25

April

Closer to Happy

Saturday April 25, 2020

My blog isn't about the grief, sadness, worry and sacrifice that is the reality of this pandemic for many. I send my heartfelt wishes for healing to anyone who is suffering as a result. This is about my mental health and the silver lining of it all for me and possibly many.

So many times in the past, my life has felt too busy. I have been overwhelmed by the demands from outside and chaos in my home. No time to sort through the clutter. It'd take a year!

I've been putting work first to avoid more stress. Neglecting home and our happiness.
Feeling a constant pull and guilt from extended family.

Feeling like life is passing me by, that I could be "out there" enjoying all that life has to offer, yet I'm stuck and locked into a place where my life is not my own.

I dream of where my family are from, a slow pace of life.
Simple. Quiet. Sunny and warm. Fetch supplies.
Doing in the morning, being in the afternoons.
Back to nature. An old fashioned life.

When things get too much I feel like a hamster in a wheel that is out of my control and my mind screams stop! I want to get off!

And then Lockdown.

I've been heard!
I have to get off and I don't want it to end!
Easter break.
No complicated holiday plans.
No work stress.

No extended family pressure, guilt, obligation, but more communication and joint effort with essentials, rather than unnecessary nonsense. No obligation to socialise. No worry that I am missing out on all sorts of things, places, people.

I like this. I like that all I have to do is stay at home. Just me and my kids, old enough to help out and past any education pressures or stress. No toing and frowing. A break from their money and career worries. Young enough to enjoy what young people enjoy, laughs, music, box sets, gadgets, the novelty of baking, sun bathing, chatter. It's beautiful to watch and I am deeply grateful.

I love the simple routine.
Out to fetch essentials.
Exercise in nature everyday, (in theory anyway!)
Home cooked food.
One job in the home a day.
Time to sort through the clutter. Time to rest.
Time for yoga.
Time for reading.
Time for writing, a blog even!
Time for hobbies, games, films.
Time for the pleasure of gardening, rather than just weed and overgrowth control!

Time to feel part of a community, to offer help freely and with pleasure. To give back to those who are out there saving lives. Being touched by how people are pulling together and being kind. The togetherness that comes from major events that enables us to feel connected as citizens. The need for help that brings out the best in us.

No guilt! I haven't selfishly chosen to be in, I have to be! It's the law!
I can take each day.
Enough sleep.
It feels like I was heard!
It stopped and I got off.
Much needed.

I don't want to get back onto the hamster wheel, but when I do, I'll know more about what's important and what I want.

And maybe, when I do get time off, rather than feel guilty that I'm wasting time, I want it to feel like another guilt free "Lockdown"...

My kind of bliss.

Love and light to All.

Lillypet xx

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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