What do I choose today? Tuesday March 3, 2015
I am currently struggling to deal with overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, helplessness and sadness.
Now, the sadness is understandable as I and the family go through the various stages of bereavement; the helplessness is also understandable given the latest management decision at work to set targets which my team and I know we cannot hope to meet; but the inadequacy? Why do I always assume that I am inadequate? Why can I only see the stuff I am failing to do (oh yes, there is plenty of that) and yet not see what I am achieving? And my nearest and dearest patiently and persistently try to highlight my achievements but I dismiss their efforts since they "...really don't understand the (work) situation". It has got to such a pitch that yesterday I announced (thankfully only at home) that I am resigning. (I haven't - so far!)
So, what can I do? Well lots of things really, if I choose to...and that is the point;
I, and only I, can choose my response to my situation. I can stay put and bemoan my lot, which only serves to make me feel more wretched so I don't want to do that. I can leave, feeling a failure, and resentful; I certainly don't want to do that. I can stay, and do my best to change my response to the situation, by recognising that the targets set are ridiculous, by remembering that everyone in my team recognises how ridiculous the targets are so I am not alone; by remembering that I am grieving, so I need to cut myself some slack and by reminding myself every day of the choice I have made.
For it is in changing my response to the situation AND in reminding myself daily of my choice that will enable me to challenge my feelings of inadequacy.
It reminds me of the Serenity Prayer:
(God) Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
A Moodscope member.