4

May

Chapter 1, In Which I am an Egg
            I Am at Peace
            I Am Oblivious to both The Horrors and Happiness of Living ‘Out There’
 
Chapter 2, In Which I Become a Caterpillar
            I Live in Fear
But the Leaves Taste Magical
I Forget My Fear in the Joy of the Moments
 
Chapter 3, In Which I Embrace the Chrysalis Stage
            I Am Hidden, in the Secret Place
            Everything Feels Out of Sorts
            But in Motion
            I Am Transforming from the Inside Out
 
Chapter 4, In Which (Allegedly) I Will Finally Become the Imago
            I’ll Push, Push Free
            I’ll Fly Free
            I’ll Feed... On Nectar
            I’ll Fly High Above My Former Circumstance
            I’ll Find Love
 
I know, what’s that all about?

Weird.

I’m such a fan of metamorphosis.

Just because we humans don’t go through so many very obvious changes as a butterfly or frog or dragonfly doesn’t mean that our own transformations are any less ‘miraculous’.
 
As a child, I was blissfully ignorant of the harsh realities of this world – at least for a few months.  Then I started to crawl.
 
Growing up, my Ugly Caterpillar phase, I spent most of the time in fear, hiding from the bullies – the predators, but there were amazing things too.  For me, it was pond life – an adoration of Newts and Great Diving Beetles, of Sticklebacks and Water Boatmen. In those moments of awe of the Natural World, I forgot all troubles and fears.
 
What captured your imagination growing up?
 
I’ve been in the Chrysalis phase for years. My tummy is constantly churning. It feels like all my organs are finding new places – because they are currently out of place. My inward being is ‘soup’ – mushy.
 
As I slowly sort myself out, I discover that The Way of the Caterpillar with its juvenile tastes, worldview, and limiting beliefs, no longer appeal or suits me. They served me for a while, but that time has long gone.
 
I also uncover a whole ton of non-sense installed in my brain from parents and teachers, media and musings, siblings and peers. None of it invited or asked for or welcome. Turns out none of them was quite the authority on all the subjects they purported to be.
 
In my soup-state, I am learning to rethink, to challenge, to re-invent.
 
I am revolting!
 
Rumour has it there is something beyond this chaos. A time when I can break free and fly.
A time when I can become the best version of ‘me’ I was ‘meant’ to be.
 
Some say there is love out there too. 
 
Me, I’m cynical, sceptical, unbelieving.
 
But maybe, just maybe…

Lex
A Moodscope member.

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