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October


Talking and more... Friday October 18, 2019


Sigmund Freud called the process of counselling and therapy: "The talking cure." And I for one, agree.

An emergency responder told me in reference to physical wounds: "we start healing the moment we are injured." I like to think that applies emotionally and spiritually as well. I believe it.

Two years ago I was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend and he was not charged by police. When I complained they reinvestigated and the results were the same. No charges.

While it was upsetting, my personal power came back to me as soon as I told the perpetrator I was not going to keep his dirty secrets. Predators thrive on silence and he got none from me.

Even prior to this experience, the police never have or ever will make or break my life or define my personal value in any way. So their behaviour stays with them. I still maintain it is better to report than not to. It put distance inbetween myself and what happened; the event goes from internal to external. It pushes it away.

Having Borderline Personality Disorder causes me to withdraw from people or at times draw toward the wrong ones. I suspect it played a part in the man being allowed into my life to begin with against my better instincts. I know now I can absolutely trust my guts. And I have ever since.

Talking is sometimes all I have; the only resistance to mental illness, the sole recourse for bad incidents that led me here in the first place; to BPD and PTSD.

I don't know that I can say I have completely forgiven him(or the injustice of the law) but I am not where I was two years ago.

When it comes to forgiveness two quotes come to mind. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You eat the elephant one tea spoon at a time. I believe forgiveness is the ultimate distance between me and bad actors and their behaviours and the ultimate FREEDOM.

Someone once told me that mental illness has its roots in the inability to give or forgive. So it won't be done as a favor to a foe but rather as a gift to myself. Another cure, if you would.

I don't expect all mental illness is curable but definetley treatable. Who would have thought that forgiving, as in; "to remember without the emotions," was a way to treat yourself.

Little Johnny had the concept of perception correctly when he was made not only to go to his corner but to sit rather than stand like he would have wished. Once his mother was out of earshot he declared:"I may be sitting on the outside but I am still standing on the inside."

I sometimes feel and have said as much:"talking is all I have!" But then there is my choice of perception and what I am going to do with my experiences. That which doesn't kill you can only liberate you more. It depends what you do with it.

When forgiveness comes, with time and choice and processing, I won't reconnect with an unsafe person. I will just be that much more free than simply talking about it would have provided.

Bailey
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to leave a comment below.


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