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When The Going Gets Tough... Wednesday September 28, 2016

Moral Fibre.

Hmmm – sounds like something you might add to your breakfast cereal, doesn't it? The type of thing that has to be smothered with seasonal fresh fruit, yoghurt and a drizzle of honey before it is even remotely palatable and, even then, is vaguely reminiscent of eating carpet tiles. But it's good for you, isn't it!

Some people call it having spine. Some call it grit. Some call it courage. But it's not the courage to step out of an aeroplane with just a backpack containing several metres of silk and technological hope. This is a different type of courage.

All of us face unpleasant tasks. Anyone who has cared for a young child, an elderly person, an invalid, a sick animal, becomes used to those duties connected with incontinence and gastric instability. After a while one becomes inured.

Then there are unpleasant tasks which involve inflicting pain on others. I remember a friend sitting at my kitchen table weeping. He had, that day, made two people redundant. But he had done it with compassion and honesty.

I heard a while back that some people working for a large company had received notification of their redundancies by text. There was public outrage at this; I think, quite rightly. "They didn't even have the decency to tell them face to face!" was the opinion.

Because it takes courage to deliver bad news face to face. Unless, of course, one is a sadist.

"Oh Mary, I have to do a horrible thing!" a friend texted a few days ago. I have no idea what it was he had to do. Given his line of work, I know I cannot ask.

"Then don't think about it," I texted back. "Just do it. Then move on. Don't dwell on it."

And that's the trick, I think. Like the old Nike slogan, "Just do it." But don't underestimate it, or yourself.

Because it takes courage to visit the dying. It takes courage to visit the bereaved and betrayed. It takes courage to visit a friend who is behind bars. Especially if he is rightly behind those bars.

More than this, it takes courage to endure the unendurable over time; to nurse day by day by day, an ungrateful patient, knowing only death will bring release. It takes spine to do a stressful and uncongenial job every day to the best of your ability. It takes every bit of grit you've got to stay in a painful family situation providing love and stability for your children.

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going," Billy Ocean sang. And, for some things requiring physical courage, I can quite see he's right. I see my friend who does Mudathons actually relishing the challenge.

Faced with moral challenges, I think that when the going gets tough, then the tough just tough it out.

And damn well force ourselves to eat those carpet tiles! Because it's the right thing to do.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Duma Wed, Sep 28th 2016 @ 1:53am

Stubbornness is the most underrated virtue, In my opinion.

Had to be first to reply.

We live life 24/365 & a quarter. Roughly.

Good post Mary.

Duma, out.

David Wed, Sep 28th 2016 @ 7:46am

Good Morning Mary,

from David in Australia, very well written of some of lifes events.

Going for my exotic breakfast no carpet tiles today. Keep well and in touch.

Love David.

Orangeblossom Wed, Sep 28th 2016 @ 8:21am

Hi Mary enjoyed your post very much. As a friend, who is also my supervisor, says "stay with it" re difficult situations. It is more difficult to Tay with it for a demanding & ungrateful family member, especially a parent. Hope that you have a great week.

DAVE Wed, Sep 28th 2016 @ 8:35am

Mary, what on Earth would the world be like if it was'nt for a person like you with such insite, your compassion emerges through your own personal struggles, upon strangers whose very lives hang in the balance, and in those very sacred moments you stand there holding the hand of love to those unsure of their life ahead.

When my demise is on its way, I do hope someone like you will be there to see me into Heaven, if I'm worthy enough !

I am in no doubt that the angels who 'silent notes taking' watch over their sisters like you, on this earth.

One day as you stand before God, you will not need to express or explain your life's actions, because He knows your soul deep down.....Why....because He holds your Heart in His Hands.

Some travel this life, oblivious of the beauty, the colours, the birds and the animals, wrapped up in the in their own selfish self-centered ways, and even in their own adversities, won't, can't, or will not see beyond their own space......How sad is it, that we are not an island unto our selves, but there, to serve on another, whose 'Hands Hang Down' to show the way along the path we chose to follow, before we left Him above.

Recently I administered to a dying lady, whose family were in attendance, as I arrived, I whispered in her ear that I was there, she hadn't opened her eyes all week, according to her husband, as I anointed her head with consecrated oil and gave her a blessing, amongst which, that she will be with her predessors, and that her husband in his time will join her, other words of gratitude and comfort to a lady who had Multiple Schlerosis and surcummed to cancer, but in her time at the MS Centre inspired so many.

She opened her eyes at the close of the blessing, and smiled..... Her husband later told me she had heard every word.
Those are very precious and meaningful moments in life which give you, Mary the reason to continue His work.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Your life is purposeful, meaningful , and doesn't go unnoticed, worthy of the highest accolade in the Highest Etchelon in Heaven.

Enjoy the MOMENT, The NOW !

Love Dave X.

Hopeful One Wed, Sep 28th 2016 @ 8:58am

Hi Mary- a great blog highlighting an important aspects of our personality character which ,like quality, is easy to identify but difficult to define.There are of course many types of courage-physical,mental, moral,social, could go on. What they all seem to have in common is some belief or conviction in oneself that one is right or correct.But of course only time can tell.

The laugh today required a certain amount of courage as it contains adult material which some may find offensive. .

A man went into a Liverpool Tesco supermarket and tried to buy half a cauliflower. The very young greens-produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers. The man persisted, and asked to see the manager, and the boy went to find him.Walking into the stock room, the boy said to his manager, "Some bugger out there wants to buy half a cauliflower." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the customer standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet. Where are you from, son? “Cardiff, sir," the boy replied. “Why did you leave Cardiff?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing there but call girls and rugby players. “Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Cardiff. “You’re kidding?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?

Sally Thu, Sep 29th 2016 @ 5:47am

Excellent, HO! Great joke.????

JL Wed, Sep 28th 2016 @ 9:44am

Hi Mary,
It's great to have something to make you think in the morning and your blog made me think. I have just succeeded in moving my mom to just 15 minutes away from us. I know that this has been very hard for her but it made a lot of sense. I was prepared to make a lot of sacrifices to get her to be near and am holding my smile, even on days when she tells me nobody ever visits her when I'm there for the third time in the week! Your blog made me see that, yes, it's tough being an only daughter trying to do the right thing but the right thing is worth doing right. I used to think that the tough literally got going by walking away (let someone else do the hard stuff). Now I can see that the tough get themselves into gear and get going into action. So I will cherish my day at work today and look forward to taking mom to a day centre for the first time tomorrow so that she has someone else to talk to besides me. (Then I can give her house a good clean while she's out so that she doesn't have to ask me to do it, which she won't!)
Keep smiling, Mary. Being tough isn't easy but it's better than being nothing.

The Gardener Wed, Sep 28th 2016 @ 5:31pm

Oh JL - your moaning Mum! I have had the most chaotic day - everything, but everything do deal with, make decisions on - plus normal domestic problems. Mr G is into his being ill every morning - he has a 'repertoire'. Two days running the morning nurse has come with a student, and they've got him up somehow. All the time I'm doing important things on the computer - through a glass partition - every 5 minutes, where are you, where you. Now he can't walk, won't walk - at wits end. A new estate agent came today - a bossy, aggressive English woman - she's worked for 5 agencies, 3 went broke - a good CV for her. She also works as an on line psychotherapist - imagine unloading to such a woman! Amazing. Back to blog and courage - sacking people is perhaps the most awful thing I've had to do - even when it was richly deserved. A most successful business man friend of ours is now 'weird', we think depressed. His last position was MD of a major chain of 11 depots of agricultural machinery and marchandise. Near to his retirement agriculture faced foot and mouth and BSE, farmers went broke, some driven to suicide. He had to close two depots and sack hundreds of men. He also had to watch his farmer friends lose everything. He has never been the same since. Every where I go people compliment me on my 'courage' in how I cope with Mr G. OK, it is seriously tough, but when there's absolutely no alternative you just get on it. I also got plaudits on my courage when I dealt with a couple of road accidents. Everybody else just gawped. What do you, gawp as well, or run away? No eating carpet tiles with an excellent baker 50 metres away. And an Australian breakfast! All that glorious fruit, out in the sun, with lorikeets, a kookaburra and the pied robins in attendance, magic.

Mary Wednesday Thu, Sep 29th 2016 @ 10:37am

Thank you for the comments, everyone. I was not able to get to my computer yesterday to reply to each of you. But I do appreciate them.

the room above the garage Thu, Sep 29th 2016 @ 12:35pm

Just catching up Mary! The tough just tough it out, exactly!! And it does link very well to the Einstein quote from the day before. Thank you, love ratg x.

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