Moodscope's blog

6

October


Here's to brighter mornings. Tuesday October 6, 2015

Having been brought up on a diet of fear and anger, I've been determined to balance work and raising a family in a loving and gentle way, whilst suffering with anxiety and depression. I've managed to raise two amazing young people who have beautiful souls and who make me feel proud and grateful for the joy that they have to share.

I have come a long way in finding ways to make myself feel well. Walking, yoga, sleeping enough, eating well and hormone balancing supplements have all helped. Not being hard on myself on bad days, is so important. Sometimes just to stop and rest or do what suits ME for a change is what I need.

Having a low feeling when I wake up has been a struggle though. I've tried slow release food at night and a healthy snack first thing to bring my blood sugar up, but thats not it. When I wake up and there's no special person there saying "Good morning gorgeous! Have a wonderful day!" (Ok so life isn't a Disney movie), but waking up alone and feeling low is tough sometimes. On a bad day, I almost choose to stay focussed on negatives. I put it down to loneliness and I kept repeating my focus on it.

Surprisingly my hairdresser described the same feeling and she's married! Her hubby's just sleeping! A friend of hers thought it was because as babies we woke up to having our main carer paying attention to us and suggested that distracting the brain with something uplifting makes a big difference. For my hairdresser it's comedy! For another friend it's music. I then stumbled across a combination if the two on you tube! Comedians being blown away by amazing singers! Uplifting and funny is a much nicer way to start the day and doesn't rely on me finding Prince Charming!

All it took was a shift from feeling powerless to hopeful. Just knowing that there is a way out seems to have done the trick.

It's first thing in the morning as I write this and I feel uplifted. I've always enjoyed writing. Maybe there's another bright path to follow!

Here's to brighter mornings.

Petal
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

the room above the garage Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 6:27am

Hello Petal, and there you are, a blog! Wonderful! I too parent alone and struggle in the morning (feel like I could sleep round the clock, will look into slow release food as I often go to bed feeling fine).
Meantime, I will look into this, I love a laugh, maybe a dose of Eric & Ernie in the morning could be my saving grace! Thank you x.

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 7:50am

Morning Ratg! A blog! Yay! A real sense of achievement this morning! Thanks for getting me started with my first comment :) Been thinking of you, we are all stronger for having this place to come back to. The slow release food didnt work for me, but worth a try. Reading blogs and comments has helped enormously. The clips that I found were James Corden with Jennifer Hudson (he's done one with Stevie Wonder too!) and Amazing Grace - Breaktime - Michael Jr (he's a Pastor, am not religous, but this clip is great!). I've been posting as Lilly ( just so you/ people know it's me in future! :)) Love and light x

Debs Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 6:52am

Wow Petal, this is EXACTLY what I needed to read this morning! Like you, I've been building my coping strategies - exercise, yoga, self-compassion - and am doing ok but still find the morning lows so hard. I woke this morning feeling v flat and the crazy thoughts started up immediately. I went to the loo and thought 'when is this ever going to stop'... but when I got back into bed there you were, ready to greet me with open arms! I'm going to try your comedy/music distraction technique and see what happens. Thank you for such an inspiring blog - I feel a glimmer of hope and that's worth it's weight in gold ;-) xxxx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:02am

Morning Debs, I'm so glad to have helped, I thought there must be others who struggle with persistent low mornings, so was driven to share that glimmer of hope. Reading blogs and comments first thing has distracted my brain and gives me something new to think about.There definately is hope because I havent had it for sometime now! Xxx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:57am

(Petal/Lilly)

Nick Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 7:09am

Beautifully expressed and written,thank you you for starting my day of so nicely.xx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:03am

Thanks Nick, my pleasure! Xxx :)

Louise Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 7:14am

Good morning Petal!
I’ve never been terribly good with mornings but I share my world with a rescue cat, who seems to know as soon as I am awake and rushes in to see me and we have a big fuss. It makes me smile even on the toughest of mornings.
And in a funny co-incidence, she shares your name!
Here’s to a good day my fellow Moodscopers! (and I have a toughie in prospect)
Lou & Petal the cat

Debs Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 7:52am

Sending love and strength for today Lou xxx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:08am

Aww that's so lovely Louise, pets are always so glag to see us! Well both Petals are there for you today, I hope it goes ok too. Xxx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:59am

(Petal/Lilly)

Louise Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 11:31am

Thank you both so much. The support here on moodscope is really lovely. Tough morning survived thank you and now home with cat again :) and a much needed cup of tea!!

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 1:31pm

Hi Louise -glad you've got through your tough morning and you're home and enjoying purrfect time with kitty and cuppa! Makes for a cute pic! Bear x

Louise Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 3:28pm

Thanks Bear! Cat missed me, so much fuss is required :) x

Adam Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 7:18am

Well, your writing is much appreciated Petal!

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:09am

I'm so glad Adam, thank you :)

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:59am

(Petal/Lilly)

Paul Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 7:42am

Gosh Petal I could have wrote this blog except I am married otherwise it's me to a tee
I go on u tube most mornings to find comedy try to laugh in the morning and shake off the awful morning feeling. Great post well done. My joke for the day

I saw a plastic carrier bag on the side of the road yesterday with an England rugby shirt in it abandoned
I can't believe someone would throw it away. These bags cost 5p now. Made me laugh it's a start.
Paul

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:11am

Lol! :)) very funny and very current! Thanks Paul, still smiling :)

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 9:00am

(Petal/Lilly)

Nikki Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 7:59am

Hi Petal, thank you for your blog this morning. I wake every morning with a fear of dread in the pit of my stomach and always feeling overwhelmed with the day ahead no matter how busy or not it may be. I thought I was alone with this and that it was just something else 'wrong with me'. I feel so comforted that others out there experience something similar. I don't really post comments I just read and diligently do my daily test BUT TODAY you touched me .... In a good way and helped me feel a little normal. Again ... Thank you, have a wonderful day xx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:18am

Morning Nikky. I'm so glad to have helped anyone else who has the same feeling, no it's not the real you, it's something about how our brains work and can be adjusted by distraction with something that works for you. Go for it and keep me posted! (I post as Lilly).xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 11:02am

Dear Nikki, Don't know if this would help, but if you write down what it is that is frightening or worrying you each morning, as it is happening...would you be able to look and see if you can do anything about those worries - if you can, make a note of how you can achieve it. If you can't do anything about them, can those niggles be 'filed away in a box'' and left alone until you are able? Sometimes, by seeing it written down it might help. Love Bear x x x

Nikki Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 7:24am

Hi Bear, thank you for your suggestion I'm going to give it a go, I do finding writing and list making helps me. Off to find pen and paper xx

Lex Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:04am

Hi Petal, you said, "All it took was a shift from feeling powerless to hopeful. Just knowing that there is a way out seems to have done the trick." And look what an impact you've had on other people's hope by writing your heart-felt, honest blog. I think writing is an important bright path for you to continue to follow. Thank you! L'xx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:20am

Thank you Lex! Just knowing that it's helped has given me a great lift too! Xx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 9:00am

(Petal/Lilly)

Mary S Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:11am

Hi Petal
Yes you have described a major problem of mine too!
Ug that feeling of ease/neutrality from my dream state lasts about 2 seconds when I first wake, to be swiftly replaced by the reality of the world crashing down on me and the familiar feeling of despair. Then the cycling thoughts detailing just how dire it all is and desperately trying to think of solutions then the guilt of knowing I'm too weak and damaged to attempt to implement any of them and the self blame for my failure.

I was thinking hey just because you're alone at that time doesn't mean the alternative is a perfect wakeup from a special person! (Which you DID refer to as a Disney scenario, to be fair), but then your hairdresser's comments almost gave me a wry smile!!

Yes hard to say what's worse - being alone by yourself or being alone with another person?

I've tried eating slow release food at night but after sleeping 12 hours I guess its all used up!

I've tried leaving myself all sorts of motivating notes taped to my bedside table.

I've tried setting some uplifting music as an alarm but my main problem is that my reaction to EVERYTHING when I wake up is NEGATIVE. So I just turn the music off and go back to sleep (and when I set it up in another room I either ignore it and go back to sleep or get up, go turn it off - without really waking up!!!- then autopilot back to bed!!)

Can't say I've tried watching comedy first thing. I'd need to do it in bed and I dont normally have electronic devices there (find it a bad idea at night). I could try it!!!

Ok so this comment turned into more of a ramble,.......

Mary

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:36am

Morning Mary, yes I had a very similar and very persistent cycle going on. It's been the toughest to crack! BUT you're not too weak to crack it. It's brain distraction and knowing that you CAN distract it. I get the thing about electronic devices ( I wake up to moodscope on my phone now), but hey, if it might help with such a tough struggle. We get so caught up in all the stuff we're not supposed to do, there'd be nothing left but air and water if we took it all on board! Everything in moderation I say! ;) There is a flip side to EVERY negative. Share it if you cant find it because we Moodscopers will! :) Love and Light Mary. Xxx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 9:01am

(Petal/Lilly)

Mary S Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 11:35am

Thanks for your kind words, I'm willing to give anything a go!

Hopeful One Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:20am

Hi Petal - thanks for that. I am all for a joke to start the ball rolling.

Two friends set out for a Saturday stroll. One has a Doberman and the other has a Chihuahua.
Doberman owner:"Let's go for a drink in that pub."
Chihuahua owner: "We can't go in there . It says no dogs allowed."
Doberman owner:, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the bar. The Doberman owner and puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Bouncer: "Sorry, sir , no pets allowed."
Doberman owner:"You don't understand this is my guide dog dog."
Bouncer: "A Doberman pincher?"
Doberman owner: "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
Bouncer :"OK come in."
The Chihuahua owner figures what the heck, so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. He knows his story would be more unbelievable.
Bouncer: "Sorry, sir no pets allowed."
Chihuahua owner:" You don't understand. This is my guide dog."
Bouncer :"A Chihuahua?"
Chihuahua owner"A Chihuahua? Did they give me a Chihuahua?"

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:51am

Lol!!! Love a good joke that actually makes you laugh! Thanks keep 'em coming! :)) xx

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 9:01am

(Petal/Lilly)

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 10:56am

Tee hee, HO...brilliogs joke! Bear x

Mary Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:47pm

Love it. Thanks for the giggle.

Joanne Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:32am

I found just not turning on the radio for R4 news (which is inevitably on irrespective of the time of day I wake up) helped. Not listening to doom and gloom first thing changed my outlook in the morning

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:53am

For sure! It's not great at any time of the day! :)

Lilly Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 9:01am

(Petal/Lilly)

Anonymous Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 9:02am

I like Radio 4 but in the morning it can be grim I agree. Ken Bruce on Radio 2 always cheers me up at 9.30 by which time I'm generally feeling ever so slightly better anyway. I hate the mornings actually and am better on my own. I don't appreciate a cheerful well rested husband asking me at 8.30 am what my plans are for the day. (I imagine he doesn't appreciate my gloomy response either) Of course I don't know what I would be like if I was single; I guess there would be a completely different set of problems then. I love your blog today Petal. It has made me re think my early morning gloom. I have always attributed it to lack of a deep sleep but you have made me think back to when I slept well every night, and I can remember feeling negative even then. Also the fact that so many of the comments today express the same thing, has actually cheered me up in a strange way!

Lilly Petal Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 9:23am

Glad to hear it! :) don't let up 'till you've cracked it.
Hubby may be trying to help or just in a non-thinking routine! Maybe gently letting him know what you need from him, a little space until you're ready.. ;) Big smile for you:) xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 10:55am

Lily/Petal....As of today, I am calling you Lillypet!

What a great blog and your first! Congratulations, Lillypet!
We never know or realise how many other peeps are having the same thoughts as us, the same negative wakings-up...but there must be hundreds. I am not as bad as I was, but I also had to cope with not knowing 'who' my husband was going to be each day He woke up...that sort of made life worse, as until he spoke, I never knew what sort of day it was going to be.

He is better now so that a makes a huge difference!! One unfortunate thing is, he likes to go to bed listening to the radio and wake up with it...mmm...Radio 4 or worse, much worserer than that -LBC, where peeps are arguing!!! Ugh, does my head in!!! Don't want it in my home, and certainly not trying to wake up!!!!

Totally agree with Anon at 9.02....good old Ken of the Bruce variety...music, liddle chats and 'comedy' and music!

Brill blog, Lillypet!
Lovings
Bear x x x x

Lilly Petal Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 11:15pm

Thanks Bear! Lol! You reminded me of my ex hubby playing loud music a ridiculous hours, I can smile now, but it wasnt funny at the time! I hope you find the pillow speakers someone suggested, or negotiate some other way of you not having such a negative intrusion into what should be the most peaceful times each day. Hugs LP :) xx

Frankie Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 11:58am

Morning Lilly

Really looking forward to your next blog - already!

This is brilliant:
" a shift from feeling powerless to hopeful. Just knowing that there is a way out seems to have done the trick."

In my experience, knowing my way out/up helps enormously ... and knowing that it is ok to say "no"!

And Bear, mine too! Radio 4/News/Documentaries on wars and conflicts ... wonder if it's a male thing - chaps? What do you reckon?
I am always asking for the such programmes to be turned down or even better off as I don't think it helps especially during bleak periods ...

I can highly recommend pillow speakers - which plug into the radio and sit on or by your pillow so that only you hear the radio ... available from retail electronics shop (don't want to name it, but think blue ...)

Morning everyone!
(just ... only just made it out of bed ... oops!)

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 1:16pm

Congrats on your lie-in! Hope it was peaceful, relaxing and involved copious amounts of tea and NO horrid stuff on radio squeakers! Bear x x x

Janis Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 10:10am

My oh my, I too could have written Petals post too. Never good in mornings, more often due to being a bad sleeper with an over analytical mind! My OCD doesn't help either, but after 20 yrs I cope better with the help if my 3Ms....... Moodscope, Mindfullness and Music, these three things ease me out of that first awakening doom and gloom which is always worse in winter, so Im dreading the clocks going back, but Im ready!! Dark dismal mornings BEWARE..... I have my tools at the ready, my Moodscope friends to call upon, my music to pump up and 'my' mind to distract. Try it..... X

The Gardener Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 12:09pm

Yesterday I wrote a reply which was full of hope - then disaster struck. I am used to the miserable start to each morning - the experts tell me that CANNOT change. Now evenings are grim - my husband finds something wrong - heat, light, cutlery, draught from the window, I am up and down every five minutes during what used to be a pleasant meal. Then a long phone call from a friend, wife of a couple who have been very close friends for over 50 years. I have picked up the pieces of her for at least 30 of those. Tearful phone calls. One holiday 4 hours up and down the beach controlling her hysterics. Once, she was 'threatened' with psychiatric hospital, her husband and daughters all came on to me, please do something, you are the only one she listens to. They have a house 2 hours away from us in France. They are coming for a month. He refuses to come to us, won't let her use 'his' car, she won't come alone in case he won't let her in again. We can't stay with them, they're quite rich, but horrendously mean - we freeze down there, and no 'en suite' bathroom, impossible to cope with my husband without. Many of our old friends (old and long-standing) cannot travel. So I drove to UK, stayed in a hotel and everybody came to us. People are now saying 'go to UK, be near your family'. But we are happy in France, the medical care is superb, we could not afford to go back to the UK, and all the family live around London - I'm too old for the M25. Our eldest son, and his wife, are marvellous - they put up with my moans and he comes out here when he can, but he has so many commitments, and cost of crossing the channel is now exorbitant. Second son ditto, his wife has not spoken or contacted since last November - we haven't fallen out, she's just not interested in us. She whizzes round the world, and I'd love the occasional travelogue, pictures. Next son has just upset me terribly, causing me to struggle with potential depression. Next daughter who used to enjoy coming here has no intention of visiting. Be near family in UK? Ha! 3 weeks last Christmas, she did not even invite us to her house. Fifth child, another daughter, estranged. Have I got leprosy? BO? My husband is at respite, but what the HELL am I going to do with him this evening. Sorry about all this, my friends out there - I've never felt so alone, despite the aid I receive. All the words written about Alzheimers say that the carer will be lucky not to crack-up. Big-headed me says 'I can cope', take advice, all help available, organise life so we can both find a semblance of harmony/peace/mutual enjoyment - but (Hopeful One in same boat, I believe) it is a case of hanging on the wreckage, and, at the moment, please throw the life-belt. I'll catch it, I promise, despite being ham-handed at most sports. In love and hope,the Gardener, and please send a group hug.

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 1:20pm

Biggest and hugestly massive huuuug winging its merry way to you today, TG...will write more when I can today...love Bear x

Lilly Petal Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 4:19pm

Hi TG, You're going through a very demanding and trying time. Carers of people with advanced Altzheimers do need alot of support and some respite, I havent had the experience, but I imagine deciding on the most appropriate care must also be done carefully. It's great that you have a supportive son. Our grown up kids have their own lives and issues, not all of them can be around as much as we and they might like. It sounds like people have been leaning on you because you are strong, capable, supportive and caring, but maybe havent realised how complicated and wearing that makes your life. Other people's stuff will have to take a back seat, so you can recharge and do the things that make you feel good and well enough to take one step at a time with your husband. You will be learning alot and will have much to share. You're not alone. A massive group hug to you TG. XOXO

Frankie Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 4:34pm

Hello TG - I've just read this ... Hugs, hugs and more HUGS ... any time! Forgive me if I am stating the obvious, but has the time come to consider moving your husband into an appropriate care-home? If not just now, maybe researching it and knowing your options for a future date will help you deal with the daily struggles? I wonder whether your husband being in a home, with you visiting most days, would actually allow both of you to benefit from harmony, peace and mutual enjoyment... Can you explore the option - maybe as if you are advising someone else in your position, which may help to detach and to be objective about both your husband's needs and your own needs, which are equally valid (and, dare I suggest, more valid)? It sounds to me as if what you are trying to achieve is impossible, yet you seem to beat yourself up for not achieving ... the impossible; I can recognise (a bit) the "I can cope" attitude; been there myself in a different scenario with my beloved mother-in-law - and eventually ended up having a nervous breakdown ... Your comments today (and in previous posts) about the family strike a chord with me (future blog in due course about families, roles and expectations). You have coped wonderfully for so long with a ghastly situation - many of us would have given up long ago I'm sure! There is no shame in deciding that something needs to change, for both your sakes. I am no expert, but if it helps do send me an email via Caroline/support and I am happy to be in email contact with you. Once again, I salute you, dear Gardener, for your courage and determination; With loads of hugs Frankie x

Mary Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:49pm

Gardener, Like everyone else I cannot say "I understand" because I have not lived through it, but my heart goes out to you, along with a huge hug.

The Gardener Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 12:15pm

PS - HO's joke was the spark in this grim day, seriously funny. But a grim story about large and small dogs. Super gay friends of ours inhabited part of a 14th century castle. They had one of those dogs which resemble a rat, named Mustang. A huge dog (Doberman, I think, perfectly gentle) was chasing the same tennis ball as the miniature - and he bit the little dog's head off. Now that IS a macabre story. Still laughing at the joke, though, thanks.

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 5:26pm

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forumdisplay.php?70-I-care-for-a-person-with-dementia I've just googled this...not sure if it would be of any value to you to 'chat' with other peeps who are going through the same thing as you, and may have more suggestions and answers than I wish I could, dearest Gardener. It's a dedicated forum for the careers of someone with Alzheimer's. BearHug x

danielle Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 1:19pm

Gardener - i do not know what to say, I feel for you. And I am sending you all the hugs in the world xxx

Jenny Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 1:24pm

I was waiting to hear which comedian and what music! Can you let us in on who does it for you, so I can find it on YouTube? Thanks.

Lilly Petal Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 3:51pm

Just as Bear said Jenny, let us know if you found them :)

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 1:34pm

Hi Jenny...Lillypet posted this as a reply to Ratg above:! "The clips that I found were James Corden with Jennifer Hudson (he's done one with Stevie Wonder too!) and Amazing Grace - Breaktime - Michael Jr"
Hope you can find them...am just off to have a lookiie-see myself!
Bear x

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 1:46pm

Just watched a You tube video of James Corden with Jennifer Hudson singing in the car...she doesn't know she is being videoed...funny and wow what a songstress!!! Corden is amazing too and I think if you've got spare time today, folks, there are others to watch!! Bear x

Lilly Petal Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 3:49pm

Thanks Honey Bear! Been working. Glad you enjoyed! LillyPet :) xxx

Amanda Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 1:42pm

So often have I woken up feeling absolutely dire. I finally worked out what to do about it ... do something nice for myself straight away (or as soon as I'm awake enough to think). Turn on radio (Classic FM for me). Nice hot cup of tea. Read for at least half an hour. By then, I'm more or less ready to face the day and those dismal feelings have been chased away.

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 1:46pm

Sounds very relaxed, Amanda, very enjoyable start to the day :) Bear x

Lilly Petal Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 4:23pm

Thanks Amanda, some great tips and more hope that there is a way out of it! :)

The Gardener Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 6:06pm

Slip of the mouse, rather than slip of the tongue.

The Gardener Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 6:15pm

I was replying to Frankie, and lost it. I'd hit the buffers - total burn out - husband at me before we got out of the door of respite. Frankie mentioned a home - it is a thought, but not an option. A whole team is working to keep us together (more economic for the state, better psychologically for the couple as long as the back=up is good enough. The utter dreariness of his perpetual misery suddenly hit me. You can't just 'put' someone in a home. We have a good house, money, I am fit, and can drive. 'm guilty of bitterness, why should I have a miserable childhood and a miserable old age (although my bi-polar Dad was such good fun when he was OK. Life is not fair, it's what you make it - and mine has been rich indeed. New richness in the help and love offered in these blogs. My spring has suddenly gone, collapsed in a heap. Church bells ringing gloriously, it's therefore 'Kir' time. Cheers, and thanks.

Debs Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 6:36pm

I'm thinking of you Gardener and sending love and strength. On Sunday I did my first ever half-marathon (am I crazy?! Yes, probably...) I ran for Alzheimer's Society and thought of you. I raised just short of £600 and whilst it's not much, I hope it does something. Its so cruel, on the person effected and the family. Big big hugs to you, you do an incredible, invisible job and deserve all the love and thoughts in the world. xxxx

Frankie Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 6:30pm

Thanks TG; one question, is the back-up good enough?

We were very lucky with my mother-in-law; her nursing home really did become her home with such lovely carers who became good friends ...

Raising my smoothie to you - cheers TG!

Frankie

The Gardener Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:43pm

I've just wiped another reply. T & E, though I broke one glass full of wine. Lovely medieval music on France Musique, super photos going on, randomized choice of 60 years on adjacent computer. Thanks Debs, great. Frankie, getting all the back-up state can provide. Husband been hell tonight - I am now 'winding him up' does not know where bedroom is, scared of going upstairs - I'm supposed to be 'sympathetic' to this, but not when I'm 'down and out- I am trying to programme my brain for tomorrow morning, deaf ear to moans, and 'enjoy. Just written e-mails to grand-sons at Uni in Melbourne, what a city to be young in. Nite-nite, and Hasta la Vista (brings back longings for Spain), XXX

Lilly Petal Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 10:37pm

Night night TG. X

Leah Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 2:20am

Gardener Sending hugs to you. I just love reading your posts and even though they maybe be borne in pain, they are so descriptive and so moving , the tears start to fall. More hugsxxx

Mary Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:50pm

Petal/Lilly, what a great first blog and just see how much positivity you've generated. Way to go, girl. You rock!

Lilly Petal Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 10:41pm

Aww thanks Mary! It's been great being with you all today :) and a lovely bedtime smile to fall asleep with :) thank you xx

Rebecca Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 8:52pm

The trouble I have with mornings is find it so difficult to get up but have to. Have to do horses and then go to work. On the rare occasions I get up early enough I enjoy sitting down and having a drink and something to eat but often don't leave myself enough time and have to get up dressed and go. Not the healthiest way. Must find ways of making myself get up earlier. Good blog Lilly.x

Lilly Petal Tue, Oct 6th 2015 @ 11:00pm

Thanks Rebecca, I get that too. It's rare that I spring out of bed (!) but sometimes I still feel so tired and the drowsy feeling can drag on through the day. I was told that maybe I'd woken up from being in a deep sleep. Eventually dragging ourselves up and rushing isnt a great start to the day, but I find I'm more organised when I'm in a good place. A few early nights in a row helps to naturally wake up earlier rather than try to force it which feels gruelling! Having stuff to grab and go with is better than no breakfast. If like me you're just not a morning person, it'll be up and down, so try to get on top of it now and again and dont beat youself up about times when you feel like a wreck! Hope you get a few more good starts in. Night night! Xx

Ann Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 1:34am

First, love and hugs, and sharing your difficult time, to Nikki, Anon (my hubby gives me a to-do list! I want to scream!), Mary S, The Gardener and Rebecca.. thankyou for saying it like it is today... And thanks to all those who reach back and hug in reply - what a supportive community!

Thanks a million, Lilly Petal - for sharing this daily mini-battle, and your hopefulness, and tried-and-tested-and-found-useful tips!
And for the wonderful timing of your blog - its been a week or three of ropey mornings!

Obviously, you can spot the immediate issue with anxious wakings, and follow-on grim days, i.e. the late nights.... so I am working on that! (Oops, def lapse tonight, but hey, at least I've done my score!)

I think its the time of year that's made mornings a trial lately... when it gets light at 4 and 5am, I'm still sleeping heavily enough to ignore. But now its getting light at 6.15, its waking me.

Tried sleeping in 'our' bed (lonely with), and tried the spare room (lonely without)...

I've been "should"-ing in the mornings, trying to do my Jon Kabat Zinn mindfulness meditation, to chase away the early-morning anxiousness... although if I manage to avoid ruminating, I tend to find that lying "mountain-like" in bed tends to involve drifting off to sleep again! Not much help with the school-run timings!

So instead, think I'll look at this wonderful blog earlier, thanks Nikki for that tip, and switch to some proper, nice self-care, first thing, thanks Amanda.

Sweet dreams to you all. xx

Lilly Petal Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 6:12am

Morning Ann! :) So glad you've found it helpful. Yes the change in light in the morning definitely makes a difference. In the brief window of summer when there's warm sun on a little spot in our he garden near my back door I get up to have tea out there. When it gets colder, I'm sure I'll be doing the "5 more minutes" of snuggling in the warm bed before booting myself out :) Wishing you a lovely morning Ann :) xx

Neil Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 1:42am

Hi Petal, I really liked your blog. My mornings a really tough I am uncertain if it is my mood or a medication hangover from the night before. I can really relate to waking up alone in the house it is so hard toget going. In the mornings.

Lilly Petal Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 5:51am

Morning Neil! Thanks :) I think that the low mood in the mornings thing is so persistent, that there must be a cause in the body. If you think it's a down from a prescribed medication taken at night, ask your gp for a slow release one. It is hard to get going if you live on your own or if others are asleep. I've got into a routine of doing my scores and reading the blog. It's a good distraction from the habit of repeating negative thinking my brain had got into. There's usually people already awake on here for company! and there are always uplifting blogs, comments or an uplifting comment you could make. I find all I need is a smile to shift it. Your body is persistently telling you to change something to make you feel better. I do belive that positive distraction is the key, so keep trying stuff 'till you find out what works for you. Keep us posted and have a nice morning Neil! :)

Janis Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 10:20am

My,oh my, I too could have written Petals post too. I have never been a morning person, usually due to my poor sleep and my over analytical mind. I have struggled with this on and off for 20 yrs, but more recently have been using my '3Ms' Moodscope, Mindfullness and Music. I now have these tools at the ready for those difficult dark and dismal mornings which are looming, I dread the clocks going back. I have my Moodscope to check in with, my Music to follow me around and my Mindfullness to distract the negativity. So bring on the gloom.....Im ready!! X

Janis Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 10:21am

Too many toos!! X

Lilly Petal Wed, Oct 7th 2015 @ 11:15pm

I love your 3 Ms tools Janis. My mind is way over analytical too. ( I mean as well!) so I'll try those the next time It's a gloomy start.

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