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The light at the end of the tunnel may not be an oncoming train! Wednesday January 7, 2015

My mother was always full of little sayings so when I woke up this morning with an itchy foot her words came back to me: "It means you will be going to a new place."

It's quite true though. 2015 looks like it will be a year of many changes for me.

In a few weeks I will move house and become mortgage free.

In the garden of the new house I plan to convert a large garage to a studio/gallery/classroom.

I intend to start running art classes to provide an income and a new life.

I will graduate from University after 5 years study with my first BA degree.

My son's girlfriend will move to the UK from Germany to start a course and he will rent a flat with her and move out (one down, one to go!)

After being married for 23 years it looks like my hubby may finally come and live with me.

At the end of the year I will have one of those special birthdays ending in a zero.

And after 5 years I will finally be discharged from the care of the local psychiatric team back to my GP.

A very different story from 2009 when I lost my job through depression and spent months hardly able to get out of bed. Or the start of 2010 when I recall sitting on a hospital bed in the mental health unit crying in despair convinced that there was no future for me and the world would be a better place if I was dead.

When you are in the depths of clinical depression it seems that things can never get better, it is an evil illness that robs you of all hope. People talk about being in a pit, unable to get out. For me it has been more like walking in a tunnel of twists turns which give you a glimpse of a light of hope in the distance only to turn a corner back into the darkness and an uneven floor which causes you to trip up and fall on your face over and over again till you believe you can no longer carry on, there's no point. But I am now starting to think that I really can see the opening of the tunnel and whilst I may yet trip and fall before I get out, there is some hope for the future.

Wherever you are in your tunnel remember there is a future for you, you just have to keep walking, putting one foot in front of the other and one day you will find the end...really.

A Moodscope member.

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PWD Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 5:54am

A truly inspirational post there Penny well done you so nice to hear you have done so well. 2015 sounds like great year for you. Good luck with your project too.

Anonymous Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 6:06am

What can I say...LOVE!
Love from the room above the garage :-)

Netty. Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 6:56am

What amazing progress Jenny you are an inspiration and will give hope to others thst are at present stuck in a datk tunnel.Wishing you every happiness on your new adventures.

Anonymous Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 7:42am

Truly inspirational and oh-so-honest, Penny. How refreshing to have mental health portrayed as ' a snapshot of everyday life' rather than belonging to "the life of a weirdo '. I am paraphrasing wildly and my words are not best chosen, but I hope you will understand my meaning. I feel for you so much, it must have been awful, five long, painful years. And you got there! A very positive to all sufferers! I gad a bad breakdown at 18, and still remember the abject misery of living through the dark months of despair and hopelessness to this very day....44 years later! It was the worst experience of my life, and like a disintegration of the personality... I picked up very slowly, virtually by myself. No Moodscope or online community in those days, alas. And mental health much misunderstood. Penny, thank you so much for demystifying the myth and writing an honest account, which I feel will give hope to lots of readers out there.
Xx S.

Anonymous Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 9:53am

Well done and so beautifully written,Penny.Wish I could do that and feel that way. What more can I say,it gives hope for many of us especially this time of year
when life is even harder and the meaning of life often is not easy to find.You found your way back on a good track.All best wishes for you.

Anonymous Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 11:55am

Hi Penny, i shed a tear this morning reading your post. The tears were for the pain of remembering my own experiences....and for the respect i feel for you and the joy, too, that you are now walking surely towards that light. The light is your own inner light, guiding you forth, back to you. Don't worry about the stumbles..... Best wishes, susan

Anonymous Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 12:01pm

Congratulations Penny, what an achievement. Enjoy making great memories in 2015. Thanks for sharing your journey. My journey doesn't so much feel like a tunnel but a rollercoaster ride! ( with some tunnels, bridges, offroad tracks and motorway highways along the way)

Sally Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 1:53pm

Thank you Penny for sharing your life. I, too can relate to your post. Your story of losing your job through depression resonates with me, and moving to a mortgage free house. I would love to find out how you coped with losing your job as I am currently going through this myself. How did you financially manage? If there is a way we could ' talk ' privately via a private email address I would really welcome talking to you. This is the first time I have seen someone who has gone through a similar experience to me. It's as if my inner light brought me to reading your post.

Anonymous Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 1:55pm

I love the way you talk about " your own inner light....."

Mary Blackhurst Hill Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 2:57pm

What an inspiring story to give hope to everyone at present in their own dark pit or walking through endless dark labyrinthine tunnels. Penny, you are a real gift. Thank you

Penny Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 6:15pm

Hi Sally, I would love to chat to you. I don't like putting my email address on the site like this in case of scammers but if you go to my web site ( and use the contact us form it will come into my mailbox and I will be able to email you back directly.

Penny Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 6:22pm

Thank you everyone for your kind comments. I was having a bit of a stumble over the last few days but reading these today has picked me up no end!

Silvia A Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 7:55pm

Just to remember - another way is to give Caroline a message asking her to send to the person we want to talk privately. If accepted the person answers directly to the one who requested the contact.

Silvia A Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 8:16pm

Penny, I visited your website and have good moments seeing the gallery.
My compliments!

Anonymous Wed, Jan 7th 2015 @ 9:18pm

Penny - Go well! You will...

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