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How do you receive the world? Thursday March 19, 2015

"Every square centimetre of your skin contains around 15 receptors for pressure. There are six sensors for cold and one for warmth. But one square centimetre of skin has 200 receptors for pain."

What can we take from these facts? - That we are hard wired for 'pain' and feel the cold more! Not a great thing for humans with mental health challenges!

To balance our 'senses' and also do more 'inscaping' rather than escaping, what are we doing to care for, have compassion for and nurture ourselves?

Have you reached the point where you know that it is no longer 'selfish' to care for yourself – simply to ensure you have enough resilience (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) to live your own life. It then can be possible to serve other people's lives living interdependently and thus serving each other when required.

How many of us still feel it is selfish to take time out for ourselves, to be mindful, to soak in a bath, to receive a massage, to sit on a beach/mountain, to read without need, to walk and talk, or to simply listen to the birds?

How many of us are lost in the 'busyness' of life, which often masquerades as business, addicted to 'doing', rather than 'being'. We almost forget about ourselves and thus avoid the challenges that sit in our subconscious and drain us? We even do it purposefully to 'escape' our own lives, keeping our time and attention fully occupied which can feel even worse when we come back home and know it's still the same!

How receptive is your mind (your aerial of life) for what you need and want in life? Is it 'open/tuned' for positivity?

I know when my depression bites my view of the world alters dramatically, yet the world is the same as it was yesterday or last week.

It is certainly true that what we look for we find.

What do you look for in people or within yourself?

If you look for trust – you'll find it.

If you look for mistrust – you'll find it.

If you are struggling now, you may find that choosing to be aware of some positive small thing today about your life, being kind to yourself and looking for the good, may help the climb out of darkness.

Find some of that self-love to lessen the pain today.

A Moodscope member.

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Rupert Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 8:31am

Good blog Les. I think you are right - in a sense we are all driven by guilt arent we ?In some cases it drives us to do things but in others it has the opposite effect and we shy away from the issue. For me I can never work out whether the pracice of mindfulness is a healthy one or is simply another way of shying away from issues and avoiding them by putting them outside our orbit of thought. Rupert

Julia Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 9:02am

Your blogs always set me up for the day Les. I find words in them which somehow make me feel better about doing what I have to that day.Today for example, I am having a lunch with French neighbours. Yesterday I was looking forward to it (I felt good) but today I woke up feeling low and guess what nothing has changed except my mood and my perception of what this lunch will be like for me. I don't want to go! However reading your blog helps me to see the lunch in the same light I saw it yesterday.

Rupert Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 9:29am

Julia snap! I always try and ignore what I am thinking when I wake up as you can guarantee that it is negative. Same applied to me about going to the theatre on Tuesday.I was looking forward to it on Monday evening but come Tuesday morning I was dead against it. Are your best thoughts in the evening can I ask?

Suzy Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 9:50am

Reeeeeally like this. Thanks Les.

Julia Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 10:18am

Hello Rupert. Mornings are very negative for me too. However some evenings can be as well! I tend to predict in my mind in the evenings what sort of day I will have the following day. So if I have had a good day, I can be quite negative that evening, telling myself that I hardly ever have 2 good days in a row so tomorrow won't be good! My moods seem to be dictated by what sort of sleep I have each night. However even if it's a bad night, by 11am ish the next morning I can feel brighter than first thing. It could be the coffee. I hope the theatre was enjoyable for you and not too much of a strain. At least you don't have to talk to people while the play is on. And today at least I can hide behind my poor French. But I still wish I didn't have to socialise over a jolly lunch.. Oh dear.

Anonymous Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 10:28am

Crikey...are we related??!! I am exactly the same. I help arrange things to do then when it comes to the event, I really don't want to go and can't face it on the day. I have even had to say I feel sick to get out of going. Next week it's huge...trip to London to the theatre...I know I will enjoy it. I know it will be a good day out...but I'm already dreading the train journey, the tube and the tiredness I know I will feel that evening and the trip home...aargh! Karen

Anonymous Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 10:40am

Sorry, that reply was for Rupert and Julia :)

Anonymous Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 10:42am

Les, thank you for an excellent blog today. Will try to look for the good and not the bad today. Karen

Julia Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 11:11am

Thank you Karen..and Rupert! I was just thinking (over thinking) after I replied to Rupert, mainly about me, that honestly there are so many awful things going on in the world, how on earth can I really feel like I do about a nice lunch in the heart of the French countryside! So I was very pleased to get your reply Karen. We are soul sisters and brother.

Anonymous Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 12:08pm

Brilliant as ever Les - but no, can't do this at the moment - even though the sun is shining and the sky is blue ... really struggling ... Frankie

Anonymous Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 12:53pm

I hears ya m'lady. But your power of intention is there and so the moment will come when that WILL translate from the mind to the body. That, in turn, will cause the sun to break through those clouds. Even if there is a total eclipse of the sun! ;o)
Thinking of you

Anonymous Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 1:19pm

Thank-you Su; the eclipse comment has made me smile ...
Thank-you for reaching out

Julia Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 1:41pm

I am sorry to hear you are struggling Frankie. I was hoping the meeting with your boss had gone well the other day. xx

Anonymous Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 2:04pm

Thank-you Julia; I've not yet had the meeting with boss; am waiting for letter from physio before I go; however I did have a good "off the record" meeting with Deputy which went well; Head of Dept has also now seen for himself that I am struggling (I did tell him back in January); I am feeling very anxious and vulnerable and tearful; probably over-reacting ... Thank-you for your concern and support which I really appreciate.
Frankie xx

Julia Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 3:00pm

No one likes to feel vulnerable. It's not right that capable people like you Frankie find themselves in this position. It's the circumstances in which you work that are to blame, not you. When you are in the middle of it, it's difficult to see but I realised after I finished that dreadful job I write about a lot,a year or so afterwards, how damaging the work culture was and yet I tried so hard to fit in and succeed. I blamed my inadequacies at the time and felt weak for not thriving there. So good luck and you are not over reacting. I am sure of that.

Anonymous Thu, Mar 19th 2015 @ 4:54pm

Thanks Julia;

Anonymous Fri, Mar 20th 2015 @ 1:08am

Despite my depression, which I've been aware of for almost 20 years, I have until recently been an extremely positive person. Today I'm finding it spectacularly tough to remain positive. I always, always look for the best in people. I'm so angry at the world for not reflecting my positivity back at me for longer than just enough to get my hopes up before dashing them. Then again, it looks like being negative hasn't helped much either. I don't know what to do any more. I don't even know how to separate the crushing sadness about my bad luck in finding a life partner from the horrible black feelings of my depression. Please God, turn my fortunes around before I give up entirely.

Julia Fri, Mar 20th 2015 @ 8:14am

Oh dear your poor thing Anon. You sound so defeated and crushed. I am not quite sure what you mean when you write about your life partner. Can you explain please? I am not a professional so am only trying to help as a fellow Moodscoper. Maybe you would like to write a blog for Caroline? It dos help enormously to see ones thoughts and experiences out there on the screen and you would be helping others too. You can be whatever name you like or Anon. You can contact Caroline here at this email address.

Anonymous Fri, Mar 20th 2015 @ 10:27am

Thanks Julia. Yes, I suppose I do feel defeated. As well as aggrieved that all my positivity has got me nowhere. The lack of a life partner is really getting me down. I genuinely enjoy spending time alone, but I wish I had a companion - someone who I could cherish and who would cherish me. I've had my heart broken twice in the last 12 months (though both times I should never really have got as emotionally attached as I did), and I just can't seem to bounce back. I just wish I could find somebody with whom there is a mutual attraction. I am so tired of my love only going one way.

I'm not sure if I would be any good at writing a blog, but I could certainly have a go.

Julia Fri, Mar 20th 2015 @ 10:45am

I hope you feel a bit better this morning. I noticed you were writing in the early hours which is always the loneliest time.
I think a blog about finding a partner would be different and would resonate with many people on Moodscope. I am sure many depressed people find it very hard finding the right person. I always imagine writing a description of myself on a matchmaking site and if I was honest I would have to say that I suffer from low moods. It would probably put people off as most of the posts specify someone with a sense of humour. Oh well, it would be interesting to hear from you again. Do think about writing a blog!!

Les Fri, Mar 20th 2015 @ 3:00pm

HI Anon

Possibly the real challenge that until you love yourself can others feel that you can love them?

You can only love others as much as you love yourself..........

So as always........for all of is the work on ourselves that is crucial and which is of course the most challenging.........

We attract what we give out.

It looks from what you said that you became emotionally attached when you actually knew you should not. You were seeking comfort in someone else - who then possibly had to take your own darkness on and attempt to bring light? That is co-dependent.....i.e. you were relaying on them....that can never work.

To be truthful.........they did not break your broke your own by hoping and even 'grabbing' at something that was not there.

There is no easy way to say such things........yet in my experience of working with people...the quicker you take responsibility for your own emotions - the quicker you will find balance and light.

So if not having a 'life partner' is truly getting you down....then turn that emotion into balancing you can actually find a life partner who wants you, as much as you want them.

If people help you due to the state you are in......and then you attempt to 'want them' completely change the spirit of the relationship.....they are helping someone who is they feel safe. If you then attempt to create a relationship from break that trust...........and thus break your own heart.

Its tough stuff this emotional life.........yet the only person we can change is......ourself.

Mutual attraction is when two people who are OK and balanced about themselves 'want to' spend time with each other - not 'need to'.

As soon as there is a need...........its negative.

I have made that same mistake in the past when I was depressed and made things worse.

Les Fri, Mar 20th 2015 @ 3:52pm

Hi Rupert

There SO much research about Mindfulness and its benefits.

Even the IQ world would say there are no doubts.

In effect it alters the connections in the brain rather than simply to 'think' of something to avoid thinking about what you do not want to think about!

Do a Google search and seek your own confirmation........

Libby Fri, Mar 20th 2015 @ 8:57pm

Another great blog, Les. I'll share it with my support group.

Caroline Ashcroft Sat, Mar 21st 2015 @ 4:02pm

Hi there, Julia's right, it does help to write things down. I'd love to receive a blog from you as Julia is also right when she says there are many other people in the same position. I think it would be an interesting subject to explore. I do hope you find someone who will cherish you. Caroline

Anonymous Sun, Mar 22nd 2015 @ 10:04pm

Thank you for your kind words, Caroline. I'll have a go at writing something, and if it looks reasonable I'll e-mail it over to you. Thank you again.

Anonymous Sun, Mar 22nd 2015 @ 10:13pm

Thank you Julia. Yes, not only are the small hours the loneliest, I had also had a drink that evening, which always heightens the emotions. I'd been with friends, so it was a happy and sociable evening. I just got stuck in a cycle of black thoughts once we'd headed off to our respective homes.

Les, thank you for the response. I don't think my problem is that I don't love myself enough. I am not looking for someone to rescue me from my depression - I feel uncomfortable with the whole idea of having someone run around after me in this way. I just wish I had somebody to walk through life with me as a companion, an equal.

However, I think you're spot on (certainly with the most recent man) that I was grabbing in desperation for something that was never there.

Thanks again for responding. I do appreciate it.

Julia Mon, Mar 23rd 2015 @ 1:06pm

Good. Having a drink is lovely at the time! I do find it affects my sleep though annoyingly. Please consider writing a blog about finding a partner or any subject you wish. You write very well. In any event if ever you have dark thoughts again, just write to mood scope like you did in the early hours of 20 March. There will always be someone who will read it and think the same as you.

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