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Choose your words. Thursday June 22, 2017

Our choice of words to others says so much more about us than we realise. An entitlement air opinions can be confused as an opportunity to open and flutter the peacock's tail-feathers and have ones own ego stroked, or put someone down in an attempt to dress-up 'honesty' with being just plain rude and spiteful.

Respect is not a given in life, it can be lost but it can also be gained. Given if received. How we make others feel with our words speaks volumes as to where we are with ourselves. Some words are transparent enough that they are the windows to ones own struggle.

Thoughts don't always have to be vocalised. Opinions can be overrated and unwarranted. Less is sometimes more and usually it is the unspoken that lingers the loudest.

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." Dorothy Nevill.

Why spit arrows when taking a step back allows silence to speak for itself?

The Trusty-Yogi
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Jane SG Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 6:24am

Thanks for this blog TTY. Very true. Its good to sometimes try to remember to use diplomacy and tact. It can also be very effective. It can be difficult when feeling passionate about something, or tired and grumpy. Thank you for the reminder.

Orangeblossom Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 7:47am

Thanks for the thoughtful & encouraging blog. I benefitted from reading it.

Mary Wednesday Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 8:05am

Regarding the latter part of your quotation "leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment", my friend of longest standing and I have an agreement: if something just *has* to be said (usually witty but possibly tactless or even cruel), we will say it. We will then look at each other and laugh; because when you have known someone for over 40 years, you understand. In all other conversations, yes; it is often best to follow the advice of President Coolidge: "nothing is often the best thing to do, and ways the right thing to say."

Larry Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 9:15am

Thank you TTY - well said/written, totally agree with this wisdom and when mindfully-conscious (ha!)I do try to implement this better way of communication - it can also save a lot of unwarranted anxt and it does bring a certain kind of respect. To throw a sparrow in, I do however also find that this 'think before you speak' removes a certain naturalness and can also inadvertently encourage forms of manipulation. When I sense this from people speaking to me, who choose their words wisely, depending on who they are (as I know them) and what the subject matter is, it can lead to elements of mistrust. When that happens I either 'play the game'(when not feeling confident) or put a cat amongst the pigeons by replying plainly (when feeling confident, or, just very annoyed). However, if I sense no manipulation/or mind game I then do respect that person for choosing the spoken words. Mary - you made me smile, thank you!

Eva Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 9:17am

Thus is such good advice, I do try to adhere to this. Plus remaining silent gives you more thinking time. And sometimes I can come back to a topic later... I.E. Do you remember when we were talking about x, I had a few thoughts...

Left a note to Sal, and Mary on yesterday's blog.

Sheena Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 9:25am

I agree with all the above! Communication is after all a two way process and if it is clear from someone's words, gestures or attitude hearing the 'truth' is not useful at that time, well why should be indulge ourselves knowing it could be badly received? Sheena

The Gardener Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 1:36pm

It's my birthday, Mr G has wrecked the last 4. He is in respite, I found an Aussie friend, chosen because she is well and cheerful, and had lunch with her. We talked, like the walrus - we get on like equals, yet she and my 2nd son will be 60 this year. Talked a lot recently of a 'companionable' silence. Friends came in to tea yesterday, obviously got an excellent marriage (56 years, he goes back to UK for his 80th birthday next month). But they do NOT communicate before 9 a.m! Perhaps there is great wisdom in NOT talking when not at your best. My Ma felt it was her 'duty' to converse, with nothing to converse about. I used to feel that one had to 'jump into' a silence. As someone who loved social occasions and entertaining my enforced 'solitude' is in great danger or making me 'garrulous'. Among our crazier meetings was a Doctor - very intelligent - locked up once or twice for her views - but she had a system of the 'pepper pot' - the one who had it (why pepper I know not) had the floor, and should not be interrupted. Another of her dictums was so wise, in large families every child should be the 'only' child at certain times, make their views known, and not submit to larger/noisier siblings. Time for a little lie down before fetching Mr G. Agree with Sheena

Molly Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 4:10pm

Happy Birthday Gardener!! xx

Frankie Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 6:25pm

Yes Happy Birthday, dear Gardener. Frankie xx

Jane SG Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 8:48pm

Happy Birthday! Xx

LP Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 10:24pm

Happy Birthday TG! LP xx

Molly Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 4:21pm

I totally agree with this post, less is more etc, but unfortunately I cannot keep my mouth shut, and it mainly does me no favours, but I cannot help it. As mentioned previously with an exchange with Poppy on Leah's blog, we speak the truth (hurtful and pushes people away) or we let things fester and explode (equally unhelpful). I would love to do the silent treatment and win the day although I agree with Larry - this can be seen as manipulative. Personally I like everything out in the open but that makes me to be seen as confrontational and argumentative. Thanks for the blog, as I will try and zip my mouth up but it is doubtful I will succeed. We are who we are...... Molly xx

Wyvern Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 4:25pm

My beloved Papa and I used to sit in companionable silence, even before he lost his hearing. It was always easy to have a conversation with him as he didn't rush in to put his opinion over - and I never had a problem with not being able to get a word in edgeways! Much missed. I have only Eldest Son now who is able to do this.

Frankie Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 6:24pm

So true, TY; "less is more"; I am sure the world would be a better place if everyone practised such self-restraint.

The Gardener Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 7:14pm

Thanks for wishes, above. In serious danger of 'attention seeking'.The old saying 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' is not true. And it is re words, blog subject. I went to fetch Mr G from respite - staff and all other respite patients sang 'Happy Birthday', and we started chatting. Mr G was in the toilet. when he returned and found me enjoying conversing with others he blew up and started shouting. I KNOW he's like that, I KNOW it can only get worse - but achieving a 'bullet proof vest' against this lot is proving a big challenge. Wyvern, you were lucky in the relationship with your Dad. We have a wide range of friends - but there are many 'steam-rollers' among them, whose domination of any conversation is getting worse. Quite often they are the people who most need companionship - cause and effect?

Eva Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 10:41pm

Happy birthday Gardener, sending you a virtual hug.

Eva Thu, Jun 22nd 2017 @ 10:43pm

Just wanted to add, that sometimes not responding right away gives you time not only to go away and assess your response, but also time to look at the situation from different view points and then sometimes you decide that actually what they said from their standpoint is fine.

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