Moodscope's blog



What is missing? Friday February 10, 2017

I was hosting on Christmas day and it was an early start with a very late finish. I missed my meditation. And so ended my unbroken 100+ days of constant. Initially I felt crushed. That was it. Run streak over, disappointed in myself and no impetus left to wash myself in its dewy freshness daily.

Then I took a very heavy virus. Night sweats and hours of listening to my own wheeze can never be gone too soon. I stood in the shower and learned that my mind was on a rampage! I was angry at the ignorance of my aunt and her attitude to my beautiful (and very ill) granny. I was fearful at the return of school and a routine I struggle with. I was consumed with the excruciatingly lonely world of solo parenting my three. My mind jumped from one self-worth question to the next and I was exhausted merely standing under warm water!!

Then a little miracle happened. My 100+ days of meditation grabbed hold and guided me in. Child to mothership. I heard the words "The moment you realise you've been distracted, just return to the breath". And it worked. I repeated it a number of times.

It enabled me to wash off the night. Replace the bedding. Make a big skillet of goodness and sit around the table with my crew and a pot of tea and see that life was ok.

Meditation returns tomorrow morning with the return of my pressured but secure routine. The unbroken run streak never mattered. It's the returning that matters. Whatever it is that makes the difference in your life... return to what you need to be able to get hold of it. And again. And again. And it will come through for you. Trust it.

Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Permalink  |  Blog Home


Orangeblossom Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 6:58am

Thanks RATG. I found your blog very encouraging and uplifting. Yreating each day as a fresh start is a great idea. Lots of love

Rachel Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 7:11am

Dear RATG a beautiful and inspiring blog. I had been thinking of my slippage from exercise and lack of visiting my family. It reminded me to start again& forget the guilt and worry. Have a calm and peaceful day .

Sally Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 7:19am

Great blog, Ratg, and I feel for you in your loneliness. The meditation sounds inspirational, and you came to the important decision that what mattered was jumping on the horse again, metaphorically speaking, and reasoning it through about the one day lost / no meditation. I love your phrase a big skillet of goodness!
I often felt very lonely caring for my autistic son while he was living at home , as school holidays would fall to me to manage him , and he is utterly dependent. There was never a queue of people willing to help out!
At the moment, we are tearing our hair out about his care ( Home he lives in has gone downhill ) and I feel upset at the whole business of fighting for human rights and dignity for an individual who is vulnerable and cannot act for himself and in his own best interest.

Hopeful One Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 8:38am

Hi RATG- lovely to read your blog.Sorry to hear you had a difficult. So glad too you went back to the meditation. Meditation is like that Heineken advert- it reaches the parts that others can't reach. A WD40 if you like.

Totally unrelated to the blog but I have also observed a paradox of meditation and it is this - those I think need it most are the least likely to do it.

'No joke today, my love has gone away
The bottle stands forlorn, a symbol of the dawn

with apologies to the Herman's Hermits.

Rosemary Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 6:00pm

I agree Hopeful One, it often appears those who would best benefit from meditation (or indeed many forms of help) are the ones least likely to able (or should that be 'ready') to do it x

Freya Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 7:26pm

Hopeful One, I hope you are ok and not too forlorn x

LP Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 7:36pm

Big hugs to you HO.xx

Hopeful One Sat, Feb 11th 2017 @ 7:39am

Hi Guys- thank you for your helpful comments.

Jul Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 9:03am

Hello ratg. I had the same virus. I haven't been so ill for years. I had to stop my daily bike ride and now I am better, the weather isn't yet. Bike riding had almost become addictive for me and the forced break I could cope with just about as I felt so ill. However there have been days this week when I should have gone out on my bike but made an excuse not to. However all is not bad. I seem to be less obsessed with the need to ride it every day. I know I will get back to it, maybe not every day until the Spring and Summer, but I am fine and can cope. The withdrawal symptoms have gone! I am not saying you are obsessed with meditation at all. Pleased don't think I'm implying that! As you say in your blog The unbroken run streak never mattered. This has reinforced my experience. Julxx

Norman Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 9:50am

Jul hi! I went out last Sunday for the first time since early December. I only did 25k but it was enough given the weather (+2 deg). I had treated myself to some cold weather gear for Xmas and it seemed to do the trick. Great to get back to that mindfulness of pedals, road, tyres, breathing...

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 10:56am

Waving Bear paws at you Jul....I've just read your comment after posting mine sometimes feels like an addiction...the endorphins released maybe? But then the guilts set in.....we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves! Nice to see you Norman :) Bear x

Jul Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 12:08pm

Hi Norman. 25k is good! I always feel so much better after being out on my bike and I actually think my mood has dropped while I've not been on it regularly. Going away for two weeks from today and am hoping to hire a bike to ride along the sea front. Nice to hear from you Norman. Julxx

Jul Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 12:11pm

Hello Bear. No we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves, you are right! Like your steps, I wasn't allowing my muscles to recover in between rides so this enforced break has taught me not to be so obsessive in future. My body doesn't ache! Julxx

LP Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 9:23am

Hi ratg,
What an uplifting blog!
That feeling of disappointment after having felt well for a while is so familar to me and many others for sure. Circumstances have just seemed to get in the way! So realising that it's about returning the moment you've realise that you've slipped is something to hold onto.
So I was in a great place and I can trust that now I've realised that all I have to do is clamber back towards it, rather than wishing that it hadnt gone and hoping that it mysteriously happens again. It's ME that needs to stand myself up! And I can do it immediately!
It's no wonder that you slipped a little, Christmas can be all consuming literally! Well done for hosting it. You must be so much better these days. You hit the 100 day mark which is awesome so any slip after that would have been nothing by comparison.
Sorry to hear you were ill too, but I loved that little meditation miracle that landed just at the right time! Thank you for sharing it! Wishing little miracles to all :) Love LPxx

Norman Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 9:56am

Some years ago I worked in an office where two of the members were vegan. We always used to get suitable biscuits from a nearby shop. One day a friend of one worker offered to go to the shop. My colleague was having his tea and biscuits when he suddenly started and checked the packet (not our usual biccies). "Oh sh*t!" he said, "twenty-five vegan years just ended!" He sat for a minute looking like he was bereaved. Then he brightened up and said "well I suppose the next twenty-five vegan years start now..."

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 10:57am

Ha! That's just replaced HO's usual joke of the day!

Jane Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 4:50pm

The power of positive thinking!

Rosemary Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 5:41pm

Love that little anecdote; fabulous attitude :)

John Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 10:03am

Hi ratg,

"The moment you realise you've been distracted, just return to the breath"

I suffer with anxiety a lot, and I easily disassociate. Remaining aware of my breathe through the course of the day helps keep me grounded and relaxed, and stops my wild flights of anxiety.

It was lovely to read your blog post, although I initially read it as medication not meditation!!!

But meditation is the medication I need. Recently I had slipped in my daily meditation and my wife noticed I was "different" - I have started up again. So many wonderful ones to choose from.

With kindest regards, and keep up the good work

Leah Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 10:42am

Great blog and great to read one of your blogs.
I like to go a walk every day in the bush and i feel funny if I don't get a walk but then i just start again and don't get mad at myself.
Take care
Leah x

Rosemary Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 5:43pm

I've been walking for a couple of months now (not none stop - I do go home at the end of each walk hehe) but I've found it's the best antidepressant there is, I always feel so much more uplifted on my return x

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 10:51am

Ah, the unbroken's like a drug, an addiction...I have/had it with my step counting...if I didn't beat the target from the day before, I felt guilty. If I didn't reach the target from the previous week - I was gutted...but my feet were telling me Stop! You're averaging thirty five miles a're hurting your poor feet! And so now I take Saturday mornings off and let husband walk doggit, whilst I enjoy the morning papers.

There's a satisfying peace about getting back to good habits...hope your back on track dear RATG....good to see a post from you!
Bear hugs xxx

The Gardener Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 10:56am

A touching blog RATG and one seriously to take to heart. I've never managed meditation but if I don't get a few minutes by myself I go ragged. It might be called 'limbo', looking at water, eyes closed, NOBODY clamouring for attention for 5 minutes. The past two years have often seen me at screaming point. Just got Mr G from respite - he had a very good 'report'. Sounds sarcastic - but he took part in things, did not grumble about the lights, did not threaten anybody with his stick, stopped yelling for me after the first night, and, best of all, did not start in on me the minute I picked him up. So a good score today! Usually nose dives at end of respite. For Mr G's 70th birthday I really pushed the boat out. People who had not met for years talked and talked, walked, boated, drank, ate, then talked again. Our doctor (UK) and his fantastic wife were there - champion talkers. Mr G suffers from arythmia - even then he HAD to take time out. I saw he was getting pretty desperate, but did not want to admit to needing a rest. I said to our Doc '***, you are a doctor, are you not an advocate of 'taking five'. He was mortified, and we all went and 'took five' according to our tastes. Like Leah, I am working on not getting mad at myself if I have not achieved objectives - but getting a bit of 'wind down' time is vital. Thanks RATG.

Maria Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 12:27pm

Hi RATG! It's really good to hear from you. Thanks for such an inspiring blog. I admire you for keeping a routine and I'm glad that you've bounced back. I'm bad at maintaining habits and it effects me negatively. I know meditation is so good for me, I feel so good afterwards, yet I stop doing it for periods. My routine of yoga followed by meditation really sets a positive tone for my day but I fall off regularly. Thanks to you I believe it's a good morning to begin my routine again :) Focusing on my breath is very calming and I do it when feeling frazzled. I have tried other mantras but saying "in" and "out" while breathing deeply calms me the quickest. I'm glad that I have a practice to benefit to make it a regular one... Sending love and light to all!

patricia Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 12:58pm

Thank you for your really good blog, sorry you caught a horrid virus, my husband's started one Christmas Day, I had somehow managed to let that big Black Dog in, early December, and it stayed until two weeks ago, so hot a very happy Christmas, hooray, all is ok again.
Is it possible you can tell us what Meditation you follow, I've tried a few, unfortunately never seem to keep it up for long (school report Must try harder Patricia)
Thought I'd share with you, my daughter went into our local store to try on a swimming costume, she's going to Cornwall next weekend, they have a pool, play area for her 3 year old.
She went into the changing room and stripped off, her little darling James, shouts out oo Boobies, Boobies, mummy. The swim suit ok she goes to pay and the assistant, says what a little dear James is, and makes some comment about how they and the department had heard what he yelled!!!! little ones always tell it as they see it, as my daughter did when she was small, ha ha.
Bye fir now, good wishes to all,

Sheena Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 4:12pm

Wonderful thoughts RATG and so helpful as now it's February and broken resolutions might just be having a little break? Also you are so right that the 100 days you had put in hold their own. Sheena

Jane Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 4:49pm

Thank you ratg xx

Jane Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 4:51pm

Something I need to work on, but I do try to pause and breathe!x

Rosemary Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 5:55pm

Such an invaluable lesson RATG - "The moment you realise you've been distracted, just return to the breath". I'm working on losing quite a lot of weight at present (due to taking steroids for over 2 years because of a health problem ) and my chosen form of exercise is walking (as it helps lift my mood as well.) There are times when I think 'yep you're definitely getting there!' but every so often I slip and either eat too much or miss out on my walk - I have to work very hard not to beat myself up and plummet into 'I'll never reach my goal' mode. So thank you as having read your blog I will now try very hard to accept that I have simply been distracted and can start again tomorrow x

the room above the garage Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 6:43pm

Hello everyone and thank you for such a warm welcome in :-) I'm on the run today and intend replying early tomorrow. Great to hear from you, love ratg x.

Mary Wednesday Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 7:01pm

Finding it hard to get back into my own version of meditation, swimming, after this go- round with the black dog. Did a couple of days last week and then slipped back. I will make a point of being there at 8am tomorrow.

Dragonfly Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 7:28pm

Very encouraging blog Dear ratg. And what inner strength and resourcefulness you have; to apply your meditation practice after a busy, stressful time and having been unwell too. Also testament to the power of meditation! I've recently started meditating again for all the benefits it brought me before and also because I'm attempting to reduce and hopefully stop my medication.

Di Fri, Feb 10th 2017 @ 9:06pm

Dearest RATG ~
Inspired by your writing along with your meditation on The Breath. I, too, have been using this! I find it to be an excellent tool for living fully as well as in the moment. Thank you for sharing your life with us. You are, as always, a treasure. Lovingly, Di

Eva Sat, Feb 11th 2017 @ 12:30am

Hi ratg you have the biggest tool down - to be able to start again. I learned this and it keeps me going through the rough times, sending you congratulatory hugs, you are a star.

You must login to leave a comment.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive


Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.

We exist to help people to positively manage their moods. You can contribute by taking the test, sharing your experience on the blog or contributing funds so we can keep it free for all who need it.

Moodscope® is © Moodscope Ltd 2018. Developed from scales which are © 1988 American Psychological Association. Cannot be reproduced without express written permission of APA.