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September


Family favourites. Saturday September 26, 2015

I don't live close to my family. One of those things. We all become more mobile, the world shrinks and distances grow.

Alice, she drank from a bottle called DRINK ME
And she grew so tall
She ate from a plate called TASTE ME
And down she shrank so small
And so she changed, while other folks
Never tried nothin' at all.

Shel Silverstein

I'm actually quite family orientated and this year I have had visits from both my offspring (and their families), I live in a seaside resort, so my home is their hols! I used to think they came to visit me and of course it is an element. But I found myself this year feeling used rather than loved and dreading next year and the next set of visits.

And it actually wasn't their fault. It should have been a great pick me up for me, as well as for them but it didn't workout like that. I was too tired, too solitary, too sad to properly respond. I let them down.

It is hard to put one's life on hold while family visit. OK, I may not have much of a life, but there is that dreadful assumption that you exist purely for your children and their convenience. I am expected to be on Nanna duty when they arrive from the time the kids wake until they go to bed. 'Oh so nice mum to be able to get away from it all and relax for once'. Great to be appreciated. They do work hard, they do need a break and the little ones demand energy! But I am not sure I am up to it anymore. I feel like going on strike!

They talked about a holiday home abroad we could all go to next year, but once looked into it was all too expensive. What a shame! I would have loved that. How nice it would have been. But they prefer to come to me. After all it's a homecoming for them. They love it.

They know how I am. They are supportive but not totally empathetic. They want me to be well and believe that they and the grandchildren are the solution to my problem. And they are supportive by phone. So why can't I cope with them being here?

Alice
A Moodscope member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

April Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 7:21am

Hi Alice, I can identify with you a little in that when my family come to visit or there are carers here for my disabled daughter I feel easily overwhelmed and crave my own space. It's hard if you have to cook and change beds etc for your family coming to stay and it's sad if they're not realising that you therefore aren't getting a break or a holiday. However the flip side I guess is that if they didn't come to stay and you had to go to them or that you just didn't see your family that would also be difficult and sad. Maybe you could try and talk to them about how you're feeling and that you don't feel up to everyone descending on you or having to look after the children etc. Suggest that you need to get away from it all too. It almost feels that they are saying that because you live by the sea your life is somewhat easier or nicer than theirs and that isn't fair when they know you're unwell. It's difficult though because if the family them decide to go off somewhere else maybe on their own to save you the stress you might find you're then feeling that they don't care even more. A discussion with them may help. I'd love to get away from my home for a break but due to my physical disability and my mental health and having to care for my disabled 18 year old child. Even an evening away isn't possible.
Life's not easy and sometimes if things were different we would then struggle with that difference too.
I hope if you can talk to your family they are understanding and supportive.
Good luck!
April

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 8:25am

Thank you April for taking the time to try to help, especially given your own circumstances.

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 9:05am

Thank you also for that thought that even if things were different we would struggle with that difference too! Take care of yourself April. When I read your words about not even being able to go out for an evening, my heart went out to you. Then I wondered if that was really true? I do hope it isn't and that you can find whatever the ways and means are to get some kind of a break. Love Alice x

Annette Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 7:23am

Dear Alice, You sound like a very caring lady.But maybe too caring , it is hard to tell people that you love that you feel that you are being taken for granted for fear of offending anyone.Especially when you struggle with your mood.Is there a family member that you could speak too to explain your feelings.You deserve a family break away from Nanna's house.Either that they could visit but you will be in the Bahamas!

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 8:56am

Thank you Annette. Sadly talking and understanding don't always go hand in hand. Heading off to the Bahamas is a lovely thought. I shall start packing immediately! It is a while since I wrote this and I wasn't sure whether to send it to Caroline or not. It reads as though it was written as a whine and that wasn't my intention. Maybe it was a bit of a whine though. What I was trying to say was that sometimes I find it hard to cope, even under the loveliest of circumstances, and it is a struggle to even make the good things work for me. I felt pretty rubbish about my own reaction on this occasion and perhaps what I could have done was to make more of an effort, to have moved myself into enjoying what was and said no to Nanna duty when I was feeling tired. Powerful word NO. One that perhaps we could all use more often? My message is really sharing what I am sure is a fairly common reaction when feeling low. Letting anyone else out there who experienced this know that they weren't on their own. I'm feeling good right now and can cope with most things and I am now looking forward to Christmas! Love Alice xx

the room above the garage Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 9:12am

Sorry, this is a huge reply!

Hello Alice, a heartfelt blog xxx. I bet you have a bag of emotions in there including guilt which parents carry like a garland around their necks.

You ask 'why can't I cope with them being here?"...I can only answer with my experience. For me, I am at my limit of solo parenting as well as trying to hold back the tsunami that is depression, that there is little space for much else. If I add in one extra element to an already heavy load...everything falls.

And I mean that even in the most basic sense. For me to have any hope of staying reasonably well I live in compartments...fairly rigid, regimented and ordered. Trying to have fun and feel relaxed within that is very difficult. But its how it must be. For now. I fall apart after Christmas when my entire family are hosted by me. My house is big enough to accommodate and everyone brings something and tries to help but...ultimately, its my responsibility. And all my safety nets are compromised. December commitments followed by Christmas puts me into the red alert area. I start to drop like a stone in January and by February I am a stain. Although I want to love it, I can only really enjoy it in retrospect. When I look at the photos months on, I can no longer feel the effort it took, I can remember it but I don't re-feel it.

When your family come to stay, they are finding a chance to have fun and feel relaxed but you are not! You are the worker bee with a hugely increased workload and it can really tip the balance. This is where depression is sorely misunderstood. If our illness was a giant, heavy, football size, growth on the side of our heads there would be a sudden clarity and family may offer to stay locally but not with you. They would see that cooking for one or two whilst bashing your giant growth off things as you manoeuver around the kitchen is hard enough but to try to shop, cook and clean for a pile of people whilst bashing your growth is impossible.

Depression is not really understood by those who have not held that burning stone.

So how do you deal with this bitter sweet?

For me, I plan the effort. I expect to feel terrible so that when I feel terrible I can say hi to it. I don't want not to host my family because I love them but it tears me up in the attempt. So I remind myself I will look back and cherish the time but that its a merry hell to live through. When the noise is sounding like nails down a blackboard, I remind myself that the noise tires me and that I hate it. That acceptance is how I can begin to relax a little.

I hope your family are kind and cook or eat out for some of the stay. I hope they hear if you explain. Most of all, I hope you stop feeling bad for finding it hard.

Hope this does not come across as a patronising pile of rubbish, certainly not mean to. Take care Alice, love ratg x.

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 10:42am

Dear RATG, what lovely words of wisdom and kindness. Certainly not patronising and not a pile of rubbish! I will learn from this two key things; the first is not to beat myself up about it and secondly to be prepared for difficulties. At the same time I don't want to let my head think that it has won! I have an uphill battle against that voice of misery that drags me down sometimes but I certainly don't want to put them off visiting. The memories are indeed sweet and the family do help out when they stay. Thankfully I don't feel like this all the time. As I prepare for Christmas I shall send out lots of good vibes to you also RATG to help you in your struggle. We are not alone xxx

Sarah Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 9:24am

Hi Alice I always enjoy your blogs, the poetry reminds me of my Mum. She was artistic and creative. She brought up four children and had a full time job, even being awarded an MBE! Your post reminded me that we still expected her to be Granny/ Mum first. I think we also took too much from her, that she was exhausted by us all. I agree it's difficult to say something because if my Mum had I wouldn't have gone round so much. I was so overwhelmed with having three children and working ( self employed) a husband who never helped. My Mum died five years ago and I miss her more than ever. I want her the way she was before illness. I paid her back by looking after her for seven years. What I am saying is that deep down your family does love and appreciate you. Love Sarah ( yellow rose one, Ratg will know what I mean :-))

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 10:46am

Dear Sarah, I am sorry that you have lost your mum. All mums are special, just as you are to your three, but she sounds like a lovely lady. Know what - it's nice to be needed; she was, you are and so am I! A timely reminder. Thank you Sarah, Love Alice xx

The Gardener Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 9:29am

Oh Alice - all the answers to your situation are in my blogs yesterday. Woke to a husband more miserable and negative than ever, but the sun is shining, flowers lovely and faced the big challenge, got him clean from top to toe. Then I read your blog and am struggling with tears again. On from yesterdays saga. I love my family, and actually like them staying, perhaps falling over backwards to understand that their 'standards' are different from mine - bite my lip when they don't turn up for meals - but positively enjoy the company of the young and exchange of views - I do pride myself on not being die-hard (often called a 'cool' granny, trying to live up to it). All grand-children have spent time on their own with us - always uproarious - we have also been summoned to be 'in loco parentis' in far-flung places - and taken then on 'special' treats, often provoking 'special' relationships. We, with 'co' grandparents have helped physically, emotionally and financially during the extremely troubled times (divorce and illness) of the parents - I think we have provided a 'rock' of security, to cling to in troubled times. Perhaps, as ratg said (I think) our very strength and stability is too much for our children to take - but why should I turn into a poor, silly old woman so my kids don't feel I'm in competition with them? My last blog last night was 'Joy in the morning', so sunshine, a soppy cat, flowers, clean the brass, choose wallpaper, and count my friends, forget the detractors. And Alice, best of luck for future visits, hope you've never regretted the decision to live where you are, we haven't, despite current practical difficulties. A group hug is in order (eldest son's way of ending a discussion, even it its been an acrimonious one).

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 10:59am

Dear Gardener, thank you for your metaphysical group hug. I often feel that is what Moodscope members do when they comment on blogs so heartfully and with such understanding and sharing. It is indeed a privilege to have grandchildren, and I am conscious that it is a privilege not gifted to everyone, so I loved reading of your happiness and joy in your family. Thank you for spreading the joy, in turn I wish it for you, keep working on your garden and keep smiling. Love Alice xx

Anonymous Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 9:32am

This is a wonderful reply to Alice's blog, ratg.
It's just the same for me and I really feel for you Alice. (And ratg being on your own) Don't apologise for whining Alice. You are not whining! You are not whining but telling it like it is. I feel drained when family come over and can't summon up the energy to be lighthearted with all the rushing around, doing everything that needs to be done. OK so I could let go and not see everything that needs to be done, I mean I should ignore it but I need to have some control and make the practical things, which don't require any emotional input, like meals, etc go smoothly. My husband asks me why does everything have to be so well planned and organised before they come and my answer is that if I can get that right, it won't matter quite so much if I am not on top form. My family don't know that I suffer from insomnia and depression so my effort is gigantic trying to be that person that I don't feel. I often feel used or taken advantage of and as if I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth. If only I could be more light hearted rather then sighing and yawning when loading the dishwasher etc and eventually when all that is done, flopping down with them in the lounge, saying in a false, high bright voice, right what shall we do now?! ( I can hear many people reading this and saying why doesn't she ask for help but I have never done this as I have always over compensated for my health issues by doing most things myself. Hard to explain) Thank you Alice for this marvellous blog. I relate to how you feel 100%.

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 11:17am

Dear Anonymous, thank you for this. I also relate to your words; help is hard if not impossible to ask for; independence and demonstrating (false) strength helps us kid ourselves (and others?) that we are OK; and obstacles have to be overcome with a smile. It is hard to find the energy when down. And it does feel like bringing them down to talk to friends or family about feeling depression or sadness. But I am glad that I have talked to them, even if they don't really understand, I just wish it didn't make them feel helpless to help. It's not all hopeless though, and I am in a much better place just now and am working hard to build my inner strength, as so many others do, to stay in that good place in my head. I think I have read here about the need to show our weakness to gain strength, indeed we all do that on Moodscope. Sending best wishes and sharing the group hug, Alice xx

Beverley Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 9:50am

Hi Alice I feel so sorry for you being disguarded in this way, I too have been pulled in all directions by my family and had to have counselling. He taught me we are entitled to change our minds and to say no but also how I was part of a victim triangle and that in itself can control your life.
Prepare ahead and give your self a time table and when they turn up tell your family when you are available, not be open to them at all times.

Try showing them that you do have a life without them even if your asking them to leave the house and go out for the day giving you time home alone.

Im afraid they wont think for you only themselves so you have to look after you hun maybe limit their visits to a number of days you can handle it and tell them you find any longer too much.

good luck

Bev

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 11:19am

Thank you Bev for your very practical advice xx

Mary Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 10:44am

Hi Alice. You're certainly not whining - you are sharing: a huge difference. And at this point I wrote a huge long rant about how we need to educate our families, but I think it would be better in a post. Just know that we can totally understand your situation and empathise with you. When you say that your family think that *they* are the answer to your depression I snorted with fellow feeling. Nope - when down I can't cope even with them when they're "wanting" or "needy." And when "up" I hate everybody anyway! There are many many days when the eremitic life sounds very appealing. Very appealing indeed.

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 11:23am

Dear Mary, thank you for the laugh! I love how you say what others think. I know you are struggling yourself just now, so the effort to send out vibes of comfort is doubly appreciated! I look forward to your post on families! Thank you, Alice xx

Lex Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 11:20am

Hi Alice, I know it's a bit off subject, but I just wanted to say how much I always enjoy your references to Alice in Wonderland. You capture my imagination. L'xx

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 11:24am

Glad you like that Lex! A bit of fun......... xx

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 11:27am

From the Dutchess: “Be what you would seem to be – or, if you’d like it put more simply – never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.”

Anonymous Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 11:34am

This is for Gardener.http://www.connexionfrance.com/Alzheimer-volunteer-Bergerac-English-speaking-Lacan-17269-view-article.html

Susannah Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 11:57am

A wonderful and articulate blog. Thank you Alice.
If I understand you correctly, you love your family visiting but it's too big a hit and for too long. You love your time with your grandchildren, but you are being used as a 24 hour babysitter.
My practical suggestion is... next time they invite themselves to stay, welcome them with open arms as normal, but tell them immediately that you have already have a commitment for a full day in the middle of their stay, so they'll have to look after themselves for that day.
You can then decide what you'd like to do (spa day, visit a National Trust property, dry skiing, theatre, cinema, reading quietly in the library or sitting in the park etc) and plan it, perhaps with a friend, who can come and call for you early. You could even ask a friend to call for you, to ensure you get out of the house early. Then go off and enjoy your day with your friend, or by yourself, recharging your batteries, and doing things for YOUR pleasure. Come back well after the family evening meal, preferably after the children have gone to bed.
You could also suggest that for another day you'd like a 'mum and child' day, so the partner can take the children all day, while you have some quality time with your child.
On a similar theme you could say you'd like one day with each of the children, so, if there are 3 kids you have 3 days just looking after one of them. Afterwards, make it clear that you had a lovely one-to-one time. Hopefully one child is easier than the full squad.
I hope that these suggestions are of some use.

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 12:14pm

Thank you Susannah, some lovely ideas here. Will write them in my diary and highlight them for future use. xx

susan Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 12:18pm

Alice, your blog was so a propos for me right now. It and all the wise comments have left me in tears...and now i've just read your Duchess quote and am giggling. Bit of a roller coaster ride this saturday morning:-).

My younger brother and wife came to stay a few weeks ago and i've been seething ever since with anger and disappointment at their lack of consideration or generosity. Suffering from ill health and depression didn't help of course, but even if i'd been well, they would have been hard to take. Some guests give energy, some take it. Good to know peoples' limitations so we can protect ourselves and manage future visits, i guess. If they had shown kindness -- eating out, offering to take us out, cooking a meal now and then, it would have made all the difference.

Perhaps rules need to be set down before guests come (as in 'i will cook fabulous meals for you on 3 of the 6 nights only....or 'you must get your own breakfasts'). I know a brother is different from our children and grandchildren coming to stay, but perhaps the same perspective is required.

You have shown me that my reaction is one i shouldn't feel guilty about. Sometimes i forget i'm not superwoman and that the depression makes everything harder. Ratg, your reference to 'the growth' is perfect. It was my goal to have my little brother leave knowing that his big sister loves him....and i think mission was accomplished. But i am left feeling bitter with no trace of sweet, and you've helped me see that it is the depression that makes the resentment worse...and that i, too, over compensate for it by trying to make things perfect. I may just be able to let it all go now.

Sorry, i've taken up a lot of space saying very little. HUGE thank you for your honest blog, Alice. Here's to a really happy and easier Christmas visit. susan xx

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 1:02pm

Dear Superwoman, and I'm sure you are superwoman really. It is good to laugh isn't it. “Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly. "I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more." "You mean you can't take less," said the Hatter: "it's very easy to take more than nothing." "Nobody asked your opinion," said Alice.” It seems your brother agreed with the Hatter.......but I'm sure your brother does know you love him, boys are not the most thoughtful of creatures but I'm surprised that his wife wasn't more thoughtful. It doesn't matter who your guests are, if they take advantage of you it does rankle! Perhaps we could both learn from some of these lovely ideas from you and Susannah, I like the sound of house rules! Talking of learning - I wonder if anyone this morning had a eureka moment realising what a lousy guest they have been at some point.... Much love, Alice xx

Petal Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 12:32pm

Hi Alice, I can relate to elements of your blog. I too do too much for my kids to compensate for not being able to run an organised home like their friend all seem to have.
I love the idea of Chrismas, but dread the pressure of gift buying and family gatherings, with inlaws to grin and bear. The endless guilt avoidance, spending money to make life easier. I so understand how you feel, it's all supposed to be enjoyable! I'm such a bar humbug! I'm so lucky to have family to be with etc etc. When what I really want to do is hibernate with my 2 kids and do my own thing my own way for the 2 weeks that I'm off work.
Last year there was a final straw from an inlaw and that was it. I simply stayed at home in my onesie for the whole of Christmas week. No one could believe that I could do such a terrible thing!!! The only part that I genuinely feel bad about is that it hurt my dad, who I love dearly and who is getting on. I've tried to make it up to him since. None of it spoken about with him. Just making sure he knows how much he's loved. I dont know whats happening this year. I think some of them think I'm using depression is an excuse to be selfish. Or maybe they dont, just me. We've been doing Christmas in pretty much the same way for my whole life. I dont want to do it anymore, but I might regret hurting my dad when he's gone.
Sorry to be so all about me. I really hope you find a gentle way of getting a little more support from your kids. Thank you for raising what it's like to be expected to be strong for family when you really dont feel up to it. Love to all xxx

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 1:11pm

Dear Petal, this site is about being able to say all those things that perhaps we bottle up at other times. I'm sorry you haven't been able to talk to your dad, do you not want him to know you are depressed? You might be surprised about how supportive he could be. After all he is your dad. I hope you work it out, can speak out. Change the format perhaps? Try not to carry too much guilt, that's something a lot of those commenting helped me to see and look after yourself. Love Alice xx

Eva Sun, Sep 27th 2015 @ 8:08am

Hi Petal I am approaching Xmas with slight dread as my dad passed away this year, we didn't have a proper Xmas last year as he was in hospital in a very poor state. But at least he was there and we sat and were with him. He was under heavy sedation so couldn't communicate but we held his hand and chatted to him about the day and past Xmas. Now I face the rest of my Xmas without him which is hard. I struggled being with our family year by year at xmas, but found ways to be there, and for me I am glad I did even though I regularly used to weep on the way home from the stress of it all. On occasion I had a cold or flu and I still went along but retreated to a corner under a blanket and actually those were my nicest Xmas as I was excused from the stress of the day, (my mum getting upset and then subsequent resistance to her anxiety and crossness) I got to be a bystander. In later years I worked out how to handle it so that I enjoyed the day, limiting time spent a little and relaxing as I would at home. Letting their individual strife be theirs, not mine, rather than getting emotionally involved in their (my mums) stress. I am not trying to say that you should or shouldn't do anything. I am just greatful that I spent every Xmas I could with my dad and that I managed eventually to enjoy it, as I miss him so much. Eva

The Gardener Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 2:04pm

Now look what you've started, Alice. First a huge thank you to Mary, who said (from our mutual black hole) keep alive that spark of courage. Bless you, Mary, you lit a flame. It is 'joy in the morning' after three agonizing days. Stress headache? Vicious attack on the coltsfoot which was spoiling my 'new' lawn. Then, apero in September sunshine, with a Drupi disc. (Unknown to most, a 70's 'one hit' wonder, Italian, who seemed to have a permanent sore throat). I danced to his 'Vado Via' at a night club (with a pink marble floor - outside) in the middle of Sicily. I was invited by the son of the seamstress opposite. I dumped my three youngest children with her four. The son who has caused me such aggro this week went off at 5 a.m with the husband and the donkey! into the mountains to harvest tomatoes and almonds. Which takes me on to Alice and advantage taking rellies because you live somewhere nice. My mother-in-law (written about in an unpublished blog) lived by the sea. My b-in-law (a young and impoverished university lecturer) took wife and two children down there for six weeks! Day 2 both women were in tears. He did not say 'my wife's not going to suffer this bullying (which it was) but kept his nose in his book. Result, awful. His wife's confidence destroyed (they went several times, so she had dread as well). She felt inadequate, marriage deteriorated, he found someone else, bitter divorce and two children scarred for life. We 'picked up the bits' of a couple of our age in our town, on the way to the boat for UK. They had managed to get their family together - 17 of them in a gite in the Dordogne. They said 'never again'. Villains were daughters and daughters-in-law. They were on holiday, and were not going to get up. But the children, full of excitement demanded breakfast and entertainment, provided, happily, I think, by grandparents. Then, they had envisaged glorious family meals, huge table, under the trees, Midi warmth, food, and wine - and the family would not eat at any pre-destined time. Two weeks of that. (I must refer to Leah and others, who said I should write a book. So look out). But, along the lines of 'joy' today I am going back to my husbands 70th birthday, when anybody who could streamed over from UK. 140 people in the garden for cocktails and glorious canapes. I'd hired an accordionist, the town allowed me to put barriers along the pavement on the way to the school hall where we were having dinner. Guests had tied rosettes along the way - and quite a lot of us danced along the road following the musician like the Pied Piper. 120 for dinner - fantastic. Son mentioned above, 6 foot 3, was photographed dancing with mother of French friends, 4ft 11 high and as far round, priceless. One note of unhappiness - youngest grandson, angelic blond aged five, had fallen in love with the baker's daughter, a blond sprite of 4 with bunches. He came to me, 'Granny, she won't speak to me'. Little language difficulty. Raucous games organised in the playground, no need of language. Around 1.30 I felt sorry for the musician who had played his heart out and paid him off (he was well in his 70's). Loud complaints. A lot of family and guests gathered up all the rest of the wine intending to continue the party on the pavement outside one of their hotels. The mean things had shut and taken tables and chairs in. However, they sat on the kerbstones singing the blues. We were not run it because the gendarmes were all asleep and the neighbours were at the party anyway. Seriously, what's the answer to getting the generations together? With Christmas fairly near, notorious for family discordance, can we find a recipe to avoid disaster? That's it, honestly.

Nicola Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 5:53pm

Oh Alice, you have my sympathy! RATG - loved 'Depression is not really understood by those who have not held that burning stone.' - yes, I can understand that only too well. And Mary, you made me snort with laughter that 'And when "up" I hate everybody anyway! There are many many days when the eremitic life sounds very appealing. Very appealing indeed.' - instant recognition! And that, I think, is the great value of this site, a tribe who understand. I wish you all a lovely weekend xx

Alice Sat, Sep 26th 2015 @ 11:51pm

And to you too lovely Nicola xxx

Marie Sun, Sep 27th 2015 @ 10:16pm

Hello!

I have started to make a "take care of me" schedule when I am going to spend time with my family since I never know ahead how I will feel or how the days actually will look like. The schedule has helped me a lot since I often take on to much when I have good days, with both fysical and mental crashes as a result.

The "take care f yourself" schedule doesn't have to be filled with how the days should look. Just put in some "just you"-time, rest-time etc. everyday - best if you make time for longer breaks everyday.

Before you are going to spend time with your family you can show or give them a copy of that schedule and also explain why you have to do like that. That will show you have difficulties you need do take serious, that you care abut your health and also that you are being responsible thinking ahead.

Either way, I wish you the best. :)

Marie

Marie Sun, Sep 27th 2015 @ 10:18pm

P.S. And please do forgive my misspellings.

Alice Sun, Sep 27th 2015 @ 11:32pm

Hi Marie. Thank you for commenting. I like that idea. It's really cool. Nothing to forgive and everything to give thanks for xxxx

Alice Sun, Sep 27th 2015 @ 11:34pm

Hi Marie. Thank you for commenting. I like that idea. It's really cool. Nothing to forgive and everything to give thanks for xxxx

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