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What colour glasses are you wearing today? Wednesday August 20, 2014

Long phone call from a very anxious and upset daughter (studying away from home) - usual anxieties of looming deadlines; financial worries; friendship concerns; worries about the future; all crowding in on her; we have all been there.

"How do you do it, Mum; how do you cope with it all?" How indeed!

I started by advising her to eat sensibly, get out for a walk, tackle some mundane chore; then I tried to tackle each worry in turn. Anything I suggested she countered with more negative responses; In the end (and in some desperation myself!) I talked about seeing the world through different coloured spectacles;

The eternal "Polyanna" optimist is accused of seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses; everything in the garden is rosy!

In a similar way, my daughter was seeing her world through black glasses – nowhere could she see any glimmer of light that day; As it happened that same day I was seeing the world through grey glasses – nothing was terribly black, but then again nothing was very bright - just a monochrome grey which left me feeling dull, uninspired, listless...

So what colour spectacles are you wearing today? If they are black or grey, can you take them off? If you can't take them off, can you remind yourself that you are wearing them today, but that it doesn't mean you will be wearing them tomorrow, or the next day or next week.

It's like the weather; sometimes it rains, sometimes the sun shines, but it does change; maybe not today or even tomorrow; all we can do is acknowledge the "bad weather" and remind ourselves that it will pass in time.


P.S. As easily happens, she hung up feeling much better – I went to bed worrying about her! And spent the following day wondering how she was – until I had to ring her, only to discover that she was out with friends and that she had "sorted" some of her deadlines and did I mind if she hung up now as she wanted to be with her friends!

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Anonymous Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 7:40am

That's really good, thanks for sharing. I too often wear black glasses but am slowly learning that that's the way it is today and tomorrow I might have my, say, pink glasses on!

Anonymous Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 8:21am

Yesterday my glasses were grey. Today they are much brighter. I like your glasses analogy.

Mary Blackhurst Hill Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 11:44am

Great advice: I shall remember it for when my daughtersring me with similar situations and with similar glasses!

Whitney Gray Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 1:22pm

Great visual reminder! Thanks!

Julia Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 2:36pm

Oh I know that scenario Frankie. We were travelling across America when my son rang me from the Balkans in a bad state. I was dog tired and just about to check into a grim motel. I had to ring him back asap. My glasses were murkey and I felt so inadequate about giving him the right advice. I worried so much about it afterwards lying awake in that horrid hotel bed. So I know how you felt and the next day when your daughter was 100% on top of it all again. My mother used to tell me after I had offloaded my worries onto her that she had lain awake all night worrying about me and I got so annoyed as I felt she was putting the blame on me. But I understand how she felt now (but she shouldn't have told me!!) What a lovely honest open blog Frankie. It made me laugh..the PS. What came through for me was that even when we are wearing grey glasses we are of help to others, we make the effort, probably much more of an effort than if we were wearing rose tinted ones.

Anonymous Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 6:43pm

Frankie, I'm a visual person so this is great for me, thank you. I will choose my glasses tomorrow morning...before I get up! I wear glasses (or contacts)...interestingly when I feel better I wear my contacts a lot and when I'm down I reply on my specs to provide another little bit of shelter. I'm going to watch for other things I unintentionally do, that might help me identify when I'm slipping. Thank you.
Love from the room above the garage.

Diana Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 7:35pm

Perhaps you meant IF " we make the effort " Julia, in the last but one line ?

Anonymous Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 11:04pm

Hi Julia - I hadn't picked up on the being of help to others when (or if, Diana!) we are wearing grey glasses - thank-you; a new nugget for me from my own post! Frankie

Anonymous Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 11:07pm

Hi Anon 8.21am - thank-you. I hope they continue getting brighter! Frankie

Anonymous Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 11:10pm

Hi room above the garage (still loving the name!) Glad it helps and interesting what you say about contact lenses - don't beat yourself up though if you do choose the specs. We all have our "crutches" to get us through - now there's a thought - what colour crutches ...! Frankie

Anonymous Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 11:13pm

Hi Anon 7.40 - good luck with the ongoing journey of living for today - still a challenge for me particularly at the moment ... Frankie

Anonymous Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 11:16pm

Thanks Mary - perhaps I should have included a reminder about Elton John's glasses during his earlier years! Frankie

Anonymous Wed, Aug 20th 2014 @ 11:17pm

Thanks Whitney; glad it helps! Frankie

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