Admitting you have a problem

Friday August 2, 2019

It's December 18th – several people close to me have said they don't think I am coping. But I feel fine, at least I think I feel fine - because my feelings usually get processed by my brain not my body.

But I need to do something different, having been round this circle more times than I can count, 'pushing on through' - as the family saying goes - getting things done despite not feeling great.

So I see my Manager at work to say "I think I'm not coping", with my fingers crossed behind my back so the lie doesn't count and the voice in my head saying "... but really I am".

After four months off work, dealing with 'low mood', de-stressing and officially diagnosed with recurring depression, I was prepared to admit I had a problem. The evidence of new SSRI-induced mania, relaxing walks in the woods and daily morning Tai Chi showed me the old creativity and productiveness I used to feel so much more often.

I am now back at work full-time, taking a more relaxed approach to work, not making every minute of every work day count as 'billable' work. I am not eating at my desk, and I take time to chat to colleagues about whatever... and still count it as part of the working day.

But do I still believe I have a problem, or ever really had one? I have the feeling I am still in the first stages of grief... about not being able to do everything I feel I want to, and allowing myself to fail at somethings in life.

How easy is it for you to admit you have a problem?

Just some guy you know
Moodscope member.

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