Moodscope's blog

30

June


My Moodscope return. Monday June 30, 2014

I've been away from Moodscope
I've been away from me.
I've been in a dark place
I have been all at sea.

Twenty three years of depression,
A broken marriage in there too.
Jobs I had to leave,
Now the funds are too few.

Divorce has taken its toll,
I 'lost' my daughter as well.
My son is still with me,
He makes my full heart swell.

For the last eight weeks I've hidden,
For the last two months I've closed.
I've stopped communicating out,
I'd stopped doing what I proposed.

I am now self employed,
So it affects my whole life.
I sit inside and hide,
I watch all the stressful strife.

I stopped writing my blogs,
For the Moodscope family.
I stopped reading the comments,
That help some readers be free.

I had to stay with friends,
So I'd feel safe enough each day.
To have a human conversation,
To get me through some way.

Each morning I'd wake with fear,
Each morning there it was dark in June.
And if I lay too long,
Self harm was in the room!

I'd seen it all before,
Almost each year since ninety one.
Why am I here again,
Why have I just my son?

I've lost half a stone,
I was not eating well.
Just milk and cereal.
Unless I stay in Motherwell.

My home is in Moray,
three and a half hours away.
I have to return each week
To ensure the grass is 'wee'.

Initially when I returned,
It would take three days to cut.
I wasn't safe outside,
This was a dark, dark rut.

I'm moving more again now,
But still not free to see.
That each day has its options,
Each day is up to me.

I have difficulty being at peace,
With what I can do each day.
I still think I should do more,
That inner voice hold sway.

Even although I do know,
That each year I've survived.
Each time this happens,
I don't think I'll revive.

And then I think I've had enough,
I cannot fight through again.
This really cannot be back again,
I really am insane.

But here I am coming 'up',
To face life once again.
I write again to Moodscope,
I'll open up the pain.

So my Moodscope buddies,
How are you doing in life?
I may even read the comments,
There really could be life.

How do we help each other,
How do we deal with life?
These mental health challenges,
Are really far too rife.

Les
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

G Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 2:31am

Hi Les, when I thought I couldn't live another day during the torturous divorce and a year after the divorce, here I am, feeling grateful that I have survived, and those horrible days are behind me.
I do somewhat fear another "comeback" of the depression, but I am ready to face it and knowing no matter how difficult it is to endure each second of suffering, I will live on (with the help of my trustful anti-depressants).
You still have your son, you will find happiness by treasuring him and caring for him.
Please do write again! I miss your writing. First comment because I'm from Asia and see this post published.

Take care.

Silvia A Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 4:58am

I miss your blogs. Second comment because I'm from South America and see this post published. Lex, I am missing you, too.

minnie Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 7:21am

Thank you for sharing your poem. Your honesty is comforting xx

Mary Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 8:00am

Hello Les, Welcome back. Love your poem, love your sharing of yourself with us. Huge hugs. I know it's not the same as actually having friends in the room, but the Moodscope community really does offer a warm, accepting and supportive forum for you (all of us). Bless you Les. You will get better and come out of this. Best wishes for repairing/renewing your family relationships.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 8:37am

I wondered where you'd gone. And now you're BACK! Yahoo! We each have this viscious monster to fight but it is a little easier to do it together. Stay. When nothing else works for me I find a line from Desiderata helps, "...and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should". It was on the wall in my mum's bedroom where I would dry my hair as a kid. School was bringing me down and this poem renewed me every Sunday evening. My low patch has been here for ages and I need to do more. I'll start my daily scores again if you do too... Welcome back Les! Love from the room above the garage x. p.s. hello Marydoll, how is today?

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 9:05am

"How do we deal with life?" How indeed ... you have the answers within you Les, as your wonderful writing shows ... Welcome back; I've been wondering about your "silence". I think room above the garage is right - it is a little easier to do it together so stay with us (and part of that request is for selfish reasons on my part!). If I could, I would accompany you on a walk in nature - no words, just the sights, the sounds, the smells, a flask of coffee and a sticky bun for half-way (the stickier, the better), and the knowledge you are not alone. Maybe you could do one anyway and write about it for us ... thinking about you, lots, and wishing you loads of luck and many blessings. Frankie. P.S. Mine's a Belgian bun please!

SallyAnn Hay Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 9:50am

Dear Les,
Your poem has moved me greatly and my heart goes out to you. I heard my psychiatrist say "I will get you better". I didn't believe anybody could get me better but a little part of me hung onto that and then one day the clouds lifted again.

Being "in control" helps me to stay well - as organised, as I can be with daily life and home. Not pushing myself; setting goals that are achievable. If they don't get done there's always tomorrow. Maybe someone could mow the lawn for you? The cost of the petrol would balance the cost of the lawn mowing. Having it done by someone for a while could take away the nagging worry.

There are no oughts and shoulds, just do your best. The clouds will lift.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 10:42am

Dear Les, Welcome back. It's so nice to hear from you. There are 2 quotes I want to share with you that have helped me:

"If you're going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill

"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise" - Victor Hugo.

All the best x

lel Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 1:16pm

Dear Les
We have missed you. You regularly contribute and you ability to write a rhyming poem well outperforms my efforts at rhyme. I am Scottish. Are you (Moray, Motherwell). I do sometimes feel that the culture I grew up in "don't blow your own trumpet " has given me a distinct aversion to believing in me
. Back to you. Loss of marriage - I have lost two including a life that was like a dream - simply due to depression and anxiety and not being kind to myself. Anyway lovely to hear from you. Wish I could be there to give you a hug, a cup of tea and do some silliness. Room above the garage, good to hear from you as well! Lesley

Melanie Lowndes Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 2:37pm

Dear Les, Welcome back - so good (and moving) to read your poem. lots of love and take care of yourself, Melanie

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 2:48pm

Hi Lesley. I have not written on Moodscope for a very long time either. I receive updates but never bother to log in both because I have experienced my first remission or recovery and because I didn't feel Moodscope helped me however your post inspired me to write to you and log in:) Im glad you have returned and feel compelled to write, I write poetry too:) I suffered from depression for the last 30 years since age seven but the last 15 years has been much worse. All I can say is it was persistent daily severe torturous hell for me and I dont know how I have stayed alive. 2 years ago I started seeing a naturopath as I was at the end of my rope and had lost all hope. I had read a book ''your drug may be your problem'' by dr.peter breggin which convinced me to try weaning off the meds. It proved to be the right first step for me as the meds were making me worse despite having tried so many of them. They prevented me from acessing my emotions and exacerbated symptoms leading to self harm. I started to change my diet slowly with the help of the n path and very reluctantly as food (and sleep) were great basic comforts for me in my inner hell. I started to take omega 3, B vitamins, Zinc and Primrose as well as had accupuncture and the n path had an h our to listen to me with compassion and patience each visit. I did not realize my body was changing. i finally was able to tell my mom how I felt about her abusive boyfriends being in our lives which took a huge weight off my shoulders. The last step was to surrender my life to the Universe and say I give my life to you, I relinquish control, I will accept whatever comes to me and see everything as a lesson-and I let go, and so it began. I woke up one day last fall and was not depressed anymore seemingly "just like that" but it was a long process actually. Finally I could see and experience the small joys in life and colors popped out all around me. My sleeping habits changed from 15 hours a day to 6 hours and I actually had energy and my clothes were loose. I had lost 35 pounds without even realizing it or trying. I began to also investigate alternative treatments for depression and PTSD as well as other ailments through the encouragment of a friend. I encourage you to watch the jungle prescription on youtube which stars a local Doctor from my city. I dont know if this alternative treatment will work but i know it will do ''something''. I will be realzing my dream and penchant for adventure travel and am leaving for the Amazon in Peru tomorrow! I will go to a retreat center for this ancient amazonian medicne for 12 days then backpack for 31 days. If you want to follow my travel blog please let me know and I will give you the address. I hope I can be an inspiration for you:) M

GreenJean Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 3:02pm

Hi Les so good to have you back from that very dark place into the light of Moodscope again. Your poem is so inspired and a real feeling and emotion that can only truly be felt by those who have been on a similar unfortunate journey. Thanks for being so honest and descriptive & if it's any help & you have contact with a psychiatrist or good GP ask if they may have considered Bipolar 2 disorder. After 38 years I have been diagnosed after being treated for depression on & off for 38 years and now I'm on a small dose of mood leveller I am just so much better and just can't believe the difference - nor can my family & friends. I hadf not even heard of it & apparently it's only been recognised for about 10 years and even some GPs have not heard of it but it makes so much sense now I know why some antidepressants seemed to make me worse. Anyway Les whatever befalls us thank God we have fellow Moodscopers like you

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 3:23pm

Dear Les
This might sound as if I haven't clue about what you are talking about, but I have a suggestion that works for many. There are Al-anon groups in Moray. There may be one near you. If matters little whether you have relatives or friends affected by alcohol but the groups are very supportive and if you can be brave enough to go to a meeting near your home, you will understand why I suggested you go there. I think most of us can identify with you, and yes, please keep jotting lines down. If only a line a day and if not on moodscope then on a piece of paper and drop it in a box. One day you can open the box and use it to write your story or to follow your timeline.

heather Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 3:34pm

That walk with Frankie sounds quite divine !
Les, I am fairly new to Moodscope and my first memories of those who were not Anon were the blogs by Yourself and Lex who wrote such wonderful highly intelligent and insightful pieces - and then you both disappeared. I was so shocked when I came to the bottom of your poem to find it was you, but you have written to us straight from the heart and we all feel for you from the bottom of our hearts. You know the answers, Les, better than I do. Someone mentioned a line from the Desiderata (which I have pinned up in my toilet!) and one of the lines I cling to is "Many fears are borne of fatigue and loneliness". Sending my love to you Les, and a warm hug. Heather x

heather Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 3:41pm

?GreenJean - are you able to tell us what this mood leveller is called, please. I am on an old fashioned leveller called Lithium for 30years which has done me well but I may have to come of it for physical reasons and would be interested to know what this fairly new treatment is ?

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 4:18pm

I'm cold and I think I need to get my blood moving. Coffee, buns and no talking? I think I may love you all. Love from the room above the garage (who must sign up to something, somewhere to stop having to type this not well thought out name!).

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 4:21pm

Loving the Winston Churchill quote! Thank you. Love room...

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 4:23pm

Had a little heart swell to read that! I thank you! Love room...

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 4:34pm

Les, I was rushing earlier and didn't stop to say that I know it will have taken a lot not only to get yourself to a place to write this post but also to uncover yourself and your feelings to us all. And you did. Today you moved forward again. Today you are here. And so are we.

p.s. Lex, we are saving you a fudge doughnut.

Love from the room above the garage.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 5:21pm

Les,

It is good to hear from you again. It seems that we are this community of the disappeared at times. We are able to bind ourselves to Moodscope on our way down and even more so on our way up. It is at the bottom that we finally and devastatingly, disconnect from our most anonymous and sometimes most intimate community. Your daughter is no more "lost" to you then you were "lost" to us. Yes an absence and a painful one...but not permanent. Simply one of unknown duration. I will take comfort in your reappearance as a sign that you are on your way up again my friend. Take heart and stay strong. We miss you when you are gone and we celebrate your return as the prodigal son.

lel Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 5:47pm

Do you mail fudge doughnuts?!! I baked a lovely Dorset Apple cake today - first time I had done it and it worked. It took my mind off all the ideas I have. I feel like an ideas factory but without a person to launch projects with. I would like to set up a community café which is welcoming and sustains itself economically. MultiCulti - to embrace different cultures and languages. Am in Berkshire, UK, Anybody near me?

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 8:30pm

Les, a real touching poem. I am glad you are back and are doing better. Neil

Les Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 8:42pm

Thank You

To all my Moodscope buddies,
I wish to write in thanks.
I opened up once more,
In order to be frank.

To G. from Asia and Frankie too,
To Melanie Lowndes and Silvia A.,
To Room Above the garage,
And Sally Ann Hay.

To Minnie and Mary,
And Lesley and Heather,
You surely all,
Brighten my weather.

To the Anonymous quartet,
Of Amazonian healing,
Quotes of Churchill,
A prodigal word and Al Anon revealing.

So many hearts,
Opening up to be,
In there helping,
Such caring from thee.

Lesley and Green Jean,
Neil contributing too,
By offering feelings,
We help 'me' and you.

Such a rich group,
So many thoughts,
Just as Sally Ann states,
There are no 'oughts'.

I'll go that that walk Frankie,
And I'll promise too,
To do my Moodscope daily,
Room Above - thanks to you.

To have such people out there,
To receive such comments back,
Although I may not be right yet,
Good support I shall not lack.

Thank you once again,
From a struggling guy,
I'll go sit down now,
And have a comforting sigh.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 9:14pm

What a talented guy to write such beautiful words that touch so many of us. Very best wishes that tomorrow will be a better day

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 9:49pm

Great idea! I've never mailed a fudge doughnut before but if it helps anyone I will! :-D

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 10:04pm

I did my score today for the first time in a long time. So, thank you for the inspiration. I hope you sleep soon and soundly. Goodnight you lot. Love from the room above the garage.

Caroline Ashcroft Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 10:11pm

Les, absolutely brilliant. You definitely have a talent for writing poems. So good to have to back.

heather Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 10:23pm

Les, just a thought on reading your first poem again. Do your mood swings each year come around the same time ? Love Heather x

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 10:40pm

Ahh Les, I'm not sure what touched me more, your original post or the poem down here. I've been a wondering where you have been. Welcome back good sir! I can only imagine the emotional energy expended today - that second poem alone, without the beauteous comments and welcome - must surely have taken it out of you, in a good way of course but a lot of emotion eh? Ah. Hopes you can rest up some tomorrow. A hearty well done. We've just got to find that Lex now... One found, one to go...

RuthyToothy Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 11:53pm

I live in Moray too, am lacking in local friends and support, and would be happy to meet up for coffee and a sticky bun if you fancy it at some point? I'd probably have my nearly-5-year-old son in tow, but we may find him to be a useful ice breaker! The Moodscope blog admins should be able to get my email address from this comment, and I am happy for them to pass it on to you if you would like.

I also wonder whether you know about Moray Mental Health? I attended a few of their coffee & natter type events before my son was born and found them to be a welcoming and understanding bunch. Only online info I could find was from a website for The Oaks, who describe MMH as follows:-

* A registered charity founded by a group of people with a common interest in mental health issues - those with personal experience, carers, professionals and enlightened lay people.

* MMH works to improve services and conditions for the mentally ill in Moray, aiming to have representatives on various committees concerned with mental health issues.

Moray Mental Health
Fassifern, Seafield Crescent
Elgin, IV30 1RE

Les Tue, Jul 1st 2014 @ 12:07am

Hi Heather

They used to be in winter and I was checked out for SAD - that was after situational depression - but now I relate them more to my jar filling up with 'stuff' and then reaching tipping point - although some would say bipolar. I'll check out this bi-polar 2 comment above.

Thanks for your 'thinking and concern'. Les x

Anonymous Tue, Jul 1st 2014 @ 1:52am

So glad you are getting better. It encourages me to know that when i am down its not forever.
Question??? Whst country is Moray in???
Wouldnt it be great if our messages could speak out in the accents we all have

Anonymous Tue, Jul 1st 2014 @ 2:21am

Hi Les, I've been connected to Moodscope since 2011, and have never posted. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (19 years now); two divorces and many years single parenting, and working (whilst impaired by my [hidden to society] illness). Just now having been made redundant, facing further financial distress. I despair at ever getting better, though having been 'trying so hard' to get better for so long.. and find it hard to accept that 'not much gets done in a day'... compared to the energetic, accomplished person I was. I have really liked all your blogs, and found them inspiring. I wish you all the very best and hope you continue to provide us with your wisdom. Lynne (from Melbourne, Australia).

Anonymous Tue, Jul 1st 2014 @ 6:52am

Dear fellow tunneler in the dark, I know from your writing that you have courage. I wish you comfort as well. In case it might be of use to you, I report that it does me good even on my most overcast days just to spend a minute--a literal minute: I set the timer--finishing the sentence, "I am grateful . . ." Sometimes all that comes to mind at first is "I am grateful it isn't worse," or "I am grateful to have wit enough left to be grateful for anything," or "I am grateful nobody belonging to me has a brain tumor." More often I think of small, good things--"I am grateful for the little cat sleeping at my feet," "I am grateful there is more fresh juice," or "I am grateful for the daily sight of white birds over the marsh." Sometimes when I start I think I can't fill a minute--but I (am grateful to find) I always can, and it's always a small but real help. Sometimes I think the trick to surviving depression is learning how, a minute a time, to choose where we fix our attention. All good to you, Les. May light rain on your head. Jo Harry

Anonymous Tue, Jul 1st 2014 @ 9:59am

Big "virtual hug". Little steps... Don't let the bastard (depression) win!
Sue C

Les Tue, Jul 1st 2014 @ 10:44am

Moray is in the north of Scotland near Inverness.

Aye - messages with accents would be interesting...

Les Tue, Jul 1st 2014 @ 11:23am

Hi Lynne

Thanks for that and sorry to hear of your story.

I personally, after being a successful local government Chief Executive and moving as people thoughts it was the stress, find no daily routine and no ongoing working community probably the biggest hurdle to being 'OK'.

So just having been made redundant will be tough......

And for sure - we beat ourselves up with - what have I done today?

My Godmother used to call me before 1000 each day and wait until she heard the shower before she would ring off - thus making sure I was up and moving.

How do we feel OK about ourselves is the key and when we measure 'us' against the past - it often doesn't help.

It's hard enough measuring ourselves against others - especially if we have done well in the past - cars / houses / holidays - yet to measure ourselves against ourselves and thus looking back - tough!

The comment below about the 1 minutes from Jo Harry - is a wise one - I have a wee book (which I haven't been using recently) and I write 5 things I am grateful for each day just as I go to sleep - to thus 'finish' the day with positive stuff in my head.

You have done very well to hide your illness from your work colleagues - great strength there!

Who can you be open with to support you tho?

If you have more time now - how can you best use it?

Who can you connect with?

Can you write a blog?

By helping others we always help ourself.

Go well kind lady - and maybe do the wise exercise in the comment below from Jo Harry...........

Les x

Anonymous Tue, Jul 1st 2014 @ 4:40pm

Dear Leslie. Your words went straight into my heart. Thank you for sharing this.
Dear M. "The last step" how you call it, seems to be an important point. Surrender my life to the Universe, not wanting to control it anymore, accept whatever is there. In my long dark travel over the last more than 30 years, this is what always brings me back into the actual moment. I am learning this attitude for some years now and slowly I get faster to overcome the little monsters inside of me. 15 years ago, I started daily meditation. This is how I survived. Preventing me from getting insane. When I realized, about 10 years ago, that I suffer from a heavy anxiety disorder, I tried many things. Finally, a spiritual teacher, an old woman, Renée Bonanomi, taught me a more or less crazy method: She said, feelings are our mental children. Produced from our body-mind-system. They want to be seen, heard, loved. If there is a feeling overwhelming you, look at it at once - as if you were taking care of your crying baby, at once, you wouldn't let it cry for hours, no? Sit a moment in calmness and be with it. Try to see where it sits in your body, how it moves, what colour it has, how does it look like, what face would it have if you would give it a face. Acknowledge that it is there. Then embrace it and tear it next to your heart, or into your heart, as if you would do with the crying baby. Comfort it. And stay like this for a little while, it changes.
Yes, I know, it sounds a bit crazy. But it worked with me. The difficult point was that it took me more than a year to remember to act like this when I was standing in the middle of the fear. Now, after many years, when fear comes over me, I recognize it pretty fast: "O, hello, my little monster, here you are again. Don't worry, I am here for you." I sit a while with it and it changes.
Well, for many years I try to understand the mechanism that stands behind human feelings. The scientist in me finds this extremely interesting. The feeling being that I am meanwhile gave up to trying to avoid darkness and bad moments. They come and they go. Better not fighting against, but take them with me into my day. I also kind of learned not to take my little monsters too personally. They just happen. It helps a lot to switch the focus. I learned to appreciate the little things in life, just like you said in your comment. Warm water under the shower, the taste of clean warm water the first I drink every morning, breathing clean air. Living in a warm heated house. A piece of bread with butter. The smell of my small stinky dog, my best friend, that loves me so much.
Today, as you start your travel to the Amazonas, I start to write my first roman. In between our little monsters, life sometimes has wonderful moments. I love to focus them.
Take care on your travel. And hopefully you've got some anti-moskito-spray with you ;-)
Love, Iris

Les Tue, Jul 1st 2014 @ 11:44pm

Dear M

I have just realised that I did not reply and ask to receive your travel blog so I could read your wisdom.

I'm sure Caroline at Moodscope will be happy to give you my email address.

I hope you are well on your way to learn and breath more.
Les

Dre Cardinal Wed, Jul 2nd 2014 @ 12:25am

Thank you for your poem Les. I am a professional poet and you moved me. You are in my heart.

lel Wed, Jul 2nd 2014 @ 5:44pm

Hi Les and Lynne from Aus, I really understand Les how it is to have been "successful" and then to have self doubt, anxiety, depression, I started my "career" in 1985 as a very bright linguist. I chose the wrong company to work for and got no training/support and completely burnout out by 1989. Since then I have had recurring bouts of deep depression and more relevantly fibromyalgia since then. Like you, Lynne, I have lost two marriages and gone through a few jobs (had to hide my illness which is stressful), been self employed, been in so much physical pain with neck spasms and shoulder pain that I have been unable to work. My CV looks potted and now I am a zero hours deputy registrar. All that success so young (there was travel and thrills) skewed my vision of what ordinary life is. I was the hare but the tortoises have fared so much better. I have so many ideas I want to implement but not on my own. Open support is the thing we all need. I am really open about mental health - I tell people that I get depression bad enough to keep me in bed, that I am hyper-sensitive with fibro. I have so much life in me when I am getting better and well. I am 51 and God knows what I could retrain to do. Feel as if I have wasted my talents by being unable to focus on one thing - that's what years of undiagnosed and untreated depression has done. the illness has led to unwise choices and large financial losses in terms of unearned income. By helping others we do help ourselves. Lynne, warm hugs to you. I understand. Lesley

Les Wed, Jul 2nd 2014 @ 7:21pm

Boy - how much latent potential do we all have - if we could somehow learn from each other?

So many of us are learning as we go - partly in my mind due to the poor 'service' for mental health in the NHS in the UK. I have had some really poor people/service with the occasional very bright light.

I really see that 'skewed vision of ordinary life' Lesley........

Many of us could I feel almost use our talents - PQ, IQ, EQ & SQ to help or even prevent others from getting to where we are.

PQ - physical - to live
IQ - intellectual - to learn
EQ - emotional - to love
SQ - spiritual - to leave a legacy

What legacy could we all leave?
Les

Les Thu, Jul 3rd 2014 @ 1:10am

Hi R-T

Email Caroline - her address is support@moodscope.com with your email - as she does not have yours and she will pass it on to me.

lel Thu, Jul 3rd 2014 @ 9:05am

Great suggestion, Les. Latent potential.
I tentatively started a free movement and physical class which I called EMANCE. I managed to run one session which a couple of friends attended but I was very drained after it from the whole process of having to set this up by myself, try and publicise it, organise the hall and so on. It is partly based on 5 Rhythms (I cannot advocate this strongly enough as being the most nurturing thing around) but I also incorporated Qigong and many years of body awareness. I live in a town which is not very conscious. I need to persevere as it could help many people but I need a fellow organiser.
I don't think I have the right people around me to help. I also need to attend more of the 5 rhythms elsewhere. training formally in it costs a fortune but my partner says that I am talented at this and am superb at helping others relax. Just feel as if I am living in the wrong community - a busy IT town - so soul! Diggers and Dreamers is a website with Intentional Communities and similar. It seems that some of us are on our own. I have this Utopian dream of a community based on solid friendships and values rather than the conventional marriage as the support unit.

Les Thu, Jul 3rd 2014 @ 2:23pm

Hi lel

I do a lot of values work and your thought of a community more based on values is a great 'utopian' vision.

The charity I Chair is based on 5 values - check out coveybefriending.org.uk.

Our annual appraisals including mine are based on our behaviour (a score out of 10 plus why they have given that score and what we can do to improve that score) on the 5 values which the board and staff chose 3 years ago.

The right people around us is SO crucial for us to feel 'safe'. I stay with good friends when I feel unsafe. They have the same values as I have.

It also sounds like you have a supportive partner - again crucial. Those of us that live alone.......I think struggle simply to connect on a daily basis - to receive any energy. And to, as many seem to do, hide our 'state' means that we cannot be living our values as we could.

"If we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values - that all reality hinges on moral foundations and that all reality has spiritual control." Martin Luther King Jnr

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