5

May

Hearing the infrasounds

Tuesday May 5, 2020

The elephants who hear the thunderstorms 500 kilometres away. Or the sound of approaching tsunami an hour before its arrival. Who rumble and call with infrasounds... As do the mammoths of the ocean deeps, the Whales, call across the miles...

I awoke this morning a little early aching and feeling heavy and a bit reluctant to move, yet unable to get comfortable. At 6s and 7s with the dawning. Yet no particular signals said flu or stomach upset, no arthritis grumbling from knees hips or spine... so why did I feel so "ugh"?

I felt gingerly around in my achy brain... there was tension somewhere. But where and what from? How could I clear it if I couldn't find the source?

I lay quiet, and remembering the Moodscope scale, I started an internal scan to look at those 20 words... Anger pain sorrow loss grief uncomfortable acceptance rejection fear flight fight... Wait a minute, something's becoming apparent... I want to... cry?? I weep tears which relieve these feelings. I am feeling too acutely the infrasounds of a planet in jeopardy... I can't carry all this pain. The release of tears, like pouring off the overfilled kettle.

The planet still cries but now I am more balanced. Now I can listen to the wind and the occasional police or ambulance siren and puss who is vocalising his breakfast needs. Munching muesli I have a "bingo" moment. I am getting too pulled in to the tv and radio and getting overloaded with stress from all the coverage about Covid '19. Hmmmm, yes I really know; I think I should, possibly, explore adjusting my meds a bit!

For the first time ever I voluntarily contact my community psychiatric team and get some sensible advice and oh boy that's a relief. My management plan allows for me to adjust my meds and 4 days on with a withdrawal from the tv and media I am pleasantly surprised that I feel a bit calmer.

I feel in control again and now two and half weeks later I am coping better with lock down.

I have concentrated on more phone calls to friends and giggling when I can't work out how to unmute what's app videos... a friend and I were in tears of laughter and my goodness that chased the blues away.

I'm figuring out which supermarket near me has the safest routines and the quietest times to go, and reminding myself I have a freezer of food to eat. And neighbours who I didn't really know before but who have now offered to fetch groceries.

It is a different world outside... I don't have an elephant to hear the "storms" coming but as I grow calmer and more accepting I can focus more on the joy of my garden and (for goodness sake Ach, you're big enough now to admit you don't bake), I have a cookery project... in my cupboard are 2 packets of brownie mix. There are two little girls next door - I wonder if I can make some brownies for them :-)

May your day go well Moodscopers.

Ach xx
A Moodscope member.

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