Finding peace. Saturday May 10, 2014
Six months ago I was lucky enough to be given six weeks counselling on the NHS; lucky because this therapist explained and laid to rest the mystery of why I was treated the way I was as a child by my mother.
It transpires she has a condition called 'Borderline Personality Disorder'. As to my father's behaviour, she drew a blank.
As an example, when I was young my brother was always called darling - I was Penny!
There were times when I was suddenly ignored, not spoken to or smiled at for days on end.
Cruel things were said to me completely out of context, interfering with my seemingly innocent day to day life, leading to confusion and guilt as to "what had I done now"!
Low self esteem led to me becoming a victim and being bullied at school.
Later, unnecessary phone calls with messages from my mother, passed on via my father - Christmas was disappointing. The plates weren't hot on Christmas Day. Where was the trifle? The presents weren't up to much and the grandchildren didn't thank them enough, or give them presents that matched what had been given to them.
After years of putting up with feelings of guilt and misery, a complete nervous breakdown and two courses of anti-depressants I am coming in to the light.
I have said NO MORE!!
Reading up on Borderline Personality Disorder, allowing only those that love & respect me into my life, loving myself and nurturing the young Penny too, has, at last, after 55 years brought peace!
A Moodscope member.
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