Moodscope's blog

29

July


Art Vs Monsters. Saturday July 29, 2017

I've suffered from depression since I was a teenager. It all came to be because of problems I cannot speak about (yet, one day I'll do it,) and I admit that doing it now may help, but I'm just not sure.

School didn't help. I tried going to a psychologist, but for various reasons I couldn't keep going. Imagine how I felt: alone, like no one cared about me, no one wanted to give me a hand. Too many emotions that a teenage boy should have to deal with, mostly because almost all of them were the result of internal struggles I couldn't share with my family (and I still can't.)

I started to cut, torture myself in many ways and my nail-biting, a lifetime habit I cannot stop, got worse. The hole I was being buried in was becoming deeper and deeper, my voice felt weaker and my dreams became nightmares...

Even suicide came to my thoughts as an exit, so I wrote a letter, made my plans and one day when I felt I couldn't take it anymore, took some deep breaths and prepared to do it: jump from one of my school's buildings so I could kill myself and end it all. One, two, three, four seconds, and suddenly, in the fifth, something clicked in my mind.

Was I really that weak? Was I really going to give up, as easy as that? Was I going to lose all my dreams? Oh hell no! I was fighting back my demons. Thanks to my friends and my headphones, music became an exit, a way to distract my mind, and drawing and writing became another one for my nightmares to get out of my head once and for all; so I stood up, looked for one, anyone, of my friends, and almost ran to her, cried the hell out of me and let her know every single thing.

The next day I was feeling worse than ever, so just put on my headphones, turned the volume up, went to school and faced everyone who knew what happened the day before, all my classmates that had seen the cuts, the dark circles under my eyes, read the Poe-like poems I wrote and acted as if it was just another one of my stories.

Art, in any form, can help you, it's just a matter of finding the one you like. You don't need to be good at it, just to like it and feel great while and after using it as your escape. Theater, writing, music, poems, sculpture, reading, whatever you think it may help, don't stop doing it, ever.

Also try and talk. It gets worse if you don't. They win if you give up and swallow all of those feelings, and deep inside, there's a little part of you screaming "HELL NO!" Listen to it, as I did back then and still do, because there are moments when I want to give up and cut again, but that's just going to help for a couple of seconds. The wounds become another problem later, and we already have enough.

Greetings.

Alan D.D.
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


Permalink  |  Blog Home

Comments

Comments are viewable only by members. Register Now to participate in the discussion.

Already have an account? Login to leave a comment.

There are 15 comments so far.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive

Disclaimer

Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.

We exist to help people to positively manage their moods. You can contribute by taking the test, sharing your experience on the blog or contributing funds so we can keep it free for all who need it.

Moodscope® is © Moodscope Ltd 2018. Developed from scales which are © 1988 American Psychological Association. Cannot be reproduced without express written permission of APA.