On the periphery. Sunday January 29, 2017
A theme runs through my life, of being on the periphery. Somehow always on the edge of what's happening. But it feels comfortable here, in the cloisters, a soft web shades, protects and envelops me. I can watch what's going on in the brighter centre from safety, without an uncomfortable spotlight on me, a grey shadowy image. Undisturbed.
For several years I have been reading the Moodscope blogs. I don't have the terrible challenges that some of the other writers have. I admire their bravery and courage; tears come to my eyes as they describe their feelings and thoughts. One day I realise, I am watching, from the outside, a different world. I feel like some sort of voyeur- I stop reading.
A couple of weeks go by. Then I come back, now I am reading not just the blogs but also the comments, some times a few times a day - I wonder what I am doing. I realise that no I don't have severe depression or anxiety, but I know that in my adult life, I have stubbornly fought against being mildly depressed refusing to accept it, and I must have more anxiety than a "normal" person. I hadn't noticed the anxiety - my family & friends had commented. The conclusion is, here I am because I am on the borders, not somebody with entrenched depression and anxiety but with some mild condition, and the blogs help me.
So from the cloisters for those in the centre, I salute you and offer to share my woolly web cloak to warm and protect you.
A Moodscope member.
Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.