Moodscope's blog

5

October


Confronting the elephant. Thursday October 5, 2017

Mary recently wrote about an elephant in the room. I was immediately moved to write about my attempt to confront the elephant in my family which didn't go exactly as I wanted, but has improved the situation nevertheless.

My elephant is that I suffered what I call emotional abuse from my mother from being a child until, well, who knows? Other family members have acknowledged it, although they may call it something else. Not getting on. An odd situation. A difficult relationship. She calls it... well, nothing. She refuses to accept that any of it happened. She won't even concede that our relationship has ever even been difficult. Any time I have tried to raise even the smallest incident it has been denied and I've been told that I make things up. That's partly how she got away with it all for so long, by convincing everyone that I make things up.

After 40 years, which have contained unacknowledged periods where we haven't spoken for months or even years at a time, I decided enough was enough and I was going to confront it head on in a way she couldn't easily ignore. I wrote her a letter. It wasn't a huge blaming kind of a letter, just letting her know that I wasn't going to be able to see her until we could at least talk about the past.

She replied saying she hoped I was better soon and able to see her again. It was pretty much what I expected but still sad. My mental illness was once again positioned as the problem rather than her behaviour.

Since then, I haven't seen her, but I feel a lot better. I have faced up to the elephant even if she isn't able to. Sometimes it's hard, not having her in my life, but then I remind myself how hard it was having her in my life and I feel okay about it. I have regained some control. So, even if seeing the elephant doesn't work out the way you'd like, it can still be the best thing to do.

Alba
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


Permalink  |  Blog Home

Comments

Comments are viewable only by members. Register Now to participate in the discussion.

Already have an account? Login to leave a comment.

There are 18 comments so far.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive

Disclaimer

Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.

We exist to help people to positively manage their moods. You can contribute by taking the test, sharing your experience on the blog or contributing funds so we can keep it free for all who need it.

Moodscope® is © Moodscope Ltd 2018. Developed from scales which are © 1988 American Psychological Association. Cannot be reproduced without express written permission of APA.