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So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want. Monday May 23, 2016

So say the Spice Girls! Could it be that they have discovered the spice of life? Could the spice of life be to tell your brain or mind what you really, really want on a daily basis?

Two significant inspirational speakers whom I admire have credited their success to the same practice that I'd like to share today. Brian Tracey and Dan Sullivan both say we can achieve success by writing down what we want on a daily basis.

In 1978, Dan lost his business and his marriage. Life as he had known it ceased to be. Reflecting on why his marriage and his business had failed, he settled on the reason being that he hadn't been telling himself what he really wanted. So, he started the practice of writing down each day what he wanted in and from life. This included a generalisation of the kind of life-partner he wanted. He didn't know who they were so, instead, he wrote down the characteristics of his ideal life-partner.

The interesting aspect for me about all this is that he never went back to read those lists. The act of writing them down was enough to set his mind to know what to work towards. In fact, the word "Mindset" is an interesting one in the sense of setting the mind. Your mind is a faithful servant that needs to be set to work. It needs to be set in a clear direction. Its magic, however, happens at the other-than-conscious level.

My suggestion is that we consciously write down what we want, big and small, on a daily basis, and then leave it trusting the job has been given successfully to both our unconscious mind and the universe in which it lives and moves and has its being.

And this doesn't have to be in a posh life-planner. Brian suggests just using a cheap old note-pad because the purpose is not to go back and consciously continually review. This is a different kind of magic.

Suffice to say that both Dan and Brian have enjoyed the success they sought – and whilst not without hard work, seemingly without effort, stress or strain.

Is it time for you to tell yourself what you want, what you really, really want?
Yes, it is – it is time!

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Hopeful One Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 7:05am

Hi Lex- I could not agree with you more. The act of writing something down such as what we want somehow firms it up in the subconscious mind and sets it to work guiding us in a subtle way toward the target. I personally prefer to give my my needs preference over what I want. Mostly they are the same but sometimes I may want something which I do not actually need.I am also conditioned by my parents telling me 'want never gets''

The Squadron belatedly celebrated its birthday with a party last weekend where it made its singing début before friend and family singing 'Moonlight shadow' by Mike Oldfield and sung by Mary Reilly and 'The wonder of you' by Elvis Presley as it expressed its sentiments for his romantic half. One van hear both on You tube Music if one puts those titles in the search window.

Today's laugh is short.

A passenger is at an airline checkout and tells the lady at the desk.I "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" He tells her, "You did it last week!

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 7:57am

Musical Hopeful One, this sounds like you had fun. Love "Moonlight Shadow" - will have to check out the other song. My parents were big on the, "'I want' gets nothing!" So I'm happy to write, "Please may I have..." lol. Good joke too - reminds me of the guy who goes into the pet shop and asks to buy a wasp. Pet Shop owner says, "Sorry, we don't sell wasps." Guy says, "That's strange, there was one in the window this morning..." L'x

the room above the garage Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 8:44am

HO did you do it? Singing at your party?!!! Wonderful! I know you worked towards that for a long while, brilliant! The Wonder of You...I'm laughing, old boyfriend, big Elvis fan, took me to a convention and sang it to me, cringey and hilarious, thank you for bringing that laugh back. Love ratg x.

Hopeful One Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 11:05am

Hi RATG- yes I did before an audience of about 60. I chose 'The wonder of you' as it had that line 'I will never know the reason why you love me like you do..that's the wonder of you". I agree a bit cringey but her 30 yr old daughter had a tear in her eye as she realised how happy her mum had become after meeting me..

Hopeful One Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 11:06am

Hi Lex- good one.

the room above the garage Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 1:26pm

Meant the convention was cringey and hilarious!! :-D Delighted for you all xx.

Still picking figs Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 7:18am

Morning Lex
I knew someone who routinely asked the universe for something each and every day. She possibly still does. Her life certainly turned around, new career in education, a new house, a successful Life Coaching business on the side. She told everyone who listened or not, 'You can have this too.' Her over-enthusiastic nature and virtual shopping lists lost her many friends, they complained that she had lost her realness and had become two-dimensional. I suppose the moral is 'be careful what you wish for' - things can come at a price, even in the free-world. I think your post is an important reminder, to me anyway, that whilst we can break free from a certain mindset and escape the saboteurs, what we choose to focus on shapes the way ahead. Asking for strength, courage, etc., over material or physical things is, in my humble opinion, a far safer bet.

Orangeblossom Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 7:48am

I think that you are spot-on. We all experience difficulties & I would like to have fortitude to face the challenges each day brings to me & mine. I would also like to develop resilience.

Orangeblossom Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 7:48am

I think that you are spot-on. We all experience difficulties & I would like to have fortitude to face the challenges each day brings to me & mine. I would also like to develop resilience.

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 8:10am

Hi Orangeblossom and Still Picking Figs, I'm in agreement with you both. What I really liked about Dan's desire for the right life-partner was his focus on character. I do know my mind will support whatever I focus upon, so I'm keen to let it focus on worthwhile matters and characteristics. Left without direction, it seems to naturally spiral down into doom and gloom! Let's lift up our attention to higher matters today! Onwards and upwards. L'x

Orangeblossom Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 7:53am

Hi Lex
Thanks for your blog which did start me thinking.
I think that I could use the barometer to take my emotional temperature each day as a means of mind setting for the day, using on the positive & minimising the negative mood indicators.

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 8:12am

The Moodscope daily discipline is great. My thought is that it measures what is rather than what we would like to become. Dan and Brian's point is that we can help our heart seek better things if we load those thoughts into the mind. So, as you're suggesting (if I've understood), we could focus on the positive mood indicators as part of the process. That could work brilliantly! L'x

Isabella Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 8:07am

Morning Lex. My mind is in turmoil at the moment - I can feel the clouds coming. I think this is good advice - I didn't read it as asking the universe for what I want. I read it as a very personal way to reign in those wayward thoughts - I can't make a decision to save my life at the moment - I think this might help. My lists are going to be very jumbled for a while but if it gets me to a point where I know where I'm going - that would be good. The problem with sharing it is that immediately you get other people's prejudices, opinions, advice, people making you feel guilty; it should be like the advice on flights, put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Sorry to ramble, but I think this is a very thoughtful blog. I like the idea of mindset - although open-mindedness and flexibility are good partners too. My mind does need some direction at the moment.... Thank you.

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 8:17am

Hi Isabella, thanks for being so open. One of the joys of this process is that this is a private exercise - putting on our own oxygen mask first, as you said. The subconscious mind is powerful but, by definition, not conscious. So, let's load it up with good thoughts and see what emerges! I'm up for a few miracles... and sometimes we have to ask for what we want to receive. Have a great day! L'x

LillyPet Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 8:09am

Morning Lex,
Some people are content with not having a companion. I really felt that as much as I tried to go with the idea that I should be content on my own and not look to someone else to complete me, it wasnt right for me.
Deep down I felt that not having what I really really wanted, what I have always wanted from birth was at the root of my depression.
My friend suggested that I wrote down the characteristics if the companion that I wanted. I did. I didnt leave it to the universe or my subconcious, I searched. It wasnt easy. I found a companion who is more kind and considerate than I could ever have imagined!
This is contraversial I know. Spiritual teaching always seemed to suggest that we should look within ourselves rather than out for healing. Maybe because things are always changing nothing is permenant.
So I wouldnt suggest that I have followed the "right" path. It felt right for me. I listened to my heart and my gut and went with that.
I wouldnt go for what I really really wanted if it felt that it would be unhealthy for me. My true self would know that.
The risk is that if I rely on another person to feel ok, should that person no longer be there I would fall. I have fallen before, many times and I am still here. I get back up eventually. Nature takes its course. I have learned to trust in my true self and for now I can say that I am ok.

I feel a debate coming on! Thank you for an affirming blog Lex!
Peace to all, :) LP xx

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 8:25am

If there is a debate, LP, it'll be a good and helpful one. We all need others - whether that is a life partner or not. This "rugged individualism" of the pioneering spirit that seems so fashionable, is not a helpful model. I agree with you that we will ideally be happy in our own skin and not need anyone else to complete us, but I don't think that's the ultimate role of companionship. For me, companionship is to work together for the common good - a common purpose - and to be a helpful mirror for one another. I know I am not always my best friend. Sometimes, another person can be more merciful in their appraisal of my strengths! They can rebalance my often prejudiced view of my own failings. Let the debate continue! L'x

LillyPet Tue, May 24th 2016 @ 4:34am

Thank you Lex. Your reply has helped ease the dilemma. Xx

LillyPet Tue, May 24th 2016 @ 4:35am

Thank you Lex. Your reply has helped ease the dilemma. Xx

LillyPet Tue, May 24th 2016 @ 4:35am

Thank you Lex. Your reply has helped ease the dilemma. Xx

the room above the garage Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 8:51am

Love this Lex! I'm a big believer in the sub/unconscious mind but I've only thought of it as 'it was meant' or 'it wasn't meant'. I like the idea of grasping it in advance...put it out there and let it develop. Like dark rooms...the colour, vibrancy and stories that come out of the dark. I've never thought of trying writing it down. Time I gave it a go, to actually make the commitment of real pen to real paper. On it! Sorry, rushing, probably making limited sense. Love ratg x.

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 3:38pm

Makes perfect sense to me, RATG. I'm getting a whole awareness of seeds and growth. All by themselves, the seed and the soil do their work. We still don't know quite how, and then those directives take form: first the shoot, then the stem, then the full fruit. My mind is good soil sometimes (I certainly have a fertile imagination) but specific thoughts are seeds, and it seems writing them down plants them properly! Happy planting, L'x

Mary Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 10:51am

A long time ago I sat down and wrote out a very detailed list of what I wanted in a romantic partner. And yes, I wrote what I really wanted, what was really important to me, rather than what I thought *should* be important. I'm not ashamed to say I started with money. This is because I am hopeless with money and I wanted someone in my life who could provide the financial stability I lack. I needed them to have blue eyes, to be happy to don black tie at the drop of a hat - and so on and so forth. For two sides of A4 lined paper..... I then put the list away and more or less forgot about it. When I met my husband a few months later I am convinced that I would not have looked at him twice if it had not been for that list: he did not fulfil the criteria I normally had for registering on my "attractiveness" scale. After we had become engaged I found the list and (with my husband's permission) showed it to the friend he had known since nursery school days. This friend read through the list and then said "You couldn't have described him better if you had known him as long as I have; this is positively uncanny!" My husband and I have been happily married for seventeen years now - so I am a great believer in writing it down. With the caveat - you have to srite down what you really really want - not what you think you should want. I've tried that too - and it doesn't work!

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 3:41pm

Hi Mary, I think that was Dan Sullivan's big lesson - in the bit of his life that didn't work, he was going for what he thought he should and ought. In the more successful adventure, he did exactly what you suggest - wrote what he really, really wanted. I'm so happy your prince manifested for you... reminds me of something from "Practical Magic"... hmmm. L'x

Anonymous Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 1:22pm

Hi Lex. Interesting. I am not a list person but I may try this as I need to re-evaluate certain aspects of my life right now and saying what I really really want is a good way to start. Talking of the Spice Girls, I was listening to Mel C sing a track from her album Northern Star the other day, titled "If That were Me" It's quite melancholy so not for everyone but I've always loved the lyrics. Jul xxx

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 3:43pm

That's a great album, Jules... tickles me that I often see it (alongside Westlife) in Charity Shops... people don't know what treasure they are giving up. Don't concern yourself with a list, just let your 'stream of consciousness flow' - and it could even begin with "I wish..." or "I have a dream..." I wish the best for you. L'xxx

Anonymous Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 5:03pm

I noticed that you also like Wolfstone. I am a great fan of the original line up which I used to go and see when living in Scotland. (I am sure they are just as good with their new band members) Mel C hasn't got a great voice but i think she is undervalued! Jules xxxx

Lex Tue, May 24th 2016 @ 8:28am

Ah, "It's in the rhythm of the dancer..." Heart and soul, Jules, heart and soul xxxx

The Gardener Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 2:51pm

Very much a 'list' person, have to be, BUT had to be careful - they can become obsessive, you write impossible targets then get upset at not achieving them. What I really really want is a holiday - Club Met would be perfect, pretty clothes, sea, swimming pools, super food, a glorious range of people round the globe to gossip with, and be spoiled. LH, why did you ever ask such a question?

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 3:45pm

Hi Gardener... the dare with this exercise is to write and then 'forget' - this is a job for the unconscious mind, not a list for review or agonising over. It's a kind of dare to dream, write it down, and then forget out it - like Mary's account above. Who knows what will happen, but it is a start and we all have to start somewhere. L'x

The Gardener Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 2:53pm

I shall have to go and beat up the garden to conquer the angst, it will probably rain on me, then I can REALLY feel hard done by. I'm coming to the end of my week's 'freedom' they have changes his medication, say he is calmer, but will he be so with me? List of mwA

The Gardener Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 5:08pm

Typos abound - above refers to Mr G - it did not rain, garden real Chelsea stuff - intend to 'open' Wednesday, so it will rain. A few years ago a French woman said my garden was 'chaotic' - beautiful chaos, she added. Gardening did not quell the yearning unearthed by \Lex's blog - still thinking of the unattaiable, a holiday.

The Gardener Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 5:52pm

Hi Lex - the holiday is an exercise to dream and forget - but it won't go away! You refer to Mary above - romanting ideal - watched 'Rook at the top' last night - pretty unpleasant outcome - yet, money is so important, sadly - and scuppers most dreams

Lesley Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 7:33pm

Lex, I wrote in my copy of a Tony Robbins book (Awaken the giant within) what I dreamed of, to live in a house of glass and wood by the sea. That was in 2004. I forgot I had ever written this. It did indeed come true in 2010. Alas I had forgotten that this had been my dream. When I had achieved it I got confused (in crisis of depression I didn't realise I was having in a Nordic land) and jumped ship back to blighty. A poorly made decision. I found the book and the writings in it a year after my return to the UK and cried my eyes and heart out. I had had everything I ever wanted but had not appreciated it or remembered how much I had wanted it and the peace there. My ego and fear had intervened and sabotaged my amazing life. It is now immensely hard to envisage anything else, anything that could ever replace that dream. Maybe I need to write down again what I want in a partner. Everyone keeps hammering on, "don't want too much" and it simply makes me feel guilty for wanting to sail and ski again, to know that moment on top of a mountain or camping on an island I kayaked to . These sound terribly selfish but these experiences challenged me and pushed me in ways I never thought I would. Perhaps that is what I want in a partner - a sense of adventure. I know I have been terribly lucky to have done these things but sometimes it is easier never to have known such things or a person who always wrote what he wanted and achieved it, than to have done them.

Lex Mon, May 23rd 2016 @ 7:58pm

This sounds like the same dilemma, Lesley, most of us face with love. Better to have loved and lost etc... until one loses, then one begs to differ with the received wisdom. I too have lost a home I dreamed of and loved. Recent comfort has come in the thought that my children will never be small again - that chapter has passed - so I must enjoy new chapters. Perhaps it's time to write a new dream (maybe even in the back of Tony's book?) You know it worked once. I believe we can have good new chapters even if the plot twists and the journey is difficult and, for me, I could have made the journey in less time with less stress! May our stories have happiness in the future, the near future. L'x

Lesley Sat, May 28th 2016 @ 12:53pm

Thanks, Lex. You always make supportive comments. After I wrote my comments I reflected that they were perhaps too material.

Salt Water Mum Tue, May 24th 2016 @ 10:11am

I am belatedly reading yesterday's blog - wow Lex, very timely for me.

I had such a similar conversation with a close friend over the weekend. Both of us struggling a bit at the moment. We had one of those wonderfully, honest girlie chats and realised that yes, we are both 'stuck', we are on a giant mouse wheel going around in circles and feeling scared about jumping off...

... and then light bulb moment.... how on earth can we get what we want if we don't know exactly what we want. Vagueness is all very well - as is wanting something different and wanting change. But... actually asking myself the question 'what do I want?' and then putting those wants into words and yes, writing them down....

Ahhhhh! A challenge indeed. I could win medals for talking and thinking - time to act now!

Thank you Lex for the inspiration and thank you Mary for your honesty, it's really helped me focus.


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