Jon's blog
26
February
Tuning in, tuning out. Sunday February 26, 2012
Just like a TV or radio, your mind generally shows just one channel or station at a time.
At times you may be doing the equivalent of itchy-fingered channel hopping, flitting between various thoughts for seconds at a time. But the truth is, when you're genuinely thinking about one thing it's almost impossible to focus on another at the same time.
Perhaps, then, when you're bogged down with the sort of thinking you'd rather not have, one way of helping yourself is to occupy your mind with another matter, leaving no space for the bad stuff?
Easier said than done, you may think. Especially if life consists of a number of worries. It may feel that the only alternative to brooding about (a) is to fret about (b) or (c) instead.
I think this is where paying proper attention to your surroundings can play its part.
In the Scouts we played 'Kim's Game', in which you were shown a tray with a couple of dozen objects on it (knife, paintbrush, key, comb etc), then when the tray was covered over, you had to try and recall what you'd seen.
In the trickier version, one item was removed out of sight, then the tray was shown again, the challenge being to identify the thing which was no longer there.
If you've played the game yourself, you'll know that it's nowhere near as easy as it sounds. It involves some seriously focused concentration.
Why not put this technique to work next time your thoughts take you to a place in which you'd rather not be?
Take a good look at your surroundings - a really good look - and take proper notice of them. Think hard about what you're seeing and you may just give your worries a respite.
Sometimes it can be a blessing that we do mainly have one-track minds.
25
February
Horses and donkeys. Saturday February 25, 2012
We love to classify things, organising our world into neat little boxes.
But then along comes the mule.
There were the zoologists, secure in the knowledge that they'd classified horses and donkeys as separate species, then they turned their backs just for a minute and - what do you know - a male donkey gets jiggy with a female horse and around a year later out pops an in-betweeny, a mule.
I've obviously led a sheltered life, as while researching this, I learnt that the opposite, er, coming together of a female donkey and a male horse (you are keeping up, aren't you?) may lead to a rarer offspring known as a hinny.
The thing is, our neat little classification systems often break down, and insisting that everything has a box and that everything is in its box may lead us astray at times.
I thought of this last week during a fascinating conversation with some other people who supposedly have the same bipolar disorder as me.
Although our experiences had much in common, there were whole chunks which were very different from each other.
When you face your own challenges with mood, it's tempting to believe that someone else who's gone through similar times will know exactly how you feel.
But very likely they won't, and can't.
It's why it's so so important to use your best efforts to make sense of your own feelings. Others can definitely help, but when it comes to true understanding, there's only one real expert.
You.
24
February
No defence. Friday February 24, 2012
Arguments sit at the very heart of politics and law.
One side has its view, the other another.
Then it's all about attack and defence, back and forth, parry and thrust, which for an outsider can seem bewilderingly confrontational.
I never really got the debating society thing at school which is very possibly why I'm neither a politician nor a lawyer.
Despite this, I think most of us feel we're 'supposed' to defend our point of view. When someone takes an opposing position about something in which you hold a belief, it can feel like an attack on you.
And when we're attacked, we're programmed to defend ourselves, which may sometimes take the form of fighting back.
Often, though, what really is the point?
Just as you're hardly likely to agree with everyone else's way of seeing things, neither are they always going to concur with yours.
You only have so much mental energy, and when the fuel tank is low, pursuing arguments can drain it.
So, maybe, just don't.
A wise man once told me that I should feel no need to defend my point of view.
And you know what? There's no arguing with that.
Lastly, just in passing and talking of politics, I'm happy to report that UK Health Secretary Andrew Lansley referred to Moodscope in a speech on Wednesday. Caroline caught it on her iPhone so we've popped it on YouTube (Moodscope mention at 00:42):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7CdGJUnfAg
23
February
A plug for unplugging. Thursday February 23, 2012
Although I don't really feel old, I do remember a time before technology.
My parents didn't own a television until a few years after I was born. We didn't have a telephone until I was old enough to remember it being installed.
There were no computers, games consoles or iPods.
But to claim there was 'no' technology wouldn't be correct.
There was an old-fashioned valve radio in the living room which took a few seconds to warm-up and come on. There was a record player with its associated stack of shellac 78s.
Yikes. I don't feel old, but I'm all-too aware that writing this does make me look very aged indeed.
The thing is, however, we've probably all had gizmos and gadgets around us for most of our lives. They've become hugely more complicated and sophisticated, but one way or another we've adopted them as part of our lives.
Good or bad thing?
Well not surprisingly I'm in favour of a lot of the fantastic stuff that technology allows us to do.
As a teenager I published my ideas to fifty people at a time using a primitive spirit duplicator (loved the smell of the copies though). Now I can write to many thousands of people a day, sitting at a table in a coffee shop.
But simply because technology can be incredibly useful, doesn't mean it should be allowed to take over our lives.
From time to time it can be enormously liberating to unplug. To not check your email every few minutes. To leave your phone at home.
To just be.
Try it. You might like it.
22
February
Who likes change? Wednesday February 22, 2012
Last week I enjoyed an excellent BBC TV programme called 'The Fixer'. It's a series in which a business troubleshooter spends time with struggling family businesses in an effort to turn them round.
In the one I watched, the business under the spotlight was a Yorkshire furniture shop whose ground floor was rather unflatteringly, but accurately, described by presenter Alex Polizzi as looking like an old people's home (without the old people).
Alex is 'The Fixer', a member of the hugely successful hotel and restaurant owning Forte family.
The principal tension in the furniture business revolved around its owner and his son. Father was convinced that his shop's image should remain very traditional. Traditional was one way of putting it, old-fashioned another.
The son, on the other hand, was desperate to see change but had zero confidence that his Dad would ever go along with it.
Eventually, though - in the way of all good television - much against his will, father was persuaded to take a few days off while his store received a desperately-needed makeover.
How would he react when he returned?
Well he loved it. L.O.V.E.D. it. In fact, in under a week his whole demeanour changed from completely despondent, utterly demoralised, to having a completely renewed sense of purpose.
He even looked different.
Change can be daunting. Few of us really want it, deep down.
Sometimes, though, it's exactly what's needed.
So how about you? What do you think The Fixer would urge if she came into your life?
21
February
Practice makes perfect? Tuesday February 21, 2012
I shudder when I look back at some of my earliest daily messages. Two years ago I was yet to find my feet. I had no clear vision of what I was supposed to write about, but more than this, I recognise that my style was stilted and clumsy.
I'd spent much of my prior working life assembling words, but as an advertising copywriter their purpose was to persuade people to buy things they, perhaps, didn't know they needed (to put it charitably).
Nowadays I compile a message like this every morning, sometimes writing two if the following day is likely to be busy enough to deny me the chance to sit, think and type.
We receive tremendously helpful feedback, which Caroline assiduously reads and replies to before passing on to me.
Most is positive, but not all. Every piece has helped me learn however, and although I know I don't get it right all the time, I'm pretty sure I've improved over time, thanks to the direction of the people who matter - you and our other readers.
There's a bigger point here, though, and I reckon it's absolutely relevant to you.
We get better, I believe, at the stuff we do most often.
And it's probably true of our thoughts just as much as it is of our actions.
So think positively, and you'll get better at it.
But maintain a mainly negative way of seeing things and this, instead, will become your 'strength'.
I'd be the first to admit that I'm no ray of sunshine. My ruminations have taken me to some pretty bleak places over the years.
But even on the darkest day, it's nearly always possible to find tiny chinks of light.
So when you see them, please hold on to them tightly. Put them in a jar.
They're worth their weight in gold, and the more you have, the better you'll get at producing them.
20
February
Reward yourself. Monday February 20, 2012
One of my favourite cartoons appeared in the New Yorker in 1993. A couple of dogs are in conversation, and the one sitting at a computer declares: 'On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.'
I've always loved it, and it seems I'm not the only one. It even has its own Wikipedia page.
Now to the best of my knowledge dogs tend to spend little of their time on the computer (although who knows what they get up to when we're not looking?) but they can be trained to do some other pretty impressive stuff.
And the trick, apparently, when trying to persuade a pooch to adopt new behaviour is to reward them when they do.
Maybe this works in humans, too? And more particularly perhaps in you?
Very possibly there's something you could do today which might help you feel better, but ordinarily you'd put it off because it feels like too much effort.
A bit of exercise, say (a short walk would be fine). Writing a thank-you letter. Tidying some clutter at home or work.
If so, why not think like an animal trainer? Complete the action then give yourself a reward. It doesn't have to be substantial, just a little something that will pep you up. A biscuit, say.
Preferably not a dog one though.
19
February
All change? Sunday February 19, 2012
I'm sure you'll be familiar with the general concept of 'the moment that changed my life', the stuff of which compelling stories are told.
Perhaps it was when great lovers first met, when an individual discovered they had an amazing talent or - maybe - when something terrible happened to someone.
Such life-changing moments can happen in the blink of an eye, but by their very nature aren't everyday experiences.
However this needn't mean that a big fat nothing will happen today.
New experiences give you new ways of seeing things. They open up fresh possibilities.
Now there's a reasonable chance that you read these little Moodscope messages at roughly the same time each day, and this means there will be 24 hours before the arrival of the next.
1,440 minutes. 86,400 seconds. (OK, rather fewer than that now as the clock's ticking while you're reading, but I'm sure you get my point.)
Little will change unless you let it, so why not do just that today?
We're probably not talking earth-shattering transformation (although you never know, do you?).
But there's a good deal of sense in taking the road less-travelled, even if it's simply a case of turning left instead of right at least once today.
18
February
How fine is Fine? Saturday February 18, 2012
The other day, Stella (one of @moodscope's Twitter followers) made the point that all too often people say they're 'fine' in answer to the question 'How are you?', when they're patently not.
Not in the slightest, as a matter of fact.
One of the difficulties is that 'How are you?' has turned into a rather meaningless part of greeting people.
And just as it's polite to enquire after another's wellbeing, it's good manners (if a bit daft) to reply that all is okay, regardless of whether it actually is or not.
I don't think this is ever going to change, nor should it probably.
(If we all ran through our long lists of what's not so fine every time we were asked, we'd never get anything done.)
Better, maybe, to recognise that 'How are you?/Fine' is pretty much a perfunctory exchange but - instead - to properly burrow under the surface when you really do want to know how someone is.
Be prepared for the answer to take time though, and do make sure you're listening intently rather than just half-hearing.
Asking someone how they are, and meaning it, is a big action.
A good action though.
17
February
Round and round. Friday February 17, 2012
In 1964, when John Lennon plucked a single guitar note at the beginning of The Beatles' 'I Feel Fine', its sound issued from a loudspeaker where it was picked up once again by the guitar and returned to the speaker.
Round and round went the sound, causing distinctive 'feedback', the first time this phenomenon appeared on a commercial recording.
Thanks to producer George Martin, Lennon's feedback was musical and under control.
But that's not always the case. I'm sure we've all experienced the ear-splitting howl which results from a public address system whose volume is turned up to 11.
Now and then, a similar kind of behaviour can be exhibited by our thinking style.
Thoughts go round and round, becoming amplified in the process.
If George Martin was at the mixing desk, only the good stuff would be allowed through, and these circular thoughts would make you feel, well, fine.
In fact it's you at the controls, of course, and if you're anything like me, it may be the negative ideas which seem to resonate most.
An anxious view, a worried thought, can remain cascading with you for days if you're not careful.
So quite simply don't let them. Just as shielding a microphone, or turning the volume down, can prevent audio feedback, so you can deliberately tell yourself to Stop thinking those thoughts.
Nobody can tell you what to think.
But you can.
16
February
A Harvard education. Thursday February 16, 2012
Daniel Gilbert wrote the rather good book 'Stumbling on Happiness' so I was intrigued to read an interview with him in the Harvard Business Review, (and thanks to Michael W for alerting me to it.)
In it, Gilbert talks about happiness research, but as access to it is somewhat limited I'll pass on Michael's helpful summary of his two key insights below. Here's the actual link, though:
http://bit.ly/ydoZnD
The first big observation is that being happy depends on having lots of small positive experiences, rather than a few big ones.
We tend to believe that if we won the lottery or got a great new job, our happiness quotient would leap off the scale overnight. Research suggests however that it's an aggregation of lots of smaller happy things which make us feel good.
And this is good news. It means you don't have to wait for your numbers to come up, nor for that mega-promotion. You can, instead, as Gilbert says: 'Wear comfortable shoes, give your wife (I think he means significant other) a big kiss, sneak a french fry.'
We could all do some of that today.
Michael's second nugget of wisdom is Gilbert's suggestion that mind-wandering, even onto happy subjects, is not a strictly positive thing. Most people are happiest when engaged in those activities in which their mind wanders the least.
I think it's a nice way of explaining Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's theory of 'flow' - that an ideal state of mind occurs when we're completely immersed in some sort of enjoyable activity.
And that's another thing which, perhaps, you can do today.
Immerse yourself, avoid that wandering and sneak that french fry.
Just the one, mind you.
15
February
Mind the gap. Wednesday February 15, 2012
What's the point of pessimism?
One might imagine that it's the optimists who will inherit the earth, leaving the pessimists to wallow in their general lack of hope and expectation.
After all, who'd want their glass half empty rather than half full?
Well. Let's just stop and think about this for a second.
Imagine that you and I were standing on one side of a chasm. At its foot lurks piranha-infested water, and it's - ooh - nine metres wide, a little over 29 feet 6 inches.
Your task? To jump to the other side.
As an eternal optimist you might declare 'no problem'. 'Go for it.'
This, however, would be foolish. In the extreme.
The world record for the men's long jump currently stands at 8.95 metres (7.52 for the women's) so even an Olympic athlete would end up as fish food.
The point about the confirmed pessimist is that he or she would probably shy away from the jump even if the gap was less than a metre.
But somewhere between these two extremes sits sensible behaviour, which I think we'd probably call being realistic.
I'm not sure about you, but on a bad day I can find myself taking a very downcast view of the world, and I may long to be the complete opposite, a total optimist.
Better, surely, to recognise that it's being realistic about things which actually gives us the best hope of happiness.
14
February
My sister, the unicorn. Tuesday February 14, 2012
If you wanted to teach a class of children how to draw, it would maybe make more sense to watch how a great artist works than it would be to understand where it all went wrong for a group of 'couldn't draw a stick-man' people.
One of positive psychology's foundations is that whereas psychologists used to apply much of their energy to trying to understand unhappiness, perhaps it would make (more?) sense to look at the other end of the spectrum, to get to the bottom of what actually makes upbeat people the way they are.
I wrote about positive psychologist Shawn Achor last September after reading his book. (I also mistakenly typed his name as Anchor, an error tactfully and kindly pointed out to me by a Moodscoper.)
Should you have twelve minutes and twenty-one seconds to spare, I can now thoroughly recommend Shawn's video on Ted.com:
http://bit.ly/zFivBH
He's a whizz on his subject. He's also very fast-speaking and very funny, including a lovely segment when he talks of persuading his kid sister that she was a unicorn.
Watch it to understand it.
Just don't call him Anchor.
13
February
Give yourself a checkup. Monday February 13, 2012
Throttle? Check. Flaps? Check. Strobes? Check.
As a pilot prepares for takeoff, there's a mandatory checklist to run through so nothing's forgotten and everything's tested.
Checklists make huge sense.
In fact in his recent book, 'The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right', author Atul Gawande (a surgeon) shows how briefly pausing to run through a task's requirements before beginning it has huge value. Saves lives even.
We carry mental checklists with us all the time, of course. Whether consciously or subconsciously it's how you're able to walk out of the house without leaving the iron on.
Going through the twenty Moodscope cards every morning is, I'm sure, rather like running a ruler over your state of mind. It's a kind of checklist for your mood.
But you can think in mental checklist terms on other occasions too. Next time you're sitting in traffic or lying in bed about to get up, why not make a point of asking yourself how you're feeling?
Being aware of your mood is a first step towards managing it. Quite a big step actually.
12
February
More than one answer. Sunday February 12, 2012
2 + 2 = ?
When you're taught mathematics, you learn that a problem generally only has one correct answer.
But the challenges we all face in life aren't usually as clear-cut as this. Frequently we have many potential solutions.
Sadly we often behave as if our options are severely limited.
We claim that we can't change things. We moan that we have no choice. We grumble that we're powerless.
That's rarely the true case, however. You generally have more freedom than you think.
So the next time you feel a bit stuck or trapped, please try to bear this in mind.
Start small, by all means, but why not experiment with some different choices today?
11
February
Two years and counting. Saturday February 11, 2012
I suppose you and I have a kind of unwritten deal, don't we?
I'll write these little messages once a day, and send them to you. Then you in turn will read them. Maybe think about their underlying meaning, too.
Not every day's message gets read by everyone, of course. But we know that a lot do.
In fact it was two years ago this week that I wrote the first, which went out to a small sprinkling of people - rather less than will receive this one.
I reckon it's pretty important to have 'anchoring' events in your day to day life, particularly if you can be prone to the kind of ups and downs of mood that a lot of us contend with.
It's probably helpful to have small events and behaviours on which you can depend. Stuff you do every day, regardless of the way you feel, that give your day structure and support - a kind of 'scaffolding' if you like.
So if you'll be here tomorrow, I will too.
10
February
Iron man. Friday February 10, 2012
In the 1960s and 70s, Paul McCartney's poet brother Mike (McGear) was a member of pop group The Scaffold, whose main hits were 'Lily The Pink', 'Liverpool Lou' and 'Thank U Very Much'.
Judging by the last one, 'txt-spk' is nothing new, and it was actually a well-recalled line in it which drew me to an extraordinarily long online discussion thread the other day.
I knew that The Scaffold had sung 'Thank you very much for the Aintree Iron' and wondered idly what the Aintree Iron is or was.
In these Google-days you don't have to wonder, you can search, so it was that I discovered a vast array of people's suggestions as to its meaning, ranging from a Liverpool railway yard to others a bit too edgy for a Moodscope message.
In the middle of this cascade of conjecture, however, came the real kicker. Mike McGear himself had pitched in, suggesting that as he'd written the song, he ought to know what he'd meant. And basically, he explained, 'you're all wrong'.
Frustratingly (and a little deliciously) he then refused to divulge its meaning. Perhaps there actually isn't one, even. But we'll probably never know.
To me, this is a brilliant example of the way in which we humans can be desperate to find reasons for everything, to understand and to classify. This is perhaps never truer than when we seek to understand aspects of ourselves, and in particular why our moods rise and fall.
Sometimes there's a reason. But not always. Now and then your mood changes because, well, it just does.
There's no harm in setting out to better understand yourself, but the very second that you begin to agonise over your bafflement, perhaps it's better to shrug your shoulders and simply accept it?
Then (and here's the important bit) just move on, thank u very much.
9
February
Dig it. Thursday February 9, 2012
Fifteen years ago in Sydney I traded a slap-up dinner for some priceless knowledge. The friend I met up with, Robin, had just been on a lateral thinking course based on the principles of Edward de Bono, and - keen to learn more about how to think - I plied my friend with food and drink in return for him passing on his learning.
Some time later I discovered that the 'secrets' he revealed were actually all contained in one of de Bono's books but, hey, it was a delicious dinner (and nearly always nicer to be taught in person rather than from the printed page).
I was reminded of this little experience the other day when I came across a copy of what I believe was Edward de Bono's first book (The Use Of Lateral Thinking) in a charity shop and snapped it up for a couple of pounds.
There's a lovely line in it, which I have to pass on:
'It is not possible to dig a hole in a different place by digging the same hole deeper.'
He's talking about problem solving of course, and the desirability of thinking laterally rather than vertically, but I reckon his admonition is every bit as relevant to the juggling of emotions as it is to the tackling of challenges.
When your mood is frazzled, sometimes it's all you can do to keep digging that hole deeper and deeper. However there's much to be said for pausing for breath and taking a long hard look around you.
Might that lousy mood be telling you something? Maybe it's suggesting that there could be a better digging location.
It's a thought, isn't it?
8
February
Soaking up the psyche. Wednesday February 8, 2012
'Ever since you started hanging around with X, you've changed.'
It's one of those allegations which seems to get levelled in relationships which are struggling through a rough patch, the insinuation being that the accused isn't who he/she used to be.
The fact of the matter of course is that we do tend to take on the characteristics of the people we spend the most time with.
Socialising with optimists may give you a more half-full view of life, whilst being around those with a fundamentally pessimistic outlook might well drain your own glass.
Most of us have some around us who need to be there whatever the weather, but there's nearly always a ring in your social circle that's more discretionary - people you can choose to spend time with (or not).
I think life would quickly become bland if we opted to fill this ring entirely with 'happy clappers'. But isn't it worth going a little out of your way to benefit from being with those who generally lift your spirits rather than dampen them?
You know who I mean. Why not arrange to catch up with them?
7
February
More than our fair share. Tuesday February 7, 2012
To share or not to share?
On Sunday I asked for some thoughts about the sharing of daily mood scores and boy did we get a lot. If you have a spare ten minutes, I can thoroughly recommend perusing the 90+ comments here:
http://moodscope.blogspot.com/
We hadn't expected (but were delighted) to receive so much feedback from people who aren't actually sharing their scores with buddies, and their reasons make fascinating reading.
Some treat their mood issues as an intensely personal matter, preferring that nobody should know about them. Others don't wish to burden those around them, believing they already have enough on their own plate.
A few more suggest that we might find a mechanism that enables Moodscopers to pair up as buddies even though they don't know one another in real life (tricky but potentially interesting, an idea we've been toying with for some time).
Then there are those who are sharing scores, and who believe it's helping (this was my experience too, back in 2007).
One thing that's clear is that there's no 'one size fits all' answer to this.
Another is that there's an enormous amount of enthusiasm and passion amongst Moodscopers. A real sense of positive spirit. Whenever we ask for input, we're invariably overwhelmed by the response.
This warms my heart. And yours, I hope.