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Acceptance. Sunday February 2, 2014

Acceptance. I've read a lot about it lately and it is perhaps one of the most important things I have overlooked so far in my life.

If you live with a mental illness you probably think somebody rattling on about acceptance doesn't know how bad you feel or how hard your daily battle can be. That's what I thought anyway. That's why I never paid it much attention. Until now.

What if you can accept every thing just as it is in this moment right now? What if you can accept your past and let it be? It's tough isnt it? So why bother? Why learn about acceptance or try to do it?

Acceptance, is not resignation, nor is it condoning something. It is about saying everything is as it is. It is about letting go and about less struggle. It's about freedom and change.

Acceptance might sound a bit like this:

What happened happened, I dont condone it but I am going to stop trying to avoid it or hope it never happened. I accept what happened and I accept where I am now.

That last sentence took a lot of effort, I wont lie to you. But letting go will allow me to change, will allow me to be happier so I am willing to see if acceptance will help.

Just so you know, it took a long time for me to even entertain the concept of acceptance, let alone practice it, but I thought, what if it truly might help me to move forwards with my life? Wouldn't it be worth exploring?

Acceptance is a concept practiced in Dialectal Behavioural Therapy (DBT) and in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). There are some really good books and websites out there that can give you more information about it.

Jules
A Moodscope user.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment on our Blogspot:

http://moodscope.blogspot.com/2014/02/acceptance.html


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Comments

Nicole Ichtertz Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 6:24am

Thank you for posting those two therapies! I've never heard of them, but will definitely look into them.

Anonymous Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 6:37am

I read all the posts with interest & often connect or learn from.them. I wanted to say big thank you for this one as it was exactly the right words I needed to read today!! deep breaths &moving forward ....

Anonymous Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 6:45am

Acceptance is something I really struggle with. I would be interested in reading more about it. You say there are some good books about DBT & ACT; which books do you recommend? Thanks!

Julia Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 8:39am

Do you think acceptance comes with being a bit older Jules? I am not suggesting you are for one minute. In fact your writing suggests you are not old at all! I am not sure if young people are able to accept a lot in life. That's how it should be with most things. Striving to challenge accepted mores etc etc. However I think you are on to something here Jules even for young people who have not experienced mental illness for that long. I agree wholeheartedly the we should accept ourselves far far more than we do right from an early age.

Cookie Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 9:03am

I love what you've wrote and I think that is exactly what I need to do. What can be any worse than the past? I will give this a real go. Thank you.

Jules Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 9:58am

Try this website

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk

And a great book is The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

Amazon Kindle has a good range of books om DBTthat you can sample before you buy.

Jules Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 10:15am

I don't know... perhaps it comes with age, or perhaps more with 'time'... I wonder if I had been taught more skills like this when I was younger, if I would have had less problems as a I got older. Who knows? I think a lot of DBT and ACT skills would be super mega helpful to teach children. I dont think a 1 in 4 statistic would exist if we tried to understand some of the causes and triggers of mental health problems and taught people at an early age, different, healthier ways to process emotions. Because the patterns we get into can eventually damage us more than the cause.
Modern psychology offers a lot of hope.
Im 35 by the way! And I wish I had stumbled on some of these therapies when I was younger but maybe the right time is now...

Jules Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 10:20am

Thanks for your comment, it really cheered me up
:)

aj Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 10:52am

I too have tried to do acceptance. And for brief moments its worked for me and its fantastic! My brain then goes back to its usual self deprecation and destruction mode! So I'll keep practising 'coz those brief moments are so releasing and I want more!

Anonymous Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 11:19am

Thanks Jules! And good luck with your own acceptance.

Kirsty Frame Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 12:00pm

I think it does come with age, as Julia said but, as you said yourself Jules, if you'd had these skill from an earlier age, you may not have felt the way you do later on in life.

I've just started a course in Mindfulness Meditation. I'm on day 3 and I have to say, with commitment and practice, it's made a huge difference already. On the days that it's harder, I just accept that it's a hard day and let it be. It's really quite liberating! You don't get it all the time but those moments of stillness, although sometimes only fleeting, give you a glimpse of how you could feel if you just kept at.

Hoping to pass these skills onto my 2 boys, to use as tools to deal with the naturally arising emotions in life!

Great post Jules. Really struck a chord with me and I'd be interesting in looking into those therapies to complement the journey I'm already taking.

Kirst

Diana Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 2:05pm

Acceptance could sound like " Laisse faire " ( which is French for' leave well alone' )
I don't know where I first heard this saying, but it does obviously have some negative connotations, and was used to describe an attitude of neglectfulness.
I realise that Jules isn't referring to 'acceptance' in this way - just thought I'd be a bit 'picky '..sorry Jules !

Jules Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 2:31pm

I wish you all the best, it sounds like you are doing really helpful and challenging things but that they are paying off. Keep going! :)

Jules Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 2:39pm

Diana, that's part of why we avoid it as a concept I think, because at first it seems defeatist. Im learning to challenge my understanding of these big words like acceptance and forgiveness and it is by no means easy but nothing worth doing is ever easy as they say! :)

Anonymous Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 3:41pm

I so totally understand. It is being mindful...kind of holding a picture of your past, looking at it, accepting it is part of you and accepting who you are..I so stuggle in accepting who I am because my past has flawed me and then I attack myself the worse way possible..mentally. I so really need to accept me which does include what happened me in the past so I can move on

Anonymous Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 5:46pm

Thank you for this.

Anonymous Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 7:19pm

accepting what we cannot change, changing what we are able to change and having wisdom to tell the difference...this is when you can feel the true benefit and relax in whatever situation ..good or bad..thank you Jules for sharing

Anonymous Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 8:25pm

Thank you so much for today's Moodscope post. It cracked me open in just te way I needed. I am so grateful

Nick James Mon, Feb 3rd 2014 @ 4:30am

Like you it has taken me many years to come to accept my past and present. My way has been through Mindful Meditation. I would recommend it to anyone wanting help in breaking that downward spiral of depressed thinking that many of us are familiar with.

julia Fri, Feb 7th 2014 @ 8:48am

You are absolutely right jules.x

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