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27

May


Sing a new song, Chiquitita. Saturday May 27, 2017

It's been an interesting week for me. Thoughts turned to suicide far more often than usual (and worry not, they were just thoughts). Such sadness in the news, coupled with family and friend issues (mostly imagined) took their toll. Mix in a portion of tiredness and stir the mix vigorously with negative imagination... well, most of us know all about this... the results were pretty predictable. A deep low.

So, on my way to yet another meeting, I decided to take some ABBA in the car to lift my spirit. Except, ABBA's lyrics are full of sadness too, if you really listen. And really listen, I did!

The result is that I have a new personal theme song! Chiquitita!

I'll have to change the Spanish to the male equivalent, but the message remains sound.

Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong
You're enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet...

[So far, that's a perfect description of both how I feel and what I do when I feel like that. So what can we do?]

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you've broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together

[First thing is to find Moodscope-friendly, friends! Thankfully, you're here. And then comes the breakthrough...]

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving

Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

Sadness will pass and I will find a New Song to sing.

I hope you will too.

And then, I'll be more sure of myself again, but doubly-sure of those friends who are that shoulder to cry on, and that catalyst for hope.

Thank you... you know who you are x

Lex
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

the room above the garage Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 1:10am

It's such a beautiful song! I'm sorry your week has been a bad one. The news just hangs in the air for us all I think, immovable. I almost wrote a blog and then realised I was not ready. Need a bit more time to try to comprehend it all. Young, beautiful people...I really have no words. I hope you do lean on others sometimes, you always sound so cheery in your blogs. Like you maybe feel you shouldn't quite trouble anyone with this thing we all share. Well just so you know, trouble is what we're good at in here...lean on. Goodnight my friend, tomorrow is new and on it's way. Love ratg x.

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:41am

Thanks RATG... very perceptive. I often feel I shouldn't 'trouble' others, but, as you say, that's what Moodscope is here for, n'est pas? x

Sarah yellow rose Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 6:24am

Lex, thank you for your honesty. You always contribute so much to this community as ratg says in a cheerful and thoughtful way. Including your replies. Moodscope is uplifting, I know the song you mention well and the words. I find music and certain songs really helpful too. Have you heard Keane "can't stop now"? I really don't know why as it's not my favourite song ( Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty is) but the urgency in his voice somehow makes me feel stronger. Love S x

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:54am

Hi Sarah Yellow Rose, I'm checking out Keane now... x

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:55am

Beautiful song, and beautiful voice... thank you.

Sally Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 6:27am

i am so sorry, Lex , that you've felt suicidal this week. My heart goes out to you in your pain and anguish. Can you backtrack and pinpoint the negative strokes that ground you down, or is the depression cyclical, as mine is? Either way, it's a nasty place to be in, when suicidal thoughts come into it. Please be assured of help out there, and may you climb the pole and it not be too greasy...or not greasy at all!
You are an inspiration here on Moodscope with your blogs and nice, kind, funny comments after people have written and commented, that it is a something of a shock this morning to learn that you are not feeling great.
The Chiquitita song is great, yes, it is so good to have the words to read.
Thank you less. May the blue bird of happiness visit you very, very soon...if you understand me!

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:58am

Hi Sally, thank you for your concern and support. I know some of the triggers. I thought it important to share too - in the sense that many may think that I am OK but I'm not, and actually I write from a place of not being OK! If that makes any sense, I'm trying to reassure my Moodscope friends and buddies that something is working because I need it to work! Watching for blue birds...

Sally Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 6:31am

Lex, not less! Grrr..autocorrect.

The Gardener Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:17am

Lex, can I impinge (word??) on your blog to answer a post from Molly yesterday. If Doctor Michael is still around he might like to comment. I suggested a possible (very tenuous) idea that long-term depression just might be a precursor to Alzheimer. Not meant to depress the depressed! The two excellent lists high-lighted that my husband has refused to do most of them - the cerebral half, and volunteering. The media and powers-that-be are now certain, and publicizing, the awful effects of obesity. As was said yesterday, caring for the old is a major issue of the coming election. IF there WERE a link as above it might provoke authorities, medical, social, political to take more notice of profound depression. My husband's respite programme echoes the two lists a bit - daily they meet for coffee and discussion of the day's papers. Every day there are memories games. Afternoon is walking and singing. Callisthenics (called 'gym douce') creative arts, cooking and clearing up, cake making, outings for picnics. And Lex, you seem so 'outward' looking - balance sheet needed. Mr G let me sleep, a bonus. His misery was drowned by the blackbird - good music on France Musique. I hope the equivalent of my blackbird will enter your mind today - my inner self cringes most of the time - but external 'forces' keep me afloat - hugs, kisses and smiles foremost - there will be a lot today, three-way twinning and I will 'open' my garden. Go well, Lex, you give so much pleasure and food for thought xx

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:06pm

Thank you, Dear Gardener... a better day today, and I hope you have had a better day too x x

Isabella Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:20am

It's strange that we all know this song and many more, but often don't really listen to the words - I shall listen to Chiquita with different ears - the lyrics are beautiful. Thank you for finding out! I think I understand your comment about suicide too, I think about it sometimes but would never do it...I learnt not to admit it as it sends people into panic mode...but it's 'normal' for me! The news - I hear headlines sometimes but seldom listen - I try to stay away from negativity- not easy, but I feel I have to protect myself. It's too easy to become completely overwhelmed by world news - and angry and sad and all the other tiring emotions.
On a lighter note... I will always love you - Witney Houston et al - is often played at weddings....but it's from the Bodyguard and she's leaving him, despite loving him....
Thank you for your blog today. It's raining this morning but my good friend with her shoulder...is staying. We count our blessings. Xx

LP Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 8:30am

Oh wow, it's so true about really listening and the irony about that being chosen as a wedding song! :) That's been my favourite "romantic" movie for so long, to have a handsome hero of your very own! Sad, with a message of hope. Xx

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:00am

...and I have a passion for 'The Carpenters', Isabella and LP... now, there are few blogs there on their lyrics! Still, 'Rainy Days...' x

Eva Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:26am

Hiya,'I will always love you'was originally written by Dolly Parton as a parting gift to Porter Wagner who had a show on TV that she was on for years, he was quite embittered by her departure and the song expresses her feelings and regrets at the pain she caused him, but she knew she had to take a new step in her career to find further fulfilment. It works so beautifully in the bodyguard too. Just thought you might like to know the origin. Peace to everyone.

Molly Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 11:41pm

I think it is quite possible to love someone even if you leave them. Where is the black and white? If I ever loved someone, the chances are I will always love them, even if circumstances make us part xx

Jul Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:29am

Dear Lex. I am shocked you have suicidal thoughts. This is upsetting to know. The news this week has been incomprehensible. It has cast a terrible gloom over me and us all. There are no answers to why this murderer thought he would kill young children en masse. No answers, no excuses, nothing. (I love Abba and will read the words later). Ratg if you are reading this, I am sorry I didn't reply to you yesterday. It was nice to see your name up there. Lex..we are here and won't go away. Julxx

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:02am

Only thoughts, Jules, I promise. Like Isabella, I've no intention to follow through, but I thought it important to be honest, and, as you rightly say, this week has been unbelievably sad... xx

Orangeblossom Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:38am

Hi Lex, thank you for trusting us with your inner feelings & difficulties at this time. Thinking of you as you make sense of these demands & the anger over terror & destruction.

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:03am

"Love never fails," that's what I hold on to, Orangeblossom. Evil can never win in the end, though it can cause irreparable damage and loss as we battle on. I know our hearts have all gone out to those affected this week. Must keep believing in the best in people.

Pablo Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:50am

All I can say is that I wish you all the very best Lex.

On inappropriate songs/lyrics, Steve Wright sunday love songs is guilty of playing totally wrong songs if you listen to some of the lyrics. Not sure if they check out the lyrics before playing them on a 'love songs' program.

LP Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:41am

Yes! I've noticed that too Pablo! Lots of people must feel the same, not the best time heartbreak songs! :)

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:04am

Dear Pablo and LP, isn't this highlighting that we are among the few that really listen? That's the gift of a good friend. I'd like to be a better listener.

Mary Wednesday Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 6:10pm

I've noticed that too. I often have an ironic chuckle

Jane SG Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:51am

Hi Lex, I related to all of today's blog. I hope you have a better day today. X

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:05am

Actually, Jane SG, I'm really excited today as I've processed some of the results of what Moodscope means to the community and I'm really keen to share. I think it will intensify our sense of being in this together. x

Jane SG Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 5:24pm

I look forward to hearing more about this Lex x

Paul Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 8:22am

Hi lex
Hope you are on the up soon. I can relate to your thoughts, we live in Manchester, thankfully we are not directly affected but indirectly really sad. It's very hard to detach my thoughts from this wicked and cruel situation. On a plus side it's heartwarming to listen to all the acts of kindness from the good people of Manchester.
Bad sleep follows bad thoughts and with it getting light so early difficult to get good sleep. I have found wearing a mask over my eyes allows a bit more sleep.

Chin up lex hope to hear you are feeling more positive soon.

Paul

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:07am

Thanks, Paul. The sad truth is that we'll need to keep remembering Manchester to become ever more diligent. But that memory includes the kindness of others alongside the horror of what happened. As for sleep, I can relate to what you've shared. I wish you better sleep.

S Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 8:36am

Dear Lex, thank you so so much for sharing. I am so sorry you have had a difficult week. The news has been so sad. I hope we can be of some support to you as you are to us. I really like this blog- I alwàys consider myself a melody person and not a lyrics person so I really appreciated you walking me through this song which I will now listen to it differently (a bit like when I appreciate someone explaining a painting that I know nothing about!). Sending you a virtual hug. Thank you Lex, Sx

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:08am

Thanks for the hug, Sx. My appreciation for this song, and for our community has become richer and something to cherish. x

Lexi Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 8:41am

I was glad to see your name and your words Lex. I'm struggling too. Finding those things to get us out of the well was a challenge this week but you did it beautifully. Keep singing that new song, Lex. xo Lexi

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:09am

Hi Lexi, I think you're going to like the lyrics for the New Song too - when I share the results from what we shared last Monday. I thought to myself, "There's a song in that!" xo

Frankie Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:18am

BIG hugs Lex. You know how to make contact; we are here for you ... as you have been for us ... The police are asking us to "enjoy" ourselves this weekend; in doing so (if we can) we minimise, however slightly, the impact of this weeks evil and stand together in our belief that love is stronger than hate. On a low weekend for me (ongoing grieving plus friend's funeral yesterday) I am making an extra effort to "enjoy" myself, and will light a candle for those who can't, to join my candle for those affected by the Manchester attack. Wishing everyone peace of mind and heart. Frankie

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:10am

Hi Frankie - your loving kindness goes both ways - but I know you know that. Candles it shall be. Hugs of BIGness too!

LP Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:37am

Hi Lex,

This week has been close to home for us and overwhelming. No surprise that it has been upsetting for compassionate and sensitive people. Our hearts go out. We can't over think it. I had to stop waking up to the news after a bit and start the morning differently, fully aware that those families don't have that choice.

What a beautiful, family-like, strong community and identity Manchester has. Holding each other with a love and strength that can't be taken away. Inspirational.
What a commendable job our emergency and protective services do with limited resources. Improvements will be made on many levels and financial decisions about those services cannot be overlooked. People are speaking more openly. People are standing together.

I once had a good old car sing along to all the Abba hits, just because it felt good!
I guess they had hard times behind the scenes, reflected by the lyrics, in an uplifting way.
There is something very comforting in voices blending together in harmony, giving each other more volume and strength. Now you'll never guess what has just come into my head! It's sooo cheesy, but hey, when did I ever shy away from that? :) Remember this?

Sing, sing a song!
Make it simple to last the whole day long!
Don't worry that it's not good enough,
For anyone else to hear!
Just sing.....sing a song!

I'm smiling, a little bit of cheese goes a long way!
Thanks for all of your blogs Lex. Things aren't always ok and it's good that we can share it all here.

Love and light to you Lex, all Moodscopers, Manchester and beyond. LPxxx

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:11am

The Carpenters are the best cheese, LP - I'll have some of them any time, even if I'm a bit crackers sometimes! xxx

LP Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:53pm

Cheese and framers! :) yum! :) xx

LP Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:58pm

That was supposed to say crackers!

Bev Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:38am

What a good post , id never listened to those words so closely before even tho I love ABBA music...... I totally agree , its been a difficult week for many (im from north west uk)- dark news stories and for me difficult issues at home as well . My mood has taken a nose dive and its hard sometimes to pull up again and see the positives. The post reminded me of the power of music tho and the need to find uplifting lyrics when down.

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:13am

...and a good friend, Bev. May you find the right shoulder to cry on, if you need one. I rather fancy a shared-shoulder at Moodscope so that we can all deal with the enormity of this week... not so that we may 'move on' but rather so that we may express solidarity.

Carol Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 11:36am

artners. See details

S

Q

Lyrics290 Comments

The Sound of Silence

Simon and Garfunkel

 

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming

And the sign said, "The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence

This song for me is so poignant and meaningful it's very deep hits my soul. The sound of silence for me that's the black clouds that hang over me at my deepest depression. The sound of silence is something that at times want to seek . My black inner thoughts. Words of the prophets for me is my family and friends trying to give me sense a reasoning.
I'm sat here not sure if I'm happy about that .. I've tried what 2 weeks ago to seek that silence stop the torment I feel not a good place to be in . My neon lights are for me that glimmer of things to be better a light in the dark .
It's weird how each individual can interperate songs to their meanings ..each person sees and hears something different. I hope that we all hear the encouragement and hope through them too .
Lex thankyou for sharing your song hope you always try to keep strong xx

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 12:32pm

This is pure magic, Carol - deep magic. Thank you for sharing so deeply... (and I love that song too.) x x

Mary Wednesday Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 6:13pm

Hello darkness my old friend. This is so poignant for me.

Lexi Sun, May 28th 2017 @ 1:42pm

I will always stop and listen to that song. So poignant indeed.

Tutti Frutti Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 1:54pm

Hi Lex
I am sorry you have been feeling so awful this week. Although I do like your usual cheerful practical blogs, I am pleased you felt able to open up today and ask for some support here. So hang in there and remember that we are thinking of you and sending virtual hugs.

Thanks for reminding me of that song. I used to sing along with ABBA a lot when driving to work as a teacher in my early 20s. The teaching really didn't work out and I had a pretty horrible time. Looking back on it I suffered mild depression for much of the time, so that song was one I really identified with. Thankfully I changed to a career I was more suited to many years ago which although obviously wasn't the end of my mental health issues but at least removed one trigger. Nice to go back to the song though.
Love and hugs TF xoxo

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:08pm

Thanks for the love, the hugs, and the support, Tutti Fruity... might be up for some Mamma Mia this weekend - always works good magic xoxo

Marmaladegirl Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 5:37pm

Hi Lex - That's my definition of depression. Against all the laws of Nature, one has an unnatural desire not to live any more, for it to end, just to STOP. I too, do not tell people cos they get in a panic (even angry!) It's not like I'm going to DO anything about it - that's the worst of it. I have two children and therefore I have to stay alive, dammit! I know I'm very depressed when I start to fantasise about how old I will have to be for my children to be OK. I have a day-dream of my sixtieth birthday party where I treat myself to a trip to Dignitas... However, when I am no longer ill, I realise that I would regret it; it was just the illness talking. I hope the darkness is lifting a bit for you. With me every time it returns, my brain seems to go to default mode (want to die) that bit quicker. It has learnt the route too well. That worries me about heading into old age with depression (look at dear Sally Brampton). I am interested in re-training my brain. I understand it has great plasticity and I can teach it NOT to go down its usual path... Is that Neuro Linguistic Programming? On another note: Hey, isn't life full of surprises? I know the tune of Chiquitita so well but have never really listened to the words. Loved 'em. Spot on. Thank you! Keep singing along Lex. MG x

Mary Wednesday Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 6:32pm

Look out on Wednesday for my blog. We seem to have a theme going on among us in that we'd just - quite like it to all - stop. Is that a symptom of our illness I wonder?

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:10pm

Hi Marmaladegirl and Mary Wednesday! What you said, Marmaladegirl makes so much sense to me. Was thinking about writing a blog this afternoon on being a Neuro Plastic Surgeon, so I'll take your encouragement as a nudge in the right direction x

Marmaladegirl Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:53pm

Mary and Lex - I look forward (as always!) to reading what you have to say, Mary on Weds and Lex when you have written about being a Neuro Plastic Surgeon...! MG

A View from the Far Side Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 5:56pm

Hey Lex, so many people think of suicide, you're not alone. In fact if more people admitted to it, it would lose a lot of its power to scare us - fleeting thoughts of suicide are part of the human condition. Rather than thinking of suicide generally I've just wanted to get on a plane and fly away somewhere hot where I can lie on a beach and do nothing in my worst times. But I'd always take me with me! Sending hugs and love. You are such a giver - thank you for opening up another rich seam of conversation with your openness and clarity. Looking forward to hearing about your results.

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:12pm

Hi AVftFS! I think you've just clarified something really important for me: it's a desire to escape. And, with Mary above, I sense that need to press 'Stop' or at least 'Pause'. Very helpful, thank you.

Molly Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 6:53pm

Great blog Lex, and that is one of my favourite Abba songs. I have taken notice of the lyrics a bit when listening to it, but when they are written down, they seem more clear. I find that Meat Loaf helps me (not everyone's cup of tea) but the 'aggression' and passion and lyrics seem to comfort me even when I am depressed. I used to love sad songs, but I find them too painful to listen to now unless I am really in the right mood.

I just wanted to mention that I have replied to some other comments on Leah's 'Labels' blog mainly from AVFTFS - as I am not sure if people go back to previous blogs.

Special thanks to RATG for your comment as well.

Suicide thoughts, Lex, I can relate to, I wouldn't do it either, but sometimes I want to admit, like you, that this is how bad I was feeling. Mainly I find people will see it as attention seeking (so what if it is, it is admitting we have a problem) but I must admit, after wanting to publicise mental health, I am starting to wonder if there is any point, and stick with people who understand, such as Moodscopers....and I do realise that everyone are at different points in their lives, as RATG explained so well.

I also agree with comments here about avoiding world news, as however sad some things are, and however much we care, we need to look after ourselves and if we let these things affect us too much, we are not really helping anyone, just depressing ourselves further. Molly xx

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:13pm

Thanks, Molly. I love a bit of Meatloaf... "Life sucks, and I want my money back!" eh? xx

Molly Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 7:33pm

Life is a lemon !! :-) xx

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:12pm

Oh yeah!

Lex Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:15pm

https://youtu.be/EnHyB9KzQvs

Molly Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 11:16pm

Prefer 'Life sucks' really :-)

Molly Sun, May 28th 2017 @ 2:50am

Thank you for sharing the link Lex, actually made me listen to it again, great music, just brilliance - I had forgotten how to play music, you started me off - no chance of sleep for me tonight then, whilst I now listen to all his other songs that I love :-)

Molly Sun, May 28th 2017 @ 2:54am

Objects in the Rear View Mirror - makes me cry though so I am not sure if that is a good thing....oh sod it, I love the music.

A View from the Far Side Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 9:41pm

Guys, I'm a Mary too, Mary Cecilia. And I don't feel like I'm on the far side when I'm talking with you, I feel as though I'm finding my way back. Lex, where would you like to escape to? I'd like to go to Canada, hike in the mountains and swim in sparkling blue water, white-water rafting, with my two children laughing and joking by my side.

Anonymous Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 10:35pm

Hi Lex. Just like bluebells, we need shade as well as
light to thrive. Fond thoughts.

Molly Sat, May 27th 2017 @ 11:13pm

I think my comments were on yesterday's post rather than the one before, gosh I can get confused with this site at times.

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