Moodscope's blog

8

July


Holly Golightly adored Tiffany's and me? I adore epiphanies. Tuesday July 8, 2014

I remember a glorious epiphany I had whilst on a private water taxi from Skopelos to Skiathos. As I sliced my hand through the turquoise waters, donning my shades and head scarf, hoping for an Audrey Hepburn look, I observed the Greek chap who was operating the small boat. He spoke English with a New York drawl and was a fine looking fellow. Conversing with him, I realised a profound truth: should I ever marry, it would have to be to someone with whom I felt even freer than when single. An epiphany indeed.

So, for example, should I decide to strip naked (I'm actually quite prudish but it just seems to nail my point here) and dance around the garden in the summer rain, just because I love summer rain, my husband wouldn't fret and flap about what the neighbours might think. He would sigh, (probably wearily), and admit, 'Ah yes, there goes my Suzy.' Should I decide to slide down a banister in a public place, wave at passing aircraft or have a big rant over a rotten day he would shrug and accept it; accept me. In short, he would let me feel. He'd grasp my need for solitude too.

Whether in a depression or a 'horrible high', the clattering and clanging going on in my mind is of a different quality in sound but equally as distressing. When recovering from either, I find I'm allowed moments of tremendous clarity. Recovery from a depression (or high) can do that. It gives that part of us that has been screaming to be heard (our intuition) an attentive audience and sometimes, just sometimes, it affords sufficient silence/quiet to be heard.

It's like a huge wrecking ball made from feathers and downing coming at you from the middle distance. It hits you hard but not unpleasantly and it comes as if from nowhere.
But does it? Come from nowhere, I mean?

I feel strongly that a depression is our body's way of telling us that there's a whole lot of stuff we've not yet dealt with. If we listen closely, it can tell us where we're going wrong; what feeling/s we're failing to take care of, or worse, ignoring.

"Don't look for beauty. You must let beauty come to you. Those who look for beauty are mere journalists."- Borges

Epiphanies cannot be forced. They come from allowing the feelings; taking care of the feelings. Just as a thorny cactus can sprout a colourful flower, even the messiest of feelings can give birth to beauty.

Ah yes, give me an epiphany over a Tiffany diamond any day.

Suzy
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

Mary Blackhurst Hill Tue, Jul 8th 2014 @ 9:20am

EXCELLENT!

Tim Clayton Tue, Jul 8th 2014 @ 9:58am

So beautifully put, Suzy. Very well done at conveying what I've ("we've" all?) felt. What amazes and inspires me is how eloquent so many bloggers here can be, despite our "condition". It makes me think, it's only because of it.

Cabbie Tue, Jul 8th 2014 @ 10:35am

Some people say depression is dis-ease. or un rest. I though have a long history abuse,etc., been in therapy/on meds for years and years, and find it is also a chemical inbalance from a skull fracture as a young teen. So many 'causes", for what sucks as a hidden (i.e. others rarely see) illness. Thanks for yoyur epiphany!

Julia Tue, Jul 8th 2014 @ 11:22am

Yes Suzy. I know those moments of tremendous clarity. They are rare for me and I often think the feeling must be like being high on a mood altering drug. I love what you say about an ideal partner, someone who makes you feel freer than you felt when single. I do remember thinking that when I met my husband. The most valuable thing he gave me was freedom from the shackles which bound me when single.They were small freedoms but so liberating! Thank you for reminding me of this. I do hope you find that someone. Make sure you follow your epiphany and that he liberates you. A wonderful blog Suzy. x

Julia Tue, Jul 8th 2014 @ 11:25am

I agree with you Tim. I often think our depression makes us eloquent, able to express our feelings particularly about how life affects us.

DawnC.Ritchie Tue, Jul 8th 2014 @ 3:15pm

I absolutely LOVED your blog Suzy!
My imagination could really FEEL the freedom you were describing although I have never experienced it. When I wasn't on an invisible leash by my father or a husband/boyfriend, I kept myself on one.
I'm learning to be kind to myself and to give myself the freedom you describe (or at least trying to).
The silly thing is, when I have little moments of 'dancing in the garden naked' (also metaphorically Suzy, I can be quite prudish too), people actually like it and so why can't I just 'let go'?
Looking forward to a brighter, free-er future...

ebb andflo Tue, Jul 8th 2014 @ 3:36pm

Excellent! Loved this post. I try to look on my melancholy as a sort of gift. It's given me a lot of personal insight and exploration - I feel stronger today than ever before. Not a painless process but it's part of me and has created things of great beauty. Still a work in progress!

Anonymous Tue, Jul 8th 2014 @ 5:31pm

"... a depression is our body's way of telling us that there's a whole lot of stuff we've not yet dealt with." This is so true - thank-you Suzy; for me Louise Hay, who writes on this very point, has been a huge help. Hope others find her helpful too. Frankie

Wolf Tue, Jul 8th 2014 @ 5:47pm

I love this. It gives me an idea of how to see my girlfriend, who suffers from bipolar, and treat her in a way that helps her to be more free with me.

Suzy Wed, Jul 9th 2014 @ 9:31am

Dear lovely commenters,

Here's to many a diamond like epiphany! ;o)

And a hearty thanks to Mary. She tweaked this post for me. Moodscope's own Lynne Truss.

Anonymous Wed, Jul 9th 2014 @ 5:26pm

At 50 something I still have on by bucket list skinny dipping at midnight in a wild water somewhere.... (and I am VERY prudish!)

Mary Wed, Jul 9th 2014 @ 5:30pm

Wolf - you are gorgeous! Please keep reading here and you will discover more and more about how to cope with a loved one who is depressive/bipolar. I haven't dared ask my (wonderful) husband, but I hope he would say it was worth looking after me in my bad times for the joy we have in the good times. Bless you lots for loving your girlfriend enough to want her to be free with you!

Mary Wed, Jul 9th 2014 @ 5:30pm

An absolute pleasure, Suzy!

heather Wed, Jul 9th 2014 @ 9:07pm

I'm so glad to be able to comment on this as is stuck in my mind the first time round.
An absolutely joyous read, I thought. I love the picture of you, Suzy, with an Audrey Hepburn pose. Unfortunately I don't think I've sprouted any flowers for a while, but it's never too late ! Love to all from Heather xx

Anonymous Sun, Jul 13th 2014 @ 9:43am

I love Suzy's post

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