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18

June


Finding Ways to Heal Yourself. Saturday June 18, 2016

So this is a poem I wrote in my early twenties, a long time ago, when mobile phones were like bricks and only rich men in Land Rovers had them.

It's generally stayed in my computer, shared with a few people over the years. Some didn't know how to respond, because it's pretty out there in terms of feelings. But I think you're ready for it. In fact, I think of all the people I could share it with, you lot (or some of you anyway) will get it.

And just so we're clear, I'm proud of this poem, I think it's a great poem (Now, now, let's not carried away, Self-Ed). It's the point where I started to find ways to heal myself after a very difficult time in my teens; and is something I've come back to at points in my life, different lines resonating according to what was going on at the time.

Getting things out on the page can be so useful, can't it? Just one of the ways as I've seen here that we separate out and make sense of our different selves.

Glass Walls of Illusion.

I

I see you and speak
We laugh and we talk
but I'm numb.
I see all the colours
Can touch and be touched
but I'm numb.
The winter of cold.
The desert of soul.
I am numb.
Belief in Him gone.
Belief in what? None
I am numb

I am numb
I am dumb
I am done

You have all the answers.
She has all the answers.
They have all the answers
But me? I am dumb
Either that or I'm numb

And you at your centre
Have love the placenta
And me at my centre
Have hole the conjecture
And outside that space
Are iced walls of face
I am numb.

The passion is buried
The feelings are gone
The greyness is come
I am done

II

Of course you're not done
You hear beats from the drum
The heart is deep, covered
In layers of scum
But you are not numb
And nor are you dumb

It's 'me' that is smothered
by Voices uncovered
Through deep, searching questions of
who is and why was
and when was and what is
But 'I' am not numb

While 'me' is there sobbing
The 'I' is deep, throbbing
A bright, golden glowing
Of sure certain knowing
That life in the cosmos
is bigger and better than
'I' and 'me' or 'thou' and 'thee'
Life is not numb, it's fun

And it's hope & jokes & love & cheers
that keep us going through the years
So keep that in mind
when you're numb

Yes sometimes you feel numb
But you are not numb
The glass is illusion
The 'me' is confusion
And you are not done
You've begun.

A View From The Far Side
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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