Moodscope's blog

25

June


School report. Wednesday June 25, 2014

You can learn a lot from your children.

Last Friday my daughter brought home her first end of year school report from senior school.

Now, if put in a corner and forced to honestly describe my daughter I would say "she's a nice kid, moderately bright; works hard." And, if her school report had basically said that I think we would have all been happy.

Obviously nice kids who work hard are at a bit of premium these days and so her report was full of superlatives that, while gratifying to us as parents was rather embarrassing and deeply distressing to my daughter.

Because she's a realist with unrealistic expectations of herself.

Let me explain: the majority of her friends are highly academic children who effortlessly achieve higher grades than she does. She knows this perfectly well, compares herself to them and so does not think the positive comments on her report deserved. She is also the kind of child who, if there are 100 marks available in a test, will only be satisfied if she scores all 100 with an extra ten bonus points for immaculate presentation. She thinks she could have done better this year; she should have done better and is uneasy with the fulsome acknowledgement of her actual achievements for the year.

Yes, you're quite right; that kind of thinking is not the ideal recipe for mental health.
So there I am, comforting my distressed child, explaining that it's absolutely OK to be happy and proud that her teachers think so highly of her; that her teachers are judging her on her own potential and not comparing her to her more academic friends and that, actually, we're pretty happy and proud ourselves to be her parents.

And a little voice inside my head is saying "And you know exactly where she gets this from don't you? Just listen to yourself and learn that lesson too."

Quite a number of us have far higher expectations of ourselves than others do. Quite a number of us denigrate our own (often substantial) achievements by comparing ourselves to others. Quite a number of us are profoundly uneasy receiving praise and compliments as our due.

So perhaps we could learn to listen to others and not just dismiss all the good stuff. Being a nice person who works hard and always does their best is a pretty good thing to be; no matter what our own opinion of that best is. And, maybe, just maybe, we might better than we think we are.

(Well, not me – obviously: I know I'm rubbish... Oops!)

Mary
A Moodscope member.


Permalink  |  Blog Home

Comments

Comments are viewable only by members. Register Now to participate in the discussion.

Already have an account? Login to leave a comment.

There are 13 comments so far.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive

Disclaimer

Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.

We exist to help people to positively manage their moods. You can contribute by taking the test, sharing your experience on the blog or contributing funds so we can keep it free for all who need it.

Moodscope® is © Moodscope Ltd 2018. Developed from scales which are © 1988 American Psychological Association. Cannot be reproduced without express written permission of APA.