The Moodscope Blog

21

January

Just do it

Thursday January 21, 2021

After reading Manuel’s blog (Saturday 5th December 2020) I felt I had to write this.

Totally agree that therapy needs to be tried. It can and will change your life if you allow it and find a therapist you really trust.

So as a therapist what do we say, “You will be happy after 6 sessions, 12 sessions, 100 sessions or we will give you a refund??”

We live in a world of quick fixes and want it now but for a lot of us our pain and suffering has been gradual and we have incorporated beliefs and values into our constructed world.

There is NO short cut. You need to acknowledge and feel those embarrassing, shameful, guilt inducing sometimes so traumatic feelings the words won’t come out for months or years. But why on earth would you do that. Because it heals. I could give you hundreds of mantras here but I won’t as I am sure you know what I’m talking about. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that! It is hard work and exhausting and sometimes terrifying. Not selling it very well am I?

Why do people say that therapy doesn’t work? I could go to my friend if I wanted to talk about my problems. Difference is we don’t ( and I am speaking for myself and not the whole industry here as I am well aware there are good and not so helpful therapists out there) tell you what to do and tell you our problems too. We acknowledge what it means to you. Just by having our feelings acknowledged is sometimes enough to shift the pain.

I do get frustrated. Yes, I am well aware frustration is anger but frustration sounds softer and I don’t want you to think I’m not a nice person by getting angry. (I am not talking here about venomous anger that people spew out on social media as this is another blog all together). Childhood messages stick with us and this is what causes our ongoing suffering. This is where we go wrong in life. Don’t be sad, don’t cry, don’t get angry. Yes please do. If not, where do those feelings go? Stuffed down in layers of shame, guilt, fear and so many more until it becomes unbearable and will show itself in anxiety, depression and physical illnesses. As (thankfully) this is not an academic piece of writing I don’t need to back this blog up with research but it is out there along with the numerous books to read on the subject.

And don’t let cost be an excuse as it can be for a lot of people. We can all say we don’t have the money and trust me I am with you. It is about our priorities and there are many wonderful charities around and therapists that offer low cost sessions.

I am aware that many of you will have your personal experiences both good and bad of therapy.

Wondering what your experiences are and what you have learnt from them?

Lara
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


20

January

Consistently Inconsistent

Wednesday January 20, 2021


Ninety percent of success is just consistently showing up.

I don’t know who said that, but it is a phrase my husband often uses, and it always makes me wince.

People need to know they can rely on you; and one problem bipolar disorder presents an inability to give that consistency.

We may show consistency some of the time – even for months at a time – but sooner or later the mania sets in, followed by the depression.

Mania and depression affect people differently. In mania, some do not sleep for days; become reckless with their spending habits; take risks they would normally avoid. My mania presents as boundless enthusiasm, a tendency to overcommit, and an irritating habit of talking non-stop. Before medication it was nasty and made life very difficult for my friends and family (see Bipolar Exploding Hedgehog: 26th October 2016). it is now, fortunately, much less severe.

The depression, in my experience of talking to others, presents more similarly; we retreat and withdraw from the world. Often, we cannot even get out of bed. If we manage to get up and get dressed, we cannot “People”. For all intents and purposes, we disappear.

This causes havoc in our personal and work lives: of course it does! We cannot be consistent.

I honestly think the only thing I have ever done reliably is write this blog every Wednesday; and I have no idea at all about how that has happened.

This inconsistency costs. It costs jobs, relationships and financial security; these costs in turn, contribute to the more well-known accompaniments to bipolar disorder, such as excess drinking, drug-taking, self-harming and suicide.

It’s hard to accept. This is not the way we want to be. “I just get so angry!” said a fellow sufferer the other day.

The other side of anger is grief; There is sorrow that this illness prevents from being who we want to be and doing what we love to do.

It’s taken a long time for me to accept my inconsistency, especially in the last couple of years since the medication. I hoped the tablets would be a silver bullet and that I would be entirely well but that has not happened.

Nope – I still have bipolar disorder and I still have the symptoms. They are milder than before: they are no longer life-threatening; no longer threaten my health, family, and friendships but they still present and I still cannot promise consistency.

The answer is to manage expectations, I suppose. My directors and fellow colleagues in the company know about it; my family and friends know about it. While I do not always name the condition, I let my clients know I am subject to periods of “Ill health.”

It’s not what any of us want but it’s what we have.

If we accept it, we can work with it instead of fighting a battle we can never win.

A harsh truth, perhaps, but maybe a useful one.

Mary
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


19

January

I keep dodging the bullets

Tuesday January 19, 2021


I love watching action movies a lot. When bullets are fired and the actors just find a way to dodge them. Well, sometimes they get hit!

When I first figured out my mood problems was after my marriage had ended. I discovered that over the years I had been allowing certain negative thoughts to fill my head. Thoughts of fear, anger, sending out bad thoughts of bad things happening to me and others. I kept building up castles of negativity in my head. 

I had few good thoughts. The thing is I just allowed the negative thoughts have  free access to me.

Now, I know how to deal with them. When I feel thoughts coming up and quickly identify them as negative, I physically dodge them... I shake my head and frown at it like it's a person and say "No, that's wrong", or I just move aside as if making passage for someone coming towards me. Another thing I do is to physically act like I am dodging a bullet like in the movies or blocking a move from an opponent in martial arts training.

Physically this helps me because I immediately put the thoughts behind me and move on. 

Trust me this wasn't easy and still is not. I still have my days when I have to deal with a tsunami of negative thoughts.

Hope this is helpful.

Thanks.

Odafe
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


18

January

Making myself stronger

Monday January 18, 2021


[To view a video version of this blog post please click here: https://youtu.be/irGeXJYEWDA]

I wanted to talk today about the giant gulf between “should” and “could”.

One is mostly disempowering; one is sometimes empowering.

Friedrich Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

I disagree.

I believe that each problem (“That which does not kills us...”) faced up to and challenged, “…makes us stronger.”

Let me repeat a personal story that some of you have heard.

I was bullied as a child, as many of you know. On my way back from my Secondary School, every single day, a group of boys, older and further up in the school, had money enough to own bicycles – giving them a sense of freedom. They used to cycle like wild Indians around me, spitting on me, and kicking me in the happy sacks.

You can imagine how much I looked forward to the journey home from school each day.

What “should” have happened (in the Perfect World) was that, as if by magic, Mr Miyagi “should” have jumped down beside me to teach me Karate. After training, I would have been ready to dispatch them all, teaching a life lesson!

I did have a rescuer, a heroine, my Mother. I finally confessed my terror to her, and she took action. A very glamorous woman, she donned a headscarf and dark glasses, like a Movie Star, and walking our golden Labrador, Kerry, she watched from afar.

When the felons struck, she moved like lightning, and struck them down… at least with her tongue. Their parents got some “feedback” too.

The problem was removed… except it wasn’t. It was a pivotal moment in my life because I learned to stay a coward rather than be courageous. Both cowardice and courage can flow from an identical place of feeling terrified, but the outcomes are drastically different.

The Karate Kid learned to stand up for himself – and others.

Until we learn to stand up to the bullies, we will always remain subject to fear.

We will not become stronger.

I believe that not standing up to the bullies led to a massively critical, bitter spirit, and a view that the world ‘should’ be different. I still look at behaviours and situations in the world that I do not think ‘should’ be that way and judge those involved.

There’s an alternative I’m exploring: “could.” Now, I’m beginning to acknowledge that things “should” not be a certain way, but I ask myself, “What could I do about this?” If the answer is, “Nothing,” I seek to give it no more attention. If there is something I “could” do, I seek to do it. This is standing up to the problem, it’s empowering, and it makes me stronger (even when I don’t succeed!) It’s the act of facing the fear and having a go anyway. It is courage.

From “should” to “could” makes a world of difference. There is a gulf between “should” and “could” and a courageous decision to take action is the bridge.

Lex
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


17

January

My handsome companion 

Sunday January 17, 2021

Here I sit, at the kitchen table, looking out to my best friend Half a Tree. I’ve written about him a number of times over the years I’ve been on Moodscope. In short, he and me have been pals for about 12 years. We step the days together and he’s fought hard to survive all that he has been through. He is all I need in a pal, he’s there. He’s there when I wash dishes, there when I chop, there when I write. He’s there during warm, light nights, he’s there in frost and storms, and there at dawn and dusk when I open, and close, the house to the day. 
 
Right now he is completely naked, and I’m not even blushing! He is in silhouette against a winter sky and together they make a perfect couple. His arms are outstretched, strong and inky black against the crisp, clear, end-of-day sky with hints of marshmallow pink inside its icy twinkle. 
 
And the best part? I sat to write this at 4.19pm (with mug of hot tea) and darkness had not fully arrived. Just a few weeks ago at this time I’d have had the blind and curtain drawn. The days are changing. All by themselves. We just need to patiently allow them. Bit by little bit. Look how far we’ve come! 
 
Look back sometimes – can you see your progress?   If you can’t, I bet you have friend or family who can see it.   
 
Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


16

January

Frame of reference

Saturday January 16, 2021


Anticipating (correctly) that our cleaner would not be coming today as lockdown 3 was announced yesterday evening, I was doing some preliminary dusting in our bedroom this morning when I came face to face with a work of art I had not given a thought to for some time.

It is very easy to overlook this piece, approximately A4 in size, in what must once have been quite a splendid frame, gilded wood with crimson velvet, but now so faded that the red is barely discernible. The picture too is discoloured and dull, with not much of the original colour remaining. It is a tapestry of a parrot with a small bird with widespread wings at its feet and grapes and leaves. At the bottom are two initials and a date, faint but clear: 1830

It had belonged to my husband’s parents. After they both died, my husband being an only child, we triaged the contents of their house. Although I had intended to keep it, the picture was sent with other bits and pieces to an auction house, where it failed to sell and was returned. Although my husband suggested getting rid of it because of its lack of artistic merit, I put it on the wall in our bedroom.

When I looked at it more closely, I realised that what was framed was not tapestry but a template for a tapestry sampler, designed to be sewn over to make the picture. It was largely uncompleted, hence the dullness, but a few places had been filled in with black thread and tiny stitches: on the sparrow’s head, the parrot’s wings, half the first stroke of the first initial.

I know the story behind this from my father-in-law. The picture was given to him in gratitude by the family of his friend. They were aristocratic and lived in some splendour in Hungary until the Second World War. Despite both men serving in the Hungarian Army and thus fighting initially on the German side, later both were captured because they were Jewish. I don’t know any more about the exact circumstances of their mutually supportive friendship.
My father-in-law was liberated from a concentration camp. As often happened, the friend was used to locate mines – by walking ahead to identify a safe path for the following troops.

And that’s where the story, like the tapestry and this blog, ends.

Rose
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


15

January

Is it so obvious?

Friday January 15, 2021


I heard my blogs described once as being about the obvious, but the obvious was not always obvious to others.

I hope that makes sense. I know my blogs are not deep and meaningful or full of big words  and complex ideas.

I have talked about wearing gumboots (wellies) and splashing in puddles, about watching toddlers learning to walk, about talking to machines, about feeling like a weed and many other simple topics.

Sometimes we overlook or avoid the obvious simply because it is always there staring us in the face. I am sure many of us have been looking for a solution when there was a simple one right in front of us.

Do you we take the obvious, the mundane, the domestic tasks for granted as we seek something that seems more worthy more highbrow? Complex ideas and words I do not understand are important, and I am glad we have such a variety of views on Moodscope.

When I first heard someone say my blogs were about the obvious or the simple things, I suppose I felt a bit defensive but I now see that is a good thing. I have mentioned my blogs as an example but would like the discussion to be a broader one about how you feel about the simple and the obvious and how sometimes we ignore something as it is too obvious.

In this world where everything is changing and getting complicated, I feel there is still a place for the obvious and simple things in life. Maybe you can think of a few examples.

Can you think of a time you forgot about the obvious whether it was a solution, thing, answer you were looking for and tell us about it? Do you think maybe we should look for a deeper way of expressing ourselves instead of the obvious?

Leah
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


14

January

Retirement

Thursday January 14, 2021


A few people congratulated me on my retirement and I was totally mystified. I didn’t know what there was to congratulate me about this event. I discussed it with my daughter. She helped me to see the issue from a different perspective.

For three months I was in a liminal stage as I was only working one day a week for about one hour. I had been mentally preparing myself for this event, my retirement.

I wanted something to look forward to after I retired. I have found that my life has developed a distinct and different pattern. A friend stated that the two Lockdowns have enabled me to smoothly glide into retirement as I have been working from home using Teams while still supporting my students and to make contact with various people in the workplace. Also, I haven’t lost connection with some of my former colleagues.

I have enrolled on creative writing sessions and am thoroughly enjoying them. I have participated and completed an open learning course with the Open University. I have found time ’flying on wings like a dove.’ No sooner has the week begun, it is into the weekend. That has been slightly disconcerting. I have frequently said that ”time goes quickly when we are having fun” or are gainfully employed in un-stressful activity. It isn’t the same as being unemployed, there isn’t the stigma attached to the new stage in my life.

I need to develop new rituals and routines which are a necessary framework to my day. I realise that there is nothing to be worried about retirement.

Orange Blossom
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


13

January

Ditch the Guilt

Wednesday January 13, 2021


I was on a Zoom call with some colleagues yesterday. It was a coaching call with one of our directors; exploring the emotions and beliefs in our lives that prevent us from being as effective as we might wish.

As we each talked through our current emotions and where we feel we are with our businesses and our lives, our coach pulled out at random, an advice card for each of us.

You can always find something useful in these cards – even if they don’t seem immediately to apply to your situation, but this time, most of them hit the nail on the head.

“Let go of Guilt,” mine said, with a charming illustration of an angel bearing flowers. “When you allow your light to shine brightly, you inspire others. Forgive yourself for what you think you’ve done or not done, and trust that you are loved unconditionally for who you are. Learn and grow from past mistakes instead of berating yourself for them.”

Jackie, our coach, has known me for nearly twenty years; she laughed. She knows that I am an expert at feeling guilty.

I feel guilty about not having a beautifully decorated clean and tidy home; I feel guilty about not having a more successful business; I feel guilty about not being a good enough wife and mother; most of all I feel guilty about my bipolar disorder.

Well, that’s not quite true. I know I cannot help my condition; none of us can. When life dealt us the cards, we got bipolar or depression; we must play the hand we’re given because we don’t have anything else.

It is not the condition itself which brings on my guilt, however; it’s the episodes of mania and depression and the effect they have on my family, my friends and my clients.

I always feel I should have managed things better. When people say to me, “You were running yourself ragged: you just wore yourself out; you shouldn’t have overdone it,” I take that on and feel guilty, though I know, even with medication, I cannot control the high energy of the mania. Now the fog of depression has cleared, and I can think again, I feel guilty for the time out; for letting people down; for the gaping holes in my memory, and the fact I still get tired: my strength and stamina have not yet returned.

This may all seem very familiar to you; I know I cannot be alone.

I’m going to take the advice on the card and let go of the guilt, and I’d invite you to do the same. We all do the best we can with what we’ve been given. It might be difficult to accept that we inspire others but for somebody, somewhere, we are an inspiration, and we are loved.

We all make mistakes – it’s called being human. Let’s take the lessons and forgive ourselves for those mistakes.

Guilt doesn’t help us; it only harms us.

Let it go.

Mary
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


12

January

Toxic people

Tuesday January 12, 2021


WARNING. If you feel we should always turn the other cheek, never retaliate, least said the better, don’t read on, this blog is not for the likes of you.
 
Hello my friend! Now is it just me, or has the pandemic given the opportunists, the predators and  sadists  some extra energy?

I am amazed at the supernatural way these types can smell blood. You’ve had a rotten day, depressed and tired - who comes crawling out of the woodwork but your favourite passive- aggressive, sarky, patronising little creep. Some worrying news, that could wait, just has to be imparted at 10.30pm as you are ready to crawl under the duvet.

Better still, why not catch you at 8am on Saturday morning as you wind down after a bad week?
 
Then there  is the “Computer says No” person, loves to frustrate your efforts to remain sane.
 
I know, I know, there have been many heartwarming stories of  kindness and sacrifice this year. Nice decent people are always in the majority. I have just heard  many tales lately of the other sort, people going out of their way to be insensitive, greedy, unkind. A friend  described her nasty sister to me “She’s the sort of person who wakes up to blue skies, birds singing and thinks who can I upset today?”
 
A particular thorn in my side is a  woman I am forced to have dealings with, no  choice. It would take too long to describe her spiteful ways and the people she has upset.
 
In the past I  tried to be friendly, but any little kindness was met with bitchiness. If I or anyone remonstrates, she feigns terminal  illness, or a death in the family. Her elderly mother has died at least 3 times.
 
Unfortunately she turned the spotlight on me again this year. Emails are circulated, questioning and scorning every decision or suggestion I make, calling me a liar, a bully. No foundation, just name-calling.

Her emails to me have been patronising, full of digs. Not responding to her provocation has taken a real toll on my health mentally and physically. I joke about her, but at night I’ve been lying awake, my mind full of  what I wanted to say, my guts a ball of acid. It has not helped that my partner is of the “Don’t rock the boat, don’t let her get to you” mindset. His family were silent martyrs, mine were pugnacious, feisty.
 
The last straw came. She heard I had roofing work done, and posted a good review for the one-man business. Naming me as a recommendation, she got him to quote, gave an order and cancelled the day before, leaving him badly out of pocket for the materials. When he remonstrated she laughed “Sue me” and hung up.
 
I sat down and wrote:
 
“I have a variety of your emails forwarded to me. It seems  because I don’t accept you riding roughshod over everyone, I am therefore an ogre. I cannot tell you how much pleasure it has given me, reading what you say, how much you resent me. If I thought for one minute that you see me as a kindred spirit, if someone like you had a single shred of admiration and respect for me, I would want to vomit . I could not bear to be the sort of person you would like. I am greatly relieved, because if you loathe me as much as you say, I must be getting something right. It has given me a real morale boost.
 
Also, it will be much quicker if in future you just send these emails directly to me. They all get passed on, with loads of rude words and  comments added. That  extra large print you use, all the underlinings, do such a good job of conveying your utter barminess. Thank you so much for giving us all a good laugh during these dark days.”
 
I  feel so much better, and had great feedback from those copied in. This was a month ago, not a peep from her since, so everyone is thanking me for that. How I wish I had acted sooner.
 
So comrades, is there someone now, or the past, who you would like to sock it to? You don’t have to send it to them, just to me. I would love to read it.

Val
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


11

January


[To view a video of this blog post please click here: https://youtu.be/wahCRJe0kro]

Some people say, “Sorry!” an awful lot.

I can go one better, I grew up in Sorry… Dorking, Sorry to be precise.
Of course, the tourists call it, “Surrey,” but we locals know it as, “Sorry.”

Dorking, Sorry, is the epicentre of sorriness. Its mascot is a genetically-distorted Cockerel – with an extra-toe. Mutated and selectively bred for Cock-Fighting… sorry!

Joking aside (Surrey, after all, is very beautiful for the most part and I had an extremely privileged childhood even if I chose not to enjoy it!), joking aside, most of us say, “Sorry!” inappropriately, disempoweringly, and all too frequently.

The very lovely Linda Parkes (who I always call, “Linda Sparkes,” in my mind because she gives off so many smiley sparkles of joy) shared with me some magical transformations from “sorry” to something better. I thought we might try them for a spell.

These magic words were originally from an Instagram post, though the graphic was so tiny, I can’t read the source. If you’re out there, ping me and we’ll give you the credit due.

It’s called, “Stop apologising, start thanking!”

Thus…

“I’m sorry I’m late,” becomes, “Thank you for waiting for me!”

“I’m sorry for being so sensitive,” becomes, “Thank you for accepting me just the way I am!”

“I’m sorry I always mess up everything,” becomes, “Thank you for being patient!”

“I’m sorry that you have to bail me out so often,” becomes, “Thank you for always being there for me, and for supporting me. Your kindness is deeply appreciated.”

“I’m sorry for talking about me and my problems so much,” becomes, “Thank you for listening to me!”

“I’m sorry for being so difficult to love,” becomes, “Thank you for being so loving!”

“I’m sorry for being me,” becomes, “Thank you for being you!”

I love the way all of these shift the focus from us to them. They become the heroes, and that’s easy for both us and them to feel good about. If we focus on the problems that we’ve caused and they are helping us with, we stay stuck in the sorry-state of the issue at hand. When we shift to the solution they are supplying they can feel good… and we all remember how others make us feel.

That sounds like the perfect reason to share one of my favourite quotes from Maya Angelou…

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Make them feel great by saying, “Thank You!” (not, “Sorry!”)

Lex
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


10

January

Bridges 

Sunday January 10, 2021


There are so many curious and wonderful bridges out there. From magnificent feats of engineering and architecture, adorning many a postcard (yep, I still send and love to receive them), to the fragile, wobbly ones that make your heart live in your throat. Then there are surprise ones, found on a walk, fashioned from any old bit of wood, placed over a burn, to help keep your feet dry and steady. 
 
The imaginary ones are extremely useful too. If you are feeling anxiety rise because of the latest rounds of news, you might find a bridge is useful. It can help create a little distance between living inside your thoughts and looking at them from a standpoint. 
 
Just picture your own bridge of dreams or bridge of practicality – in a glade, in a city, one you have commuted over, big or small, real or fictional. Then think of the words, phrases and images which are causing your anxiousness. Now, try to see them over the bridge, on the other side. Where you stand is where you are. Solid, rooted, safely on the bank. And where they are is distanced, on the other bank. You can be a witness to them, in fact you have to, there really is no getting away, they are part of this. But, whilst you are a witness, from this little distance, you can only watch. At some point you must accept that you need to walk on. It still will happen whether you watch or not, only now you can help by taking care of yourself.  
 
Keeping safe and helping comes in many guises. 
 
Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


9

January

Magical cornflowers

Saturday January 9, 2021


Last autumn I was going for my weekly walk with two friends, and we were commenting as we walked on the beauty of the plants in some of our neighbours’ gardens. We came to a garden with an elderly couple both gardening, and stopped for a brief chat with them. I admired the cornflowers bobbing in the breeze. Many of them had already gone to seed and the seedpods were pretty too.

The lady told us to wait, then took a bag and put many seed heads from the plants into a plastic bag and gave them to me. I thanked her, not knowing really what to do with them, as we have a shady garden, apart from a little vegetable patch.

I went home and after a week or so decided that I would put them in the veggie patch as I had no other sunny spot. Then nature could decide whether to raise them for me.

This Spring (after a horrible year of fires) we have had the best rains in eleven years. I live in Australia, where rain is not taken for granted. All the seeds sprouted, and friends are now asking for seeds from “my” plants.

What a kind gardener that lady was, and how much joy she has brought. Those cornflowers remind me of my growing up in England, my family, my first home. Magical.

Paula
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


8

January

To Whom It Might Offend...

Friday January 8, 2021


"There would be less offended people in the world if we brought back gun dualing," a bumper sticker said. While I wouldn't actually endorse such violence it was some pause for thought. People are sooooo offended these days. 

A counselor once told me:"we choose our thoughts, we choose our feelings, and we choose our behaviour as a result of those thoughts and feelings..."

So in plain words... to constantly pick offence is a conscious decision to play the role of a victim. (Very Insecure Child Trapped In Muck). Everything hurts, people do things to us specifically to hurt us... life happens to annoy and inconvenience us elite and OFFENDED souls. The last time I checked it takes no special effort for one imperfect human to violate another, yet there is such a thing as perception! 

Recently I refused to apologize for startling someone on a job who startled me just as much. I am a stickler for the truth and authenticity and I don't cater to the delusions of self importance of anyone.

Then I rescinded on my reserve and did utter an apology to someone who is habitually and perpetually ALWAYS offended with someone or something. I offered it with no intention of reconnection. And I worded it like this: "I am sorry for whatever I did or said that offended you." Not making myself wrong in the process... not offering anything more either. 

The world is full of people that need to get over themselves and realize it isn't all about them. There are over 7 billion of us...

My rearview sticker before I accidentally smashed my own car window days ago read:" if they chase you out of town act like you are leading the parade." And by the way the price for replacement of the glass is really offensive! 

The next slogan if not my business advertisement, will depict:"taking offence when there is none being given is petty theft."

When I was raising my children I wanted to discourage them using the phrase:"I am sorry," as some sort of a magic spell to relax the offended and then repeat the bad deed like a domestic abuser. I told them : "a real apology is followed by changed behaviour." 

Bailey
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


7

January

Another world

Thursday January 7, 2021


The past few weeks I have been immersing myself in another world of grand castles, proud nobility, incredible extravagance and people who served them. Yes, I discovered Downton Abbey. There is something when reality is too harsh to immerse yourself in another world and why not a world of jewels, evening gowns and amazing meals served with crystal and silverware.

It was just what I needed to stop my mind over thinking. I think not have to worry, but being able to watch and just be an observer helped me remain calm.

I was wondering how many people use series that show a different world either in a different time, or place, or culture to just escape somewhere else. There may be people who like science fiction or fantasy, or maybe old black and white movies. You may have a go to book or author that helps you live in another world or place.

I wonder what it is about watching a series about people whose lives are so different to one’s own. Is It that while the characters stories may be different to ours there are still themes of being yourself, daring to be different and following one’s dreams.

Of course, some Moodscopers may escape with more literary works, poetry, plays, large books like War and Peace or Ulysses.

Whatever you choose book, movie, a series, television, even a painting it does not matter. So, let me know what you choose when you need a break from the reality of your life.

If you do not can you explain why it does not help you?

Leah
A Moodscope member

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


6

January

Easy Does It

Wednesday January 6, 2021


There are wonderful times when the depression lifts.

I hope, for you too, depression is not a permanent state – although I know for many it is long term and can seem like a whole-life prison sentence without reprieve.

I’m lucky in that respect. My bipolar disorder means although I am unlikely ever to be free of these periods of depression, they are intermittent and these days, thanks to medication, less frequent and of shorter duration than formerly.

I came out of this one on 28th December; it lasted 24 days and seemed like forever. While it lasted, it was completely incapacitating. My husband and children shopped, cooked and cleaned while I wandered around in a fog and forgot everything they told me within ten minutes. I tried to carry on working, but it was impossible, and I had to write to my clients explaining I was ill and would not be available until further notice.

But it lifted. On 28th December I awoke clear-headed; the fog had gone. My body was my own again. Suddenly, I could feel my fingertips at the end of my arms - which were of normal length. I wanted to jump and laugh and celebrate. But I couldn’t, because my legs were still wobbly. The energy levels are taking a while to catch up.

It is frustrating because, of course; all the tasks I wanted to do in December are still there; they haven’t gone away. The difference is that now I can see them again, without the fog, and I’m feeling overwhelmed. Quite frankly, it’s depressing!

I texted a friend about this. “So much has been neglected while I have been ill,” I said.

“Not neglected,” she replied. “Reprioritised, and rightly so.

“You must recover fully,” she continued. “It’s important to get your foundations strengthened first.”

She’s right. If it had been the ‘flu, or covid, I would not expect to bounce back immediately; I would take it slowly and give myself time to recuperate. I might take a measured return to work: part time to begin with. I might sit down and read a book with the cat on my lap. I would not berate myself for taking the time to convalesce.

So often we, who might know better, still refuse to treat our depression as a real illness. We think of it as being only mental and emotional, and do not appreciate the full effect it has on the body. Depression is often physical as well as mental and emotional: it is a whole-body illness.

So, let’s be gentle on ourselves. I know this is easier to say than to do but we should take this lesson to heart. Live every moment; take baby steps; set small, easily achievable goals.

Today I will go through my emails. Tomorrow I will reconcile my bank statement. Small, needful tasks; I won’t ask anything more of myself.

We recover faster if we take it slowly, wherever we are in our illness.

Mary
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


5

January

Find Warmth in the Cold

Tuesday January 5, 2021


Have you ever felt the moment, where your mind and body are shivering from life and you just want to take a break and escape from the cold present? For me, it was the new normality the past 10 years.

I've always had a "thing" for operations. With my innate heart disease and couple of additional health issues, I can proudly count over 12 operations at the age of 33.

Ok, you might think now: "This is not funny at all, dude!"

Well, yes and no. My last operation in 2010 marked the way to my depression. I broke my lumbar vertebrae and had to undergo emergency surgery.

When I woke up after the operation, I couldn't lift and feel my feet.
This mental shock and the ones that followed (I had to undergo a second emergency operation soon after, because I had severe headaches due to a loss of brain liquor) triggered countless ups and downs for the next 3,650 days. Not a very delightful picture, right?

Today, I'm sincerely grateful for everything that happened during that fateful day and for every moment afterwards. I see every day as something special, not with shiver. Every encounter as a gift, not a pain in the a**. Every mental struggle as feedback to be more kind to yourself rather than judging your own failures.

The bottom line is:

If you feel that you're the victim OR the one that can change your own future by starting NOW: You're both right :)

I've tried countless methods to overcome and to "heal" my depression. Just concluding: "Don't try to deny your own feelings. Accept them gratefully with utmost sincerity and think about, what really defines you."

The depression does not identify you. YOU'RE the one in charge.

Right now, I still can't feel my feet, but I can walk and run with all my might. My brain also functions properly (maybe sometimes a little bit crazy :P). But it was ME, who tried everything possible to make MY situation better.

Currently, I'm doing physical and mental activities 7 times a week (Running, Body weight workouts, hiking, walking, cold yoga, meditation, mindful breathing, cold showers, ...) and I seek comfort in the discomfort.

So find your inner fire and ignite it in the cold :)

Cheers

Xiaoao xoxo
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


4

January

Jumping Janus

Monday January 4, 2021


Is it time for a jump to the left?


Or perhaps a step to the right?


I think I’ve had my hands on my head rather than my hands on my hips, and let’s not talk about the pelvic thrusts… that drives me insane*.  (*If you’re scratching your head wondering what the reference is, it is an adaption of the words to, “The Time Warp,” from, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”)
 
For most of us, I’m sure, 2020 was as surreal as, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” being both rocky and horrifying, and I certainly felt time was warped. Moodscope has been like a clock, a calendar, and a compass – setting a time each day, the date, and delivering direction. Our blogs have given a welcome rhythm to the week and the comments good company.
 
Willingly or unwillingly, it is time for change – some small and some huge – hence the jump and the step reference. January is named after Janus – the Roman god of transitions and beginnings. He ruled over changes from war to peace, and even over passages, doors, and gates (according to greek mythology). I see 2021 stretching ahead like a long corridor with many doors off the passage. Many of these will be entrances to new exciting possibilities, and those are the only ones I want to think about today.
 
Most images and statues have Janus looking two ways – to the past and the future.
 
I think we are going to need a new figurehead for 2021… and let’s call her, “Janet,” dammit! Janet is an upgrade on Janus, for she will need three faces – one looking to the past for the lessons we can learn, one facing the future with courage and a sense of possibility, and her new beautiful face focusing on the present – one day at a time.
 
I was delighted with all of those who responded to the “2020 Something Old, Something New,” blog so let’s not repeat that message. Instead, I would like us to chat in the comments about how we can be ‘Janet’ to one another, especially getting us through 2021 one day at a time.
 
I regularly draw strength and delight from the memories of the past our bloggers share – with the Gardener standing out as having had such a treasure house of exotic experiences that come to new life in her posts. That anchors me to a sense of reassurance that we will continue even if the world is changing. What are your most powerful memories that give you strength?
 
Off the top of my head, I don’t recall many future-focused blogs, so I wonder how we can reassure one another that there are better days coming? We need voices like Dr Martin Luther King Jr who will share bold new dreams. What are your dreams that give you hope?
 
And as for today, what keeps you strong ‘in the moment’?  I have spoken many times about rhythms and rituals, so I shall leave today with another thought: where shall I put my attention today to give me energy, strength, and encouragement? I know it is going to be on simple delights. For example, I simply ‘had’ to photograph the leaf-like frost patterns on the roof of the car this morning.
 
Let’s chat and do let me know if you are willingly planning a change – whether it be a large jump or a small step.

Lex
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


3

January

Good luck Ella 

Sunday January 3, 2021


A French lady I do not know came to my house today. We bumped into each other through an online neighbours’ group. We could only speak outside as our semi-lockdown means no going into each other’s homes. She was collecting some boxes and bubble wrap from me. 

Ella is leaving, with her daughter, after a separation and 4 years of living here. She is moving away from my town, back down to London, which has more familiarity and more friends to envelope them. I could tell there was sadness but also decisiveness and determination. Not determination to leave but determination to make herself feel better. I admired that in her and I was so glad that I’d had a few minutes to hear a bit of her story. 
 
Feeling fragmented in a sticking plaster world is very true for so many of us.  I was grateful to meet a new friend, albeit for just moments, and to know the world is still turning, still breathing, still finding a way. She can do it. I can do it. You can do it. 
 
We are doing it. 
 
Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


2

January

Gratitude

Saturday January 2, 2021


I’ve been feeling down of late. The slog of lockdown in the winter and the post Christmas slump has left me firmly sullen, not to mention the added stress of balancing homeschooling and working now the schools are shut.

But tonight is New Years Eve, and a thought has just flashed across my mind. In a year as horrific as 2020, do I still have things to be grateful for? And the answer is yes. Even in the bleakness, I managed to write a mental list and it has lifted me right up, even if just for a few moments.

So, dear Moodscopers, shall we stave off blue January with a little positivity? Share your gratitude in the comments.

I shall start: lockdown has meant more quality time with my children, it has reinforced my closest friendships and I have returned to work after 5 years of childcare.

With love and wishing you all the very best possible for 2021

Shizzle
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment below.


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