be that I simply don't understand it enough myself or it may be that I do but I need to explain it differently. Like I say, you've both given valuable feedback because I can see I've not cracked it with this one! x PS I just had a look back, a "this day in history" using my journals. Only able to access the last four years without hassle but it's interesting to see what's changed and what has stayed the same.

Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 5:57 p.m.

Oli, I would be interested to know more about the behaviour of the chap you refer to, it has intrigued me xx

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:08 p.m.

Oli thanks fir your patience with me. On a theoretical level I see what you are saying but my practical side says yes but I don’t live on an island,!, I like your comments as you make me think outside the square more than I tend to. .

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:10 p.m.

Oli Thanks. Your comments do challenge and I find them intriguing. I think in past few years I have become lazy in reading about new ideas so I like the challenge.

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:12 p.m.

Molly, I say that to my partner do you know what we were doing on this day in a particular year and he has trouble remembering last week!!

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:18 p.m.

Oli I think you have explained it well withe island analogy. I like the idea of a book or video, you can gave a YouTube show. The thing is I like to have to think about things so I would not worry about making it go simple. Your comments present a different approach and people would buy the book or watch a video because of that. Yiu have a unique selling point because if the way you approach topics and you do not patronise. Are you thinking if a self help book or more a general book about therapy or ?.

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:19 p.m.

Molly Yes the behaviour of the man Oli mentioned is interesting. I wonder if I am like that in some ways and if it affects my life,

Oli

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:48 p.m.

Hi Leah, the book/ video will be general public readability. I see it as a way of explaining what is meant when we say we understanding something (which isn't as obvious as you might think) and how this might help behavioural change. And some people might just be curious about how this little bit of mind works, and others might want to use the ideas to experiment with changing aspects of what they do. Molly, the man was a really interesting fella. The importance of dates for him was definitely making his life unworkable -- e.g. there was so much he felt he couldn't do because of how a date would connect with overwhelming feelings. As it happens that was not the main reason I was seeing him but we dealt with it too. x

Leah

Dec. 12, 2020, 12:14 a.m.

Oli, I. I can so relate to that man. I sometimes feel people are more understanding if there is a reason for soneones crying or low mood. I admit this year I have used the excuse of the fires even if it was not the direct cause of my sadness and tears. Do you want that in your book.?,! I can see there being a series of books.

Jul

Dec. 11, 2020, 9:12 a.m.

Hi Leah. Sad times for you. I think when you experience such a huge tragedy/ shock as you have, anniversaries are important. Do you think the anniversary of when your shop opened is an important part of grieving and or coming to terms with what happened? Personally I don't take note of dates and therefore anniversaries. Honestly I know the date when we got married (3rd of September which as my OH reminds me from time to time is when war broke out!) but not the year and haven't a clue how many years we have been married. I don't remember the year my parents died or the date. I loved them and still do. I seem to have a mental block about anniversaries. I've always been like this. I know I wasn't keen on the idea of marriage and wanted to remain living with my now husband. I was persuaded to get married by his family basically. My parents were very liberal, bohemian types, anything went! I don't regret being married..it helps with bureaucracy but I have no desire to celebrate marriage (although being together and raising family has worked for us) I can't stand all these VE, VJ etc etc anniversaries to celebrate 50 or whatever number of years since some event in both world wars happened. They are never ending. So now you've made me think of it Leah, I have never found anniversaries exciting or enjoyable; even if I knew when they were I wouldn't. But for you, losing your shop, your livelihood and your house, all anniversaries related to this will be an important and therapeutic part of your life I would think. Thinking of you Leah. Jul xx

Reply

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 9:27 a.m.

Jul Thanks. I have always remembered others birthdays and dates. I can see fir you the importance of a person or event is not shown through you remembering. As I said before I want to try to forget the day but the media is building up and being NYE it is hard to forget. I thought celebrating the day I opened would be a diversion. I will turn off social media and tv etc on NYE as I don’t wish to look at disaster pictures on that day

Marigold

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:31 p.m.

Jul, this VE type things are strange. We are all supposed to feel something but we can't just turn it on can we?

Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:45 p.m.

Marigold and Jul, I’m glad you said this. We are all supposed to forget the past and then the media want to blast us with it all of the time. Perhaps I’m wrong but I feel they go over the top xx

Leah

Dec. 12, 2020, 9:46 a.m.

I agree.

Sue

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:26 a.m.

Dear Leah, I don't blame you for not wanting to watch again on NYE. I cant imagine how you could ever forget what happened or how you deal with it. Wen I was young I remembered the date my various pets died - not a clue now. Now it is January I dislike - my mother, Father and my mum's best neighbour all died in early January so it is a time of memories of deaths and funerals. On the other hand, my husband and I always try to go away for our wedding anniversary (but not this year) and I hold a small party for mine every few years. I love good anniversaries.

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:40 a.m.

Sue Thanks for your reply. I find it sad that January is a month you dislike. Is it all of January you find hard or the actual dates that people died.. Yes good anniversaries can be happy times.

Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 4:35 p.m.

Hi Sue My husband’s birthday and mine are three weeks apart (although he’s 10 years older than me) so we would always have a weekend away somewhere between the two,birthdays. We would save pound coins in a little money box and that was our spending money. Quite funny counting out the coins at the bar when paying for drinks lol. M xx

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:22 p.m.

Molly My ex husbands and my birthdays were one day apart and many years apart. Never celebrated them together!,

Molly

Dec. 12, 2020, 2:49 a.m.

Oh, well I guess you both had your own birthdays to celebrate xx

Sue

Dec. 12, 2020, 10:14 a.m.

2nd, 7th and 10th, Dad was in hospital over Christmas and now they are all gone I am pleased to reach the end of January and know spring and new life are on the way as well.

Vivien

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:42 a.m.

Hi Leah, I'm an anniversaries person. Aside from the obvious ones, birthdays, wedding, & deaths, I remember the date I moved into my present home with my Mum. I also remember the date of my Breast Cancer op (although 20 years ago, I see it every day in the shower!) - I find that remembering these anniversaries, whether good or bad, helps me to cope with or understand my feelings. The good anniversaries make me smile and the bad one's, reflective. Sometimes the anniversaries, good or bad, which get into the press or tv can sometimes make me feel awkward or bad but they are part and parcel of life. We all react in different ways to many situations, but we are only human. Take care all xx

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:56 a.m.

Vivian, I agree that fir some anniversaries are important. I know when your experience was part of a national event media will be interested but I can choose to turn off. Thanks for comment

The Gardener

Dec. 11, 2020, 11:06 a.m.

Leah, I wrote a blog on 'Milestone' birthdays a couple of years ago. You posted that you were indifferent, I think. I said that ones family liked to celebrate, gets them together, and they see it as a 'Thank You'. Mr G pretended to be indifferent to anniversaries and Christmas, but he was lying in his teeth. His 60th, 70th, 80th birthdays great - Amsterdam, France, UK. Our 40th, 50th, 60th wedding anniversaries ditto, (all UK) Pictures of all those have warmed many a dreary day. Must admit some Christmases best forgotten. Take care down there. xx

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Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 4:46 p.m.

Some good memories there Gardener. I must admit there are some christmases I would rather forget as well. My first blog was about a disastrous Christmas! M xx

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:25 p.m.

TG you have an amazing memory if blogs and comments and your life in general. I can’t remember what I said on my blog last week,,!! I have enjoyed your descriptions of your parties over the years.

Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:26 p.m.

Molly I recall your first blog. I think disastrous parties and Christmases make better stories than happy ones.

Molly

Dec. 11, 2020, 11:02 p.m.

That’s odd isn’t it Leah, but we all seem to like a bad story! Perhaps it makes us feel better somehow. Gosh what an admission xx

Leah

Dec. 12, 2020, 9:59 a.m.

Well when they started a news program in good news it failed. We complain about bad news but it seems most people seem to like it and be fascinated by it.

Little Drop

Dec. 11, 2020, 12:13 p.m.

A very thought provoking blog. Personally I prefer to celebrate happy anniversaries and forget sad ones. For instance, I know the date my Father died but I refuse to acknowledge it. Instead I always raise a glass to him on his Birthday, which happens to be Battle of Britain day. However, I do think that some sad anniversaries are worth remembering eg Grenfell, as long as some good comes from it.

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:28 p.m.

Little drop, I agree thst remembering the happy anniversaries like birthdays and the day I started my shop. I think remembering tragic events so we learn from them is important to.

Christine

Dec. 11, 2020, 12:46 p.m.

I think that this is a very thought provoking blog Leah, thanks for that, My mum died in April this year and so I will remember that date next year and her birthday too, I am very focused on dates, I suppose, of birthdays, anniversaries, anything that specifically happened on a specific date/day, if you see what I mean! I try to remember people's birthdays and of course other days which can be happy or sad for me. I suppose that is natural. Thanks for inspiring me enough to reply, this time! take care everyone all the best Christine

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:32 p.m.

Christine Thanks fir your comment. I think some of us recall dates that have meaning. Especially the first anniversary of a death is sad. I used to be known in my family as the birthday reminder as I knew everyone’s birthday but as my memory weakens I now am not as reliable.

Molly

Dec. 12, 2020, 5:02 a.m.

I remember the dates of all my families birthdays and anniversaries and that of special friends, off the top of my head. I still need to refer to my diary though, where they are all written down, simply because right now, I don’t know what day or month it is!!

Patricia E

Dec. 11, 2020, 1:05 p.m.

At the beginning of each year I go through the previous year's calendar and mark up my new one with people's birthdays and wedding anniversary's etc. I also note the date of death of people so that I am aware of this and can be on hand for their surviving people. I don't get in touch to draw attention to the anniversary of loss, but I just make sure that I'm in contact around that time. The birthdays and dates of death of my own very important people always leave me reflective, sometimes sad, but more often deeply grateful to them and astonished that so much time has passed since they died. It would be Mum's 100th birthday on 20th December - I cannot imagine her being 100 years old; I don't think living that long would have made her happy as her health was failing significantly before her sudden death 20 years ago. I still miss her greatly, think of her very often, talk to her very often too, asking advice on how to do things. She is still a constant presence in my life - as is to be expected; after all 50% of me came from her!!

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:35 p.m.

Patricia I can relate to your post and the significance of dates. Both my parents would have been 100 this year and it was interesting to reflect on what had happened in the family and world since their deaths, My brothers think I am funny to recall birthdays and know my grand father would be 133 if still alive,,!!

Molly

Dec. 12, 2020, 5:15 a.m.

Patricia, I love transferring from one diary to another. I just like pen and paper I guess. I know you said you use a calendar but same sort of thing! All the important dates go in there. And appointments etc, I don’t write a journal as such anymore but anything I think might be relevant for now or in the future.

Bearofliddlebrain

Dec. 11, 2020, 2:08 p.m.

Hi Leah...what a great idea for a blog - and so timely for me as we move up to lots of December birthdays in my family (my sister’s, mine, an aunt’s, a second cousin, Mum’s would have been Christmas Day, a niece on Christmas Eve and joy of joy - a new baby due to arrive and then we go into January - would have been my gran’s birthday, Mr. Bear and Baby Bear’s birthdays, my father’s death - 25 years since he died and on it goes. I do have a good memory for many birthdays and anniversaries and like Patricia says, being aware of those who are left behind near an anniversary, snd reaching out to them even more than normal, might help. My best friend losing her young daughter - we won’t speak on that anniversary or what would be the daughter’s birthday, but flowers and a message are sent so she knows daughter and they are not forgotten. The anniversaries of a death mean I may light a candle or have some flowers in the house next to a photo of the one who has gone. Then I just try to remember all the things I loved about them, but I often think about those people anyway - because I love and miss them. We celebrate our wedding anniversaries between us, and unless it’s a big numbered one, we don’t do anything in particular. I think it’s nice to celebrate the achievement: still being together, still loving each other and of not having given up on each other and our foibles after so many years!!! Marking time like this helps us to overcome the loss of the person, the things we miss and the grief. We grieve for all the things we still expected to happen before the event happened. Thinking of you, Leah, With love and Bear hugs x x x

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:38 p.m.

Bear It is interesting how in families many birthdays and anniversaries fall on same month. Thanks for your comment.

Orangeblossom

Dec. 11, 2020, 2:41 p.m.

Hi Leah, I remember most anniversaries most of the time. Some anniversaries I share with others, like when we moved toLampeter from Birmingham in the West Midlands. Others I just record in my journal. I do think we prefer to share the good, happy memories.

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:39 p.m.

Thanks Orange blossom. Ithink we prefer happy anniversaries but sometimes there is sadness in happy one and happiness in sad ones.

Daisy

Dec. 11, 2020, 3:45 p.m.

hi Leah I remember one of your blogs, well i dont remember what was written but I remember the photo of your shop, it was beautiful. In my dreams I visited it, and explored it inside and out. I remember certain anniversaries, yesterday was 30 years since I started my current profession. I really cant believe it is so many years. In my mind I am still young and starting out, my voice sounds young, but my body is aging. I have a friend who when we chat you mention somebody. She always says "now how old are they now". I dont know why but I get irritated, so I say I cant remember. Afterwards, I wonder about it, and our 2 extremes, her wanting to anchor in an age, and me wanting not to be confined by age. Wishing you all the best, and hoping that it wont be too sad, remembering your home and bookstore. A lovely blog thank you.

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 8:41 p.m.

Daisy Thanks fir remembering the photo. A kind person painted a picture if my shop this year.

Sally

Dec. 11, 2020, 4:50 p.m.

Hi Leah. Good question. Was thinking of deaths/anniversaries only this week. As OH's Mum died 5 years ago on 7th. my OH observed the day. I forgot until 2 days later. He didn't ring his sister/ only relative. When I asked why not , he simply said: Well, it's been 5 years now!" I couldn't see the logic in this comment as with certain people it doesnt matter HOW many years, I never forget. Aug 2000. My mother. I always remember and think of her/ things she said/ how nice she was, in August. My daughter would have gone to her grandma's resting place this August to pay her respects but Covid restrictions did not allow as it's 270 miles away. I'm more pragmatic . As long as someone I cared about is remembered and spoken about, it's enough. Never mind the actual date. Because life goes on and you can't always be looking back. But Leah, December for you will always be associated with loss and trauma because you lost so very much. Whilst others have moved on from news about the fires of December 2019, you who were affected so personally by them have still some way to go before new roots are put down, new friends made, new occupations found, and coming to terms with the disappearance of a home , community and shop which meant the world to you. The process of acceptance is not a smooth one and some days will be better than others. Good luck with this first anniversary.

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Leah

Dec. 11, 2020, 11:59 p.m.

Sally Thanks for your post Andrew sharing your thoughts. I think we are all different and approach in our own ways. The thing is about anniversaries especially sad ones, we may think about them every day or live with painful reminder, so one day is just a Token.

Molly

Dec. 12, 2020, 5:29 a.m.

Great comment Sally, you are a wise bird xx Are you Andrew just on a Friday, or do you kind of drag it out over the weekend? So sorry Leah, I couldn’t resist xx

Leah

Dec. 12, 2020, 9:49 a.m.

Molly I deserve it. I should proofread better but it is the text gremlins.

Molly

Dec. 12, 2020, 7:09 p.m.

I always check before I send but it can be such a pain. As a typist, I’m used to touch typing at a speed, no chance on these devices! Xx

Jackie

Dec. 11, 2020, 10:56 p.m.

Hi Leah, I enjoy your blogs. Today 11th is such a sad day for me, it was always sad as i lost my cousin in a lorry accident some years back, he was 21 had just finished at uni and had a lot to look forward to, it was such a shock we were all devastated. He was an adopted Son and was my aunts friend and Son. 11th also was the date the court decided my little Granddaughter would be adopted to a family we dont know, i felt at the time why the 11th it sounds daft but its a day where i just retire to my bed to forget, maybe in time it will ease. Love to everyone who has sad anniversarys coming up xx

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Leah

Dec. 12, 2020, 12:42 a.m.

Jackie, I am sorry there is so much sadness on the same day for you. I am glad you posted .

Molly

Dec. 12, 2020, 12:59 a.m.

Oh Jackie, that sounds awful. As I write, the 11th is over. I hope you got through it and can find yourself recovering in the days ahead of such sad memories xx

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