29

May

Dwelling

Friday May 29, 2020

I’m feeling low. Previously when I’ve had periods of feeling low I’ve been worried that my depression is coming back; but this time I’m not worried about that. Perhaps because I know life is unusual right now so there’s hope that when “things go back to normal” maybe I’ll go back to “normal” too. Regardless I’m struggling to keep it together and to keep positive.

I took myself for a walk this evening and was ruminating. I have poor eating habits and lockdown has made this hard. My eating has not been what I want it to be. In fact my eating has never been what I want it to be. But it has been better than this. And so, with my eating as it is, negative thoughts come, worthlessness sky rockets and I stop seeing myself with a neutral perspective.

I observed this on my walk and tried to CBT my way out of it. But the thing is, when I feel like this, I feel that  I don’t deserve to feel better. That I ought to dwell in the depths of self loathing. That I’ve brought this upon myself and should therefore be punished for it. I appreciate these are yet further unsubstantiated “truths” to be blasted apart by CBT but I just seem to end up in a cycle which doesn’t actually work.

This means that, as with other low periods, right now I’m struggling to get myself out of my funk.

I’m wondering if anyone out there has experienced similar personal refusal to see any positivity and if you’ve found any successful strategies that I might be able to try?

With love and hope

Shizzle
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


Comments

Comments are viewable only by members. Register Now to participate in the discussion.

Already have an account? Login to leave a comment.

There are 69 comments so far.


What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive

Disclaimer

Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.